Strange Times

I think I have been in the middle of a slight but significant nervous breakdown, Life has sat on my head and made a rude noise. First, the good news. All my mum's tests have come back negative since her operation so that is very good and thank you all for the praying. 

The fall downstairs has been slightly problematic. I am not the kind of person who keeps moaning about life and saying "Why God?" but as I plunged down eight stairs - I remember thinking "Why God?" I do not have time for this. I am trying to be a good daughter to Aged Parent. I am trying to get my life in order and do things. My arm hurts. 

I have not blogged because I have felt sulky. Church has been difficult because driving has been nigh on impossible and HOH has been working. I could have walked but I felt so jiggered, I just didn't. (It is quite a long way, when your arm is hurting) I have been to work because I have to. Did I mention that my arm hurts?

Do you think the sainty kinds of people go to bed sometimes and spend time which could be redeemed in a good way, just complaining? Well I am not a sainty kind of person and I have done just that thing.

I have been basically unmoved by how many horrible things have happened in the world. I am a brat. 

I remind me of Jonah who got all arsey when God saved Ninevah and Elijah who behaved like a big girl's blouse when he was scared. (I am not comparing myself to great men of God - at least only when they messed up) 

Hopefully, you are not reading this to get to the bit where God bursts through the curtains with his happy sherbert dip and makes everything ok because that hasn't happened. At least not yet. (Any minute now possibly) So what to do?

Well this is what I am rolling with now. It's a bit abstract and not all of it is working but hopefully you get the idea.

• If my heart is overwhelmed,
  and I cannot hear your voice.
  I hold on to what is true,
  Though I cannot see.
  If the storms of life they come,
  And the road ahead gets steep.
  I will lift these hands in faith,
  I will believe.
  I'll remind myself
  Of all that You've done
  And this life I have
  Because of Your son. (Jeremy Riddle, Brian Mark Johnson, Jenn Louise Johnson, Jeremy David Edwardson, Ian Bruce Mcintosh.)
  
• “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11
  
• And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (KJV)

• Jesus said, “I’ll come and heal him.” Matthew 8

So that is the kind of thing I am writing down. It is supplemented by

1. Chocolate
2. Raised By Wolves (TV Comedy - quite rude - don't say I didn't warn you)
3. Family and Dog
4. Obsessively watching Only Connect

It's just about keeping on really. Keeping on and knowing. Or trying to know that God is who he says he is and he thinks I am ok. I am working very hard at believing him about the second bit. 

Walking Wounded

Number 14 in my "Rules To Live By - Based Only On My Own Rubbish Theories" is never to ask God "What else can go wrong?" - just in case he decides to show me.
Anyway, am in middle of weekend caring for Aged Parent. (She is doing well, thank you for prayers and support. A little too many frank conversations about bowel movements for my personal preference but there you are) She says on Sunday - "Have a day off - my friend is coming round for the afternoon. " So I do and I take the dog out and he promptly pulls me down set of six concrete steps that lead up to (or in my case, down from) our front door. Please note horrific facial scar which I am bearing bravely along with injured arm which is stopping me driving and attractive bruised hand.

Life is very full at the moment

What Am I Doing?

So, because I am doing a sterling job at nursey stuff I couldn't do church Sunday morning (and can I just say how really grateful I am for your prayers and thoughts. I remain certain that prayer changes things) so listened to Desert Island Discs which I nearly always enjoy but rarely manage to catch. Can I just chivvy you up a bit if you can to find Sunday's programme with Bryan Stevenson (above). He is " the founder and Executive Director of the Equal Justice Initiative, a private, non-profit organization headquartered in Montgomery, Alabama, and is a professor at New York University School of Law"

He had some stories to tell - of children of 13 being sentenced to life without parole. Stories of 11 year old boys in adult detention centres being subjected to terrible sexual and physical abuse. And Mr Stevenson and his team work for nothing to support the poor and expose the racial inequality in the penal system. Just sat on my bed with my socks in my hand - completely mesmerised. What a bloke. Great music too. What am I doing with my life?

here's the link if it helps

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b054pbb3
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PS Sorry font is weird. Technology is a blessing and a curse I find

Sorry

Apologies for the absence. We have had a week and a half here at Martha Towers. I am only touching base quickly to update you. Last week Aged Parent was diagnosed with uterine cancer. It was all caught very quickly with an operation and everything and the prognosis is good so far but it is all a bit shocking. I did think about whether to pass this on or not but firstly as Aged Parent is telling everyone with a pulse, privacy does not seem to be an issue and also, I think we know each other well enough for me to have to give you an explanation fro my absence. 

I have not written anything at all for a week and a half and feel like my leg has been sawn off so it's nice to put my thoughts into some sort of order again. It's not so much the soul searching that is taking the time but the visiting and the cleaning etc so don't think I am sat in a cupboard rocking at the horror of it all. Can I just say NHS - God bless you and all who sail in you. It is an extraordinary thing you have going there. However, it being some good time since I had to call on you for anything of note, I have to say that the strain on the workers is more noticeable now. Too few people for too many tasks may make an underwhelming service that is easier to justify selling off to a private concern (not that anyone is trying to do that of course) but what it is doing to these dedicated staff who came in because they wanted to do a GOOD THING is scandalous.

So it has taken me out of Towards Belief on a Monday which I have missed and a couple of other things I wanted to do but that can't be helped. Things are moving back towards a little normality now (whisper it) -  we are actually off to the theatre tonight. But, those of you that are praying types, if you could find it in your innards to add us to the list, we would be extremely grateful. Speak soon