I think I have been in the middle of a slight but significant nervous breakdown, Life has sat on my head and made a rude noise. First, the good news. All my mum's tests have come back negative since her operation so that is very good and thank you all for the praying.
The fall downstairs has been slightly problematic. I am not the kind of person who keeps moaning about life and saying "Why God?" but as I plunged down eight stairs - I remember thinking "Why God?" I do not have time for this. I am trying to be a good daughter to Aged Parent. I am trying to get my life in order and do things. My arm hurts.
I have not blogged because I have felt sulky. Church has been difficult because driving has been nigh on impossible and HOH has been working. I could have walked but I felt so jiggered, I just didn't. (It is quite a long way, when your arm is hurting) I have been to work because I have to. Did I mention that my arm hurts?
Do you think the sainty kinds of people go to bed sometimes and spend time which could be redeemed in a good way, just complaining? Well I am not a sainty kind of person and I have done just that thing.
I have been basically unmoved by how many horrible things have happened in the world. I am a brat.
I remind me of Jonah who got all arsey when God saved Ninevah and Elijah who behaved like a big girl's blouse when he was scared. (I am not comparing myself to great men of God - at least only when they messed up)
Hopefully, you are not reading this to get to the bit where God bursts through the curtains with his happy sherbert dip and makes everything ok because that hasn't happened. At least not yet. (Any minute now possibly) So what to do?
Well this is what I am rolling with now. It's a bit abstract and not all of it is working but hopefully you get the idea.
- If my heart is overwhelmed,
and I cannot hear your voice.
I hold on to what is true,
Though I cannot see.
If the storms of life they come,
And the road ahead gets steep.
I will lift these hands in faith,
I will believe.
I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And this life I have
Because of Your son. (Jeremy Riddle, Brian Mark Johnson, Jenn Louise Johnson, Jeremy David Edwardson, Ian Bruce Mcintosh.)
- And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (KJV)
- Jesus said, “I’ll come and heal him.” Matthew 8
So that is the kind of thing I am writing down. It is supplemented by
- Raised By Wolves (TV Comedy - quite rude - don't say I didn't warn you)
- Family and Dog
- Obsessively watching Only Connect
It's just about keeping on really. Keeping on and knowing. Or trying to know that God is who he says he is and he thinks I am ok. I am working very hard at believing him about the second bit.