Backwards Lent

As a non Catholic type of person, I don't really do Lent. I did give up Twitter last year and the only effect that had was making HOH laugh at me - no one on Twitter noticed. However, I am undaunted and I have decided that rather than giving something up I will take something up for 40 days. This is very non conformist and contrary of me and I am to be congratulated. SO I intend to do my prayer/Bible/thinking journal every day for 40 days instead of when inspiration strikes or when I have spare minutes. This should result in heavy duty thinking and very, very deep insights into spirituality. STOP LAUGHING HOH!
Family news - FOW1 has been elected secretary of his Band Society at York University (Think Biffy Clyro rather than Brighouse and Rastrick) When do these people fit work in?

So what did we think would happen?

Daily Telegraph

I am going to get a bit Tony Benn and a bit political in this blog, so if you don't fancy it, feel free to leave. I have been reading about the Stafford hospital scandal this week. You have probably been as shocked as anyone else by the horrific stories about desperately thirsty people drinking from vases and people lying for days on sheets stained with their own poop. Awful, just awful. My own experience of care within the NHS has, like most people's I suspect, been very different. When I have been in hospital, I have been cared for well by lovely people and so this is an alien land to me.
I have to declare an interest here and tell you that Head of House is a Health Care Assistant working in a local hospital. He would tell you that, as in any profession, there are excellent people and also bad apples. No one is saying that ever nurse or carer is a saint but, I am certain that the huge majority of people that work in these professions are (very) hardworking, patient, souls who come home from work and sink into chairs, exhausted. (Puts hand up in air to confirm that you can indeed, as they say, get a witness) Before I continue my rant, I should confirm that the opinions that follow are my own and not HOH's. He is the kind of nice person that old ladies stop in the street and then lecture me on what a good nurse he is. (Blah Blah. He may be a good nurse, but he is rubbish patient. We are currently dealing with a bout of man flu and not,as he suspects, the first new case of Black Death in England since the 1660s) I digress.
People are bemoaning the lack of a caring culture in the nursing profession. Nurses only want to play on computers now and not hold hands and hold sick bowls. And carers are either scoundrels or people who don't give a monkey's about the people they are supposed to be looking after. Well, that may or may not be true. If there is any truth in it, then surely we had it coming. We have, as a country, debased caring as a profession. We pay the absolute minimum we can get away with to carers (and if we can get their kids to do it for nothing, then that's even better) If you do the jobs that no one else wants to do, if you clean up sick, wipe bottoms, hold an old lady's hand while she tells you about the war, put an old man back into bed for the umpteenth time that night because he has dementia and thinks the Russians are coming up the stairs, these are, to my mind, skilled jobs that take special kinds of people to do them. Do we treat these people like they are skilled? What do you think? Do we train them properly and make sure that ratios in hospitals and care homes and on home visits are set so that people are looked after properly? Well, do you think 15 minutes is long enough for a care visit to someone in their own home? 15 minutes to get them out of bed, wash them and set them ready for the day. Some days, I can't even unfasten my coat in 15 minutes. It's all about cutting costs and saving money. Meeting targets so that you see enough people in a day and if carers are run ragged, well there are plenty more where they came from. And if we undervalue these people long enough, both by the demands we place on them and the wages we pay them, then should we be surprised if some of them lose their way and behave badly? It may not be an excuse but it may be an explanation.
So now we have a situation where care givers are beginning to be demonised. Not just those who have behaved badly but the whole profession. Some people come into wards looking for mistakes or with a "you are just the person who cleans up the sick" attitude. And, in my more paranoid moments, I can't help but wonder if there is some method in this madness. Am I wrong to wonder if privatising choice bits of a demoralised, badly functioning National Health Service nice and cheaply is easier to sell to the British public than it would if all were going well? Maybe, I watch too many movies.

Change

Hello

I have been meaning to change the appearance of the blog for a while now and have only just got round to it what with one thing and another. I changed it for a couple of reasons. One is that I really wanted the writing to be on white background (have had a couple of requests) Also I have lost the sidebar with the Reading/Watched posts. This is mainly because I often want to say more than the couple of lines I have there lets me so, I will pull this feature into the main body of the blog. Anyway, we will see how it goes.
It has all been a bit weird here because HOH is on nights and that seems to mean that everyone is a bit out of sync. It is really odd to wave him off at 8.30 pm when everyone is just settling down for the evening. Still nearly done now. I always think that when HOH is on nights, I will get loads done because it's just me (FOW 2 retires to bedroom to watch obscure films, then Facebook message everybody in the world seemingly and pretend to do homework.) but tonight  have been faffing with this blog half the night.
Had a day's leave today and was a bit disappointed that new Archbishop of Canterbury's thingy service  - where he gets sworn in I think - was not on TV live. You would think that it would be wouldn't you. I'm not C of E myself as you know but he seems a decent sort of bloke and needs a lot of praying for. I mean you wouldn't be him for all the tea in China would you? He hardly made the news tonight as well because of some politician with the moral fibre of a mollusk who seems to have bullied his wife into lying for him about his driving habits. So what was it that made him think that the rules didn't apply to him? Does my head in.
Still, I did a bit more writing which is scientifically a good thing.
Was very taken by something I came across in a re-read of M Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled  This is one of the few self help books I have read that doesn't leaving me wanting to trap my head in a door. Anyway, he was talking about time management. He said that people with decent levels of self esteem are better at using their time profitably because they feel that they are valuable, therefore their time is valuable and they use it accordingly. Using that yardstick, Christians should be acey-pacey time managers. We believe in a God who proved how valuable he thought we were. These are "interesting" times. Do we act as if our time is a valuable gift? It's just meant to make you think that's all - not feel guilty. Trust me, people in glass houses etc.

We went to see Lincoln this week.I know there is a lot of talk about Daniel Day Lewis' performance and quite right too. (Although, as Sasha Baron Cohen said at the Golden Globes "Big Deal. Anyone can grow a beard.") However, I thought it was one of the best films I had seen in ages. Sort of like West Wing in frock coats. What a man. What a mission. Ex-flippin-trordinary.
Do not think that I will be bothering with Denzel Washington in Flight. I am a nervous flyer at the best of times. If, I were on a plane that Denzel was trying to save by TURNING IT UPSIDE DOWN I would be shouting "Don't bother for me Denzel because I will have died  long before you turned the plane over. You will find me hanging from my seat-belt - dead and  covered in poo. (Sorry - unacceptable) Am trying to be more ladylike of speech really I am. I am failing miserably. On Sunday, found myself saying to Pastor after the meeting the he was quote "Really nailing it at the moment." It was meant to be a compliment about his preaching. (We are doing Genesis. It is like it has got my name on it.) HOH stepped in and explained this to slightly scared looking minister and he seemed to be ok. Still am working on lady-likeness. Feel it's probably best.

Ratty

Despite all evidence to the contrary  I am not a fool. Not a complete fool anyway. There are things in life that are so obvious that I don't need to be told about them. I have lived a long time. Just over half a century now -  think of that. Not all the time in that half century was spent in the gathering of wisdom (unless you count learning to walk and also to poo in a socially acceptable place). However for a goodly proportion of my half century I have been, as they say, living and learning.
So why do I know NOTHING? Why do the same things come and bite my bum on a regular basis and I either, do nothing to change them or learn some degree of serenity about the things I cannot change. Life is a balance, I know this but I spend an awful lot of time being the plonker bouncing up and down in the net under the tightrope because I have messed up the balance again.

• I feel at my best when I have been productive and yet I am developing procrastination as an Olympic sport.
• Developing a high level of expertise at Solitaire does not count as productivity.
• I know that rest is a necessary part of life and yet I struggle to do it without guilt.
• Most people probably don't hate me yet I will still apologise for my existence, given half a chance.
• People don't behave well all the time and sometimes I really do just have to tackle it and stop it.
• Not everything is my fault.
• Like most people, I have been through quite a lot in my life. When suffering things in the past, I swore that I would never as our American friends say "sweat the small stuff" again. 
• I sweat the small stuff about twenty times an hour.
• Life makes me fearful sometimes.

Ahem. You may have noticed that I have not had the best of weeks.
So I find myself on a Sunday, looking at another week and wondering how to make a difference. And something keeps coming back into my head that has been floating in and out of my thoughts all week. It's a phrase. Out of context as usual but that, as you are well aware by now, is how I er.. roll.

"This same Jesus."

That's all. Part of a sentence that the angel used to tell the disciples that Jesus would be coming back. It's in Acts 1 if you want to find it. (Like I said - ratty today)

This same Jesus who cured sicknesses and raised people from the dead is in the heavenlies for me. There is no such thing as hopeless.
This same Jesus who walked with wisdom and kindness will expect me to do the same and will also give me what I need to do it.
This same Jesus is not diluted by the passage of time and I need to live so that I ask, receive, learn, rest, grow, give and generally exist under the same Jesus influence as the disciples did.

I think know that my task (should I choose to accept it) is to spend the days plugging in (that is such an awful phrase but you know what I mean) to This same Jesus. Getting hold of the man in the Bible: the things he said, the things he did, the love he lived and making it more and more a part of who I am. That way more peace and less rattiness lies.

Er.. Should have that sorted by about Tuesday of next week then.

Apologies

Quite annoyed this week. I rooted around the Internet and found the interview that Lance Armstrong did with Oprah. I didn't stay up until 2am or anything - are you mad? It was everywhere though and therefore, quite easy to have a look at. First of all I have to say that I think Oprah did a sterling job. If Armstrong thought he was going to come into this and have Oprah stroke his thigh and talk about his "feelings" he seemed to have miscalculated. She demanded "yes-no" answers to her first set of questions most of which followed on from "Did you dope?" including "Did you dope for all of your Tour victories?" The answer was yes. I have to tell you that I have some sympathy for Armstrong. Obsessed by winning, he seemed to mentally move into a mythical world, where cheating was the norm and once you start you are in it for good. Of course, this is easy for me to say as I am not a cyclist trying to earn a living. (I say again - are you mad? Center Parcs nearly finished me.) Riding clean behind Armstrong and his team who were riding with the blood not only coursing round their veins but also coursing out of their bodies to have extra oxygen put in, must have been the definition of the word frustration.
I know it must seem a bit of a stretch to say there but for the Grace of God go any of us. What are the chances of someone like me leading a corrupt cycling team which ran doping stations in hotels all over the world? Slim I know, but the principle is the same. Life gives us a million chances a day to make the wrong decisions and if the people around us don't challenge us and we seem to be getting away with it, sometimes we just carry on, eventually almost believing that it is ok.
I don't think it's that fact that he did it that wound me up. It's more the way he behaved when it seemed that the fat lady was tuning up and the end was in sight. People began to testify against him and he responded with the most dreadful bullying and intimidation. Really nasty stuff. He called his masseuse a whore in front of the world's press and got under the skin of another journalist by making disparaging remarks about his relationship with his dead son. Finally, he informed Oprah that he hadn't been a bully before he had cancer, and in one master stroke offended all those who have cancer or care for those with cancer who have managed live with this awful disease thus far without turning into complete rat bags.
He behaved like a cornered animal, slashing out at anything that he felt threatened him and in a way I suppose that is understandable. However, I think that eventually, whatever we have done, the easiest thing to do, is to give in and say sorry. There is a grace and a relief in giving in and admitting that we were wrong, that we made a mistake. People who admit that they were wrong seem to have a dignity about them. Maybe it's because they are wiser than us and have been brave enough to look at themselves harder than we can. People say that Lance Armstrong is looking for redemption - a chance to start again. The trouble is, that it is impossible to start again until we finish our unfinished business. Redemption can only happen after repentance  - waking up and saying sorry and only then letting it go. It is, as they say, that old time religion.

"If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves A claim that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins - make a clean breast of them - he won't let us down, he'll be true to himself. 
1 John 1:9