Worried?

Bah humbug! I think Christmas is great. I have a few personal reasons for getting a bit emotional when it is here but I love the idea that this is the day (Note the use of the word "day" not month or epoch) when we celebrate the beginning of the adventure. Christ with us. Love it. But for goodness sake it is still only November. I have started shopping and planning (despite presence of Head of House tutting loudly at Elton John played in the shops for umpteenth time) and I think that's ok too, but let's not get too far ahead of ourselves. It hasn't started yet. Doesn't it cheapen it a bit lengthening Christmas to six weeks? I know I'm proabably on my own but I'm still at the stage where I'm making a list, I'm checking it twice and then I'M GETTING ON WITH SOMETHING ELSE. Sooo many other things happening before then - mock exams, craft fayre, wedding to watch, meetings to attend, Fruit of Womb Two's weekend away, good Woody Allen at the Arts Centre,decorating to do etc. etc. None of these Christmas related and, for me, none of them to be sidelined because Christmas is only a month away. And when they are done there will be Return of Fruit of Womb One, end of school term, food shop and food prep, visit of relatives, Work Christmas Do,  Carol Service, excetera, excetera - (said in Yul Brynner voice) all to be enjoyed as part of the general festivities. Like I said, I love it, all in good time.
While I am moaning though, has anyone else found it difficult to find decent Nativity Christmas Cards to send? It's like we are Puritans or something and are not allowed to represent the image of the Lord. Your choice is Leonardo de Vinci like oil painting or a card done by Mexican children for charity who are at least catching a bit of what Christmas is about. However - try getting one from M & S or Paperchase. Fat chance.

Rant over. This is what I wanted to talk about.This is Lucy. Lucy is our dog. She used to be my brother's dog and now she lives with us. For the past twelve months she has lived here quite happily. At least, we think she is happy. She eats, she runs, she plays and, given the opportunity, she chews expensive trainers. She only has two clouds on her otherwise idyllic doggy horizon. One is our other dog Morecambe. He didn't ask for her, doesn't want her and to be quite frank, wouldn't miss her, were she to win the doggy lottery and move to the Bahamas. Lucy has dealt with her rejection issues very successfully and shows her contempt by eating from Morecambe's bowl, lying in his cage, pinching the best spot on the settee and giving him fleas. (Dealt with now - never again - nightmare!)
Her other problem is - her nerves. Or Fear. Lucy is a very jumpy dog. I have no  idea where she gets it from. She has never been beaten. Occasionally she has been yelled at. (see trainers/chewing/expensive above) But that's the most that has ever happened. Lucy, however, is like a grainy black and white film of a World War 1 veteran suffering from shell shock. A tiny hand movement to scratch an itchy nose can send her scuttling from her chair in fright as if she was about to get the back of my hand (as we say up North) Lucy jumps at the noise a margarine top makes when it is snapped off the tub. She even jumps at the little noise made by an early morning slightly pumpy bottom as someone moves around the kitchen putting the kettle on. (Or so I have been told) Too much detail there - sorry.
You get the idea though. Lucy has a good doggy life to live  here. She lives in a family that loves her (well except for Morecambe). We have open fires, long walks, comfy cushions and people who really like her (except for Morecambe) and still she spends each day scared.
I have to tell you, I can really identify with her. I know what I know what I know and yet, every day I stuggle not to fear. I disappoint myself with it. When I was ill a good few years back I promised myself that I would never be scared of rubbish stuff again. You think that when really scary stuff happens, it will make you immune to worry but it hasn't. Daft stuff - What will people say if I do that? Is that idea any good? What if I try that and it's a disaster?  If I am not careful it can cripple me. I don't try new things. I don't call people in case they are thinking "What does she want now?" (They don't seem to be thinking that at all by the way) I can lose all sense of perpective if I'm not careful.
The cure? Well it's a work in progress as you will have guessed but this is the place I keep coming back to.

Isaiah 41:8
 'You're my servant, serving on my side. I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.' Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.

Very rough translation for my purposes -  "Man up!  You are not on your own. Do what needs to be done and see what you can achieve. You don't need to provide the strength - God does that. You'll only regret it if you don't"

Realise that Greek scholars will be spinning in graves now (at least those that are dead) but have to tell you - it works for me.

Bigger Picture Thinking

No! This is good! Honest! Come back! I understand that for some of you who attended any youth meetings in the eighties, the title of this blog will have brought you out in a cold sweat. I too attended those meetings and they are etched in my mind like a Terrible Thing sold from the Terrible Thing Sale at the Terrible Thing Shop (to paraphrase Blackadder)
These were the days when people leading from the platform thought it was the height of Spirit Filled Worship to turn to complete strangers and yell "MY CUP RUNNETH OVER TODAY SISTER!" (It wasn't) Or that we would all be released by turning to the person next to us and giving them a back-rub (We weren't) or that turning up with no sermon prepared would give the Spirit room to move amongst us. (It didn't)
These were nervous times for me because my then boyfriend who was one day going to be blessed enough to become Head of House would often feel that some of the more outlandish suggestions from the front merited an answer from the congregation. (A loud answer) I can feel the prickles of embarassment up and down my neck as I am typing. I know I am a miserable sort but I am happy in my misery and to be fair - I was never the most enthusiastic youth leader.
Anyway - to get back to bigger picture thinking. Have a look at the photo at the top. Darn purdy ain't it? (Puts hands on hips in manner of dancer from Oklahoma) Lovely sweet photo of a squirrel in our park. La la la. However, if I knew how to work the camera properly and was able to pan out and take a photo of the bigger picture (see what I did there?) you would be able to see that this photo should be re-titled. "The Smell of Fear". Because at the bottom of this tree two Jack Russells are snarling, barking and trying to climb up and reach said squrrel and tear it limb from limb. In fact, if it weren't for Head of House doing sterling work by continually dragging them away - I am convinced that they would have worked out how to give each other a leg up to reach the poor thing.
Bigger picture thinking. Accepting that not everything is exactly as it seems at first. That person who really gets on your nerves by behaving so appallingly - is there a possibility that there is something going on in their life that you know nothing about? Something that means they can just about keep their head above water enough to funtion and not much else? That person with the  dodgy lifestyle choices who is never going to get on the front cover of "Really Good Lovely Christian People" magazine. Maybe she was making even worse lifestyle choices a year ago and is, in fact making real progress. That person who seems to go out of their way to make your life a misery? Maybe so miserable in their own skin and consumed with jealousy because they feel you are so comfortable in yours. (Believe it or not) I think you probably get the idea.
If I said now that it took me a long time to come round to the idea that its not all about me and how I perceive things, then if you listened closely you would be able to hear angels laughing snorty laughs because Heaven knows very well that I am nowhere near that level of self awareness. But, in the spirit of
Matthew 7:12
So, in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you..

If you want people's understanding of your bigger picture even if you can't say what it is, then we have to try and think that others may have an unseen bigger picture as well and act accordingly. It may mean not being judgemental. It may mean counting to ten and smiling. It may mean keeping my your big trap shut as they say in the Royal Family. Kindness - that's the key.

I would just like to point out that no furry animals were harmed during the production of this blog. In fact, after several hours of specialist squirrel counselling, we were able to prize its little claws off the tree one by one and we are expecting it to come down by Christmas. Probably.

I think we all sin by needlessly disobeying the apostolic injunction to "rejoice" as much as by anything else - C. S. Lewis
Have a rejoicy week everyone. (I think you will find it IS a real word actually.)

A Normal Week

If you have come here for spiritual support, this is probably not the week. Sorry. Ever have one of those weeks when you check that you are not a week's holiday missing? It has been a week severely lacking in glittering celebrity moments and more than once I have found myself thinking "I bet Liberace never had to live like this." I think we've all been there.
This week fruit of Womb Two set off for school on Tuesday only for me to receive a call from the school nurse about an hour later. "She doesn't feel well and she says she feels sick. Actually she is a strange colour." I'm at work with no transport but it's ok because I can phone her dad. Except HE HASN'T TURNED HIS MOBILE ON - AGAIN. Head of House doesn't really like mobile phones - that's ok. Far be it from me to lecture anyone about living in this century rather than one where people people wear crinolines, play the piano as their only entertainment and Colin Firth dives into pools. He is entitled to his foibles. We all are. EXCEPT WHEN IT INCONVENIENCES ME! So, after using my Hiawatha-like skills to track him down, he collects the girl and she clearly isn't well. Apparently, we later find out that half the population of the school is evacuating their lunches and the school nurse is getting a bit wobbly with it all.  About this time I begin to feel a bit head-achy and nauseous. It's going to be a long week.
Trip to see The Cloonster in Ides of March is derailed for this week at least. Ah well. Head of House has been on nights all week which is a bit weird. I have this fantasy of going to bed alone in posh PJs with hot chocolate (don't know why - don't really like it) and a copy of Shakespeare. In reality, I am woken at 2.30am as mobile buzzes. (Email from Next  2.30am- what is that about?) I have taken mobile upstairs for extra alarm insurance in case mine doesn't work. When I wake up - I momentarily think that, as I always expected would one day happen, I am being attacked by giant spider which is sitting on my face. Turns out to be the Georgette Heyer Murder Mystery I was reading when I fell asleep.As I said. A Normal but somehow Long week.
Fruit of Womb One is settling in  in York. I have to tell you that usually I ask permission to share things my kids do with you as it's only fair I think. However- he's not here so "le titty - i'll est tough" as they sometimes say in France. So the church he is going to in York is St Michael Le Belfry. Very famous, Spirit led, student friendly church. One of the things it is most famous for is being so close to York Minster - about five yards away. All I'll say is that two of them couldn't find it - after having visited once already.  York Minster. I'm fairly certain you can see it from space!! Young people eh?

God's Invisibles

Autumn is a bit spectacular here at the moment. Warm and sunny. I have given in and started making a Christmas List. A bit. Not pressies - just all the stuff I have to do. Few more visitors than we are used to this year. Looking forward to it but I have to bear in mind that the takeaway won't be open if I have cooking disasters so must plan ahead (for once). Head of House is looking at Master Plan to make dining table bigger by putting battons on big piece of wood to put over our table. He can be a bit strange when he's been on nights.
I have no idea what is behind this. Maybe too much Cadbury's Wholenut but I have been thinking about Uncle George. When I first became a Christian, Uncle George was one of the first Christians I met. He wasn't really anyone's uncle. I don't think he had much in the way of family but everyone called him Uncle George. In the olden days, when you first became a Christian it was practically compulsory to be route marched into the children's work at church and told to help. I remember I was fifteen and instructed to be a teacher in "Sunshine Corner" (You young Christians these days - you don't know you are born I am telling you) For those of you who are not well versed in the ways of "Sunshine Corner" let me explain. Well I can't really. I have a vague memory of about twenty smallish children as I led them around a pile of chairs telling them about the Battle of Jerico. I do remember that, at the appointed time, we shouted for all the children to bang drums and tambourines and blow into their recorders as loudly as they could. At this point my friend pulled on a string attached to a chair in the middle of the pile and - well - the walls came tumbling down as they say. It was a lot more spectacular than we had imagined to be honest but I don't think any children were actually hospitalised. I'm almost certain about that. Probably. Don't try it at home.
Uncle George played the accordian for Sunshine Corner. Sing along now

"Sunshine Corner - oh its jolly fine.

It's for children under ninety nine

All are welcome - seats are given free.

Lichfield(Insert name of any place in the whole world!) Sunshine Corner is the place for me"

Simpler times....

So George would come to Sunshine Corner every Tuesday evening. He would be wearing a suit that had seen better days - his half mast pants a-flapping as he rushed in. His shirt would be a bit grubby and when you are fifteen and too cool for school - you barely gave someone like George a second thought. Yet George never missed. He was totally reliable, even though, to be honest, he didn't like children that much. When it came to our National Conference every year George would give people free lifts to Minehead in his Reliant Robin. Driving wasn't a particular strong point as I remember. They used to say that George had never been in an accident but that he had seen hundreds! But, if George said he would be there, he would be there. I think we all thought he was a bit odd. Not sinister odd, just George. The truth is that a lot of what happened in church could not have happened without him. But I don't think I ever saw him up front in church or leading anything. He just got on with it because he loved God. He was as invisible as wallpaper.

I was also reminded of another story that CS Lewis tells. If you are a CS Lewis expert and I haven't got this right, please accept my apologies in advance.

A man dies and goes to heaven. As he is being shown around by an angel. (And on your left is St Paul's mansion. You are welcome of course but call first - he can get very busy of an evening. That sort of thing) Suddenly they have to step back as a procession is coming towards them. The man can see that the lady in the procession must be a woman of great honour as the angels are making a great fuss of her. He bows his head in respect as she passes but can't resist winking one eye open to see who this great lady is. To his surprise he sees that he recognises her. Not as a great prophet or miracle worker but as a lady from his own church that he barely knew. She was, as he remarked to the angel, not a particularly important person. Why was she being honoured so?

The angel shrugged with some impatience and explained.

"You forget, God's standards are not the same as the world's standards. He measures things completely differently. She may not have torn up any trees in your judgement. Never got on the telly, never spoke at a conference, never sang on X Factor. Yet she lived a quiet life of kindness, servanthood and faithfulness. God will never overlook such things."

Sometimes, when Bette Midler is singing "From a Distance" and is bellowing

"GOD IS WATCHING! GOD IS WATCHING US FROM A DISTANCE!"

it can seem a little intimitating I know.

However, if you are feeling a little small, a little bit ignored as you go about your life and as you do your best. It can be a comfort to realise that God watches. He appreciates and He doesn't miss anything - not like the rest of us do sometimes. So be thou comforted as it proabably says in some translation somewhere. Have a biscuit and a cup of tea and a laugh at Kitty (as it almost certainly doesn't say in ANY translation) You are loved and appreciated.

Wet

Blimey - I'm not saying it's been raining a lot round here but some bloke with a big boat is trying to coax Morecambe and Lucy on board. It's been half term all week here so daughter has been able to snuggle down every morning while shouting vague promises about finishing her essay on "The Crucible" under her door. We, as the breadwinners have been forced out into the rain every morning  - in my case only to find that the Community Transport users of Plymouth have looked out of the window and decided - "I don't think so thank you" - phoned us up, cancelled and gone back to their one bar fire, Flog It! and a nice cup of tea - as any sensible person would.
There was one particularly memorable morning when I had to walk the hounds before work. It was like God was tipping out celestial buckets over us and, you may not have realised this but it is a physical impossibility to walk two lunatic jacks while carrying a brolly and two poo bags. (The thing is, you can't hold the poo bags in the lead hand because they get tangled so you have to hold them in the brolly hand which means they are right under your nose and I am usually a bit delicate  for that kind of smell first thing)This meant some kind of hat was called for. So, creeping into daughter's room (not too quietly, why should she get all the lie ins?) I pinch a beret. I slam it on and launch myself into walk.
One of the many distressing things that happens when you get older is that you begin to look more and more ridiculous in young people's clothes. In this beret - daughter looks like something Johnny Depp would be chasing. I look like someone he would be chasing off his property. I don't suppose the parka hood pulled over it helped. Oh well, at least I kept my hair dry. It doesn't really matter what I look like as long as I am warm as my Auntie Vera used to say. I can't believe I just wrote that - she was a lady who had a drawer full of rain hats! I promised myself this would never happen to me!
My monthly magazine arrived today and it is the Christmas one. It has caused me to reflect how different my life (i.e. a REAL life) is from their target audience. Or maybe it's just me.

1.  I read that Vintage is again very hot this year, especially when it comes to coats. This is good for me as it means that I can get last year's coat out of the cupboard under the stairs and after a bit of a brush down I will be hot to trot fashion wise.
2. Eye make up will be smokey again so we will be needing new grey and black tones, mascara that can actually give me 4-D lashes and some shimmering highlighter to offset the greys. Excellent. In response to this, I will be giving my eyeliner (free with daughter's magazine - think it was called "Smack" or something) a bit of a sharpen.
3. It's time to look at Christmas fashion. There was a nice article on dresses for the Christmas party and a smart casual look so "you can shine as brightly as any decoration" on Christmas Day. I may well need to shell out on some big knickers to wear under my faithful LBD. As for Christmas Day, trust me, the combination of a steamy kitchen, a mother examining the stuffing for onions - she can't do onions (Mum- it HAS got onions - it's very difficult to make without - you said you would do without stuffing - I KNOW it's not quite the same!) and various teenagers and dogs etc will make me quite shiny enough thank you.
4. Christmas table decorations will be very natural and green this year. This may well mean another raid on the local graveyard to steal consecrated ivy. Is it wrong to steal from God's Garden? Does it not let us off that we are celebrating something lovely? I can't see God minding - he loves me.

Just remember sooo much of this stuff is nonsense. I love my magazine - it has nice stories and photos of celebrities buying wine gums but real people don't live like this. Do not let these people who are trying to sell things steal a second of your time making you worry that you are falling short of their ideal. (Breaking news - they are not kept awake by the fact that you and I may be a bit wrinkly, they are not really worried about you. They are, however thrilled skinny by the thought that you will put a £140 skin cream on your credit card) Real life is a gift - however messy. You should be dancin' - yeh. (apologies - Gibb Brothers)

Taking your time

Thanks very much to all those who have enquired about Eldest Fruit of Womb and his status in York. All seems to be settling down well now after a somewhat shaky start. Without going into details - just a few questions have to be asked I think about the drinking culture in Freshers' Week. Eldest FOW is no teetotaller but he found it all a bit full on.
However, it is much better now and he is especially enjoying the cut and thrust of political debate. I am hoping, however, that as study progresses debate will become more sophisticated. As far as I could make out, the last "debate" descended into something which more or less ended up with Eldest FOW shouting "Step Outside Posh Boy!" But I can't be sure. I wasn't there.
As for us who have been left here - the dogs keep looking out for him as you can see and Head of House and my good self feel a bit like one of those zombies you see on the telly who are dragging themselves around the place having an arm or a leg pulled off. Something is missing if you know what I mean. FOW 2 is missing the general jolliness of home life with a sibling but, I think, is secretly also enjoying watching the X Factor abuse free.
I think this is something that cannot be rushed. It's an important part of life and we can't expect to move to the next stage in life like the great Tommy Cooper - (Just like That! - I'm wasted here - I tell you)
I work full time and I'm a mum and a wife and a daughter and a Christian and a friend and a dog owner and, (if the mood takes me), a home maker as well as a writer and a walker and a reader and a film fan and a football fan (not so much today - 1-6? Are you on drugs?) Like you I suppose, I am always up for a short cut. Something to help me fit everything in but sometimes, things of quality need time - whether it's embroidering the Bayeux Tapestry or sitting and listening to a chum's problem.
Much as I would sometimes like to, I have learnt that I cannot short-cut my way through life if I want to create anything of value. Multi tasking is ok if you are talking about doing supermarket shopping while chatting to a mate about Nancy Del Whatsit in Strictly. It's not so good if you are talking about praying for something and only being able to fit any time alone with God when you are having a wee. Serious adjustments maybe called for there.
Much as I love doing this blog, I also know that in ten years time, it will probably be just static or something. If I want something more permanent, I have to find the time to slow down and create it with care. Because when we create something whether its a book, or a friendship, a lifestyle or a cushion cover, we want it to be worth something. We want it to be lovely and to enrich the lives of those who come into contact with it.
This film clip bit at the end is getting a bit regular now. Don't expect it every week! But this does illustrate so well what I am trying to say. This cake is not what you would call made from scratch. I think even her mother would say it's not the most appetising thing ever. If you are a particular fan of this American TV cook, please don't be offended. Apparently, this lady is the American Queen of the shortcut. Hmm. Cake Anyone?

Never forgetting..

It's all a bit religious here at Hargreaves' Towers this week so don't say I didn't warn you. If you don't fancy it don't worry. It's not been the easiest week as you can imagine. I won't dwell too much on how it's been for us to send away the Fruit of Womb One - you can probably work that out for yourselves. How people go on who send their children off to war, I just don't know. I don't suppose it's much like Downton Abbey where the bloke with the see-through eyes seems to get every weekend off the trenches to come home and do a bit of singing. Actually, that's not very fair of me because I don't watch it. I've seen a bit but the adverts were doing my head in.
I have been thinking about the way we feel about our children. The way they are always in our thoughts and prayers. And then I was thinking that that is how we say God feels about us because he is our Father. But I don't think we act that way. I have to tell you that I spend too much time thinking that God will get bored of my continual moaning and lack of anything constructive to offer and that he will go and find someone more interesting. Billy Graham or Cliff or someone.
It's only when I think about how I feel about my own kids. How they are constantly in my thoughts, how all I have is theirs and how ridiculously proud I am of them. Then maybe - just maybe, I begin to get a flavour of how God feels about me. Not everyone can relate to this of course and people's relationships with loved ones don't always mirror what God would like it to. But sometimes we really need to get hold of how God feels about us and how we are never far from his thoughts.
Some time ago Head of House and myself were really needing an answer to prayer. We decided that we would fast one day a week until God answered. Nothing happened. Not a sausage. Then reading Bill Hybels book - "Too Busy Not to Pray" I noticed the way he approached his prayer. He said (to paraphrase) How insulted would you feel as a parent if, when your child asked you for something, they felt that they had to go away and punish themselves in some way to get your attention?  Either you are on his heart or you are not. We have to get on board with the fact that God is constantly attentive, constantly in touch and constantly tender hearted towards us. We may struggle with this, either because of our life experience or perhaps in some weird way because we feel it diminishes God but what we feel about it isn't so important. It's how God is. We can enjoy it and respond to this offer of undeserved favour or we can get the flagellator and the barbed wire knickers out  and make ourselves suffer in an attempt to curry God's favour. (N.B this is not having a go at fasting - just at fasting as a way of repositioning ourselves as "worthy" Christians - Don't write in)
It is a constant struggle for me to get past what God gives me and what I have actually deserved. Sometimes circumstances make us all feel that God has taken a package tour to someone more deserving where he can commune with someone who has managed to move mountains and harvest white fields and all that sort of thing. Trouble is God says otherwise.

Isaiah 49:14-16

 ¹⁴ But Zion said, “The LORD has forsaken me,
   the Lord has forgotten me.”
 ¹⁵ “Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
   and have no compassion on the child she has borne?
Though she may forget,
   I will not forget you!
¹⁶ See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;
   your walls are ever before me

I just wanted to show you something about rembering. This is Christian the lion. Christian was bought by two blokes from harrods of all places in the 60s. Obvs he became too big and was returned to Africa. When the chaps went back to see him the following scene took place. If you have tears - prepare to shed them...
There is something about care and love that creates even the most unlikely bonds.

Last supper - itis

Some will look at this and say that they can understand why Fruit of Womb One wants to get away. It's just that he was going and Head of the House felt that he should feel the love!

Anyway. He's gone now. All grown up and saving China. (from Mulan in case you are confused) We got back last night after 750 miles of travel, one teenager and his assorted accoutrements having been left in York. Feels weird, as we expected it to but we are all in denial and expecting him home from his holidays any day now. A friend texted me and reminded me that our roles change and we have to roll with it. (A great quote as long as you don't get the spelling of roles/rolls wrong. then it somehow becomes about baking - which is frankly unhelpful)

Haven't been in his room yet (Despite his sister informing him that we have taken the first steps on the road to turning it into a monkey sanctuary.) I have also resisted the urge to phone the uni because his radiator isn't working. I know it's for him to do now. However, I will just say that here's hoping that when fees are trebled next year, funds are made available for a radiator bleed key. I should think they can afford that then shouldn't you?

Short blog as have been feeling a little off colour. Someone suggested it was because I have been emotionally wrung out. I feel it may have more to do with that Chinese takeaway. One day at a time Sweet Jesus - as the country singers say.

Ecclesiastes 3

There's a Right Time for Everything

 ¹ There's an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth:

 ^2-8 A right time for birth and another for death,
   A right time to plant and another to reap,
   A right time to kill and another to heal,
   A right time to destroy and another to construct,
   A right time to cry and another to laugh,
   A right time to lament and another to cheer,
   A right time to make love and another to abstain,
   A right time to embrace and another to part,
   A right time to search and another to count your losses,
   A right time to hold on and another to let go,
   A right time to rip out and another to mend,
   A right time to shut up and another to speak up,
   A right time to love and another to hate,
   A right time to wage war and another to make peace.

Big Ones, Small Ones...

...some as big as yer 'ead!

It's October and that means it's Spider City in our back garden. I think it's the combination of a mild climate, lots of shrubs to spin webs off and that fact that all spiders have a contract out on my life. You can go on as long as you like about how wonderful they are and how many flies they eat and that they are a great part of God's creation-yeh right. Just imagine one on your face sucking the blood out of your eyes. That's what I think they secretly all want to do and you can't prove otherwise can you? Thought not. Just in case there are any spiders reading this. When it gets a bit colder and you are considering moving indoors - remember there is an hysterical woman in here with a rolled up newspaper. You may want to consider next door instead.

It's been a busy week with more to come next week so everything is a bit random again. Have just bought fitted sheets for eldest son's university bed only to receive an email telling me he had been allocated a 6' 3" bed. Hurrah!! I keep thinking of things he will need or might need or probably won't need but maybe should take anyway. (He thinks an iron comes into the last category)

Been out and about quite a lot for me. Last weekend we went to see "Earthquakes in London". We felt it was important to support the National as they were visiting Plymouth  - oh and we had free tickets. I have to tell you though - absolutely no idea. Could not fathom what was going on. We tried really hard because we were with people who get theatre and have professional involvement in the arts but really. I was completely lost. Something to do with the environment and a hospital in heaven I think and the Government and then an annoying girl got her ning-nangs out for no discernible reason as far as I could see. Then everybody on stage danced to Coldplay - which was nice. That was it really. Then we all went back to our friends for a nice cup of tea and pizza. I don't like pizza so I had a box of chocolates. That was my favourite bit.

Also went to see "Tinker Tailor" at the cinema. Absolutely outstanding. really. I held off seeing it because I loved the TV series so much and I had read the book and didn't quite know what else could be done with it. It was excellent though. Gary Oldman is a real screen presence. It's a bit more brutal than the TV series and a bit gayer. Otherwise, I felt that all the original intrigue was in place. Excellent. Am going back with Fruit of Womb Two next week. I know she only wants to see Benedict Cumberbatch as a bottle blond again which is fine by me but I would just like to have another look at the stuff I missed. Am I the only saddo who does this?

Also out at Church Communications Team meeting. (You are lucky I found time to fit you in) All I'll say is that even after thirty years of Christianity, the way Christians seem to enjoy jumping on people's heads when they are only doing their best still makes me catch my breath. You know the kind of thing. Someone designs something (Not me I hasten to add - NOT a strong point) Someone doesn't like it. Perfectly fine - everyone is entitled to their opinion. Then though, they carry on moaning and whinging like someone has removed John's Gospel! Important things are happening you know. Really, you can move on from this. Before we all die of boredom. Rant over. Thank you. (I can now hear God saying in my head "And of course-you are a model of patience when YOU don't like something" - but I'm ignoring him. I know he loves me really)

 Have also found time in the last couple of weeks to master Skype. Well I say "master" - I had to be talked through it like a child by a tech savvy friend. Still I am now confident that I can stalk eldest Fruit Of Womb when he goes away.

So that's it for this week. Have to go. We have things to plan. Do you think he will need a sieve? What about a grater? If you enjoyed any of this drivel, please comment and let me know. On a serious note. Remember that no crisis is so bad that you don't have time for a rousing chorus of Flag Hippo!!!!!! Take it away Tim!

A year later..

So it was year yesterday since my brother died. I've been a bit more wobbly about it than I expected to be really. I don't normally do anniversaries very well - good or bad. Firstly, I just don't remember things well. To be honest, I'm never that keen on putting aside a special day to remember anyone. I sort of think that if you are resonably sensitive and in touch with the person then everyday things will bring them to mind and then you respond accordingly. For instance, I came across this on t'Internet

This was from a programme called "An Audience with Victoria Wood" All those years ago, it was the first chance we had to see a Victoria Wood stand-up and Dave and I were big fans. Trouble was, we were due to go out that night. So, we set the video. Our new video. Checked it twice, gave it a start time of ten minutes early and a finish of ten minutes late, like you used to do in those days - just to make sure and off we went.
When we got back, we got a brew, sat down to watch the programme and were devastated when after about 15 minutes it stopped. It didn't seem to have recorded. Dave started fiddling with the wires and the connection and I shouted Mum in case she had noticed any problems.
When she came in she greeted us with the news that she thought that there was something wrong with the recorder. Well we knew that but why was she so sure?
"Well, " she explained " When I came in it was making a sort of whirring noise and I didn't like the sound of that so I unplugged it."
"Mum! It's making a noise because its recording! The little wheels go round on the tape see??!"
Unrepentant and unimpressed she said. "Well no-one told me. It's your own fault."
We never let her forget it and for years after that whenever we had set anything to record we would shout
"Mum, I've set the video. It will make a noise. Do not switch off, evacuate the house or call the emergency services ok?"
I guess you had to be there but it's the little memories like these that are the fabric of our relationships. It's often the little joys and the sorrows that we miss when people are gone. Like most people who have lost someone, I am grateful for the shared times and then I'm angry that, this side of heaven there won't be any more. We grew up together. We had plenty of differences, all of which we sorted because we loved each other and we had such a deep rooted life history. Not that we came to agree on everything because we didn't. It didn't seem to matter somehow. Not when the will was there to make it work. Not when you could remember laughing together at your Mum and her aversion to technology together - after you had got over the urge to kill her.
So now I move on. Not to forget but because life is too precious not to.

Life in the Lifeboat

Apologies for the lack of a blog last week. Complicated and boring reasons. Life continues here at Hargreaves Towers as usual in case you were wondering. I have spent a very thoughtful week though what with one thing and another. I know that's not like me but there you are. We went to a wedding yesterday. It was very nice although I barely knew a soul there (significant other half's work mate) People took pity on me and chatted and the like. The bride look lovely although the main picture I will take away from the day is the way she and the bridal party went speeding down the aisle like Usain Bolt. People were pressing their camera phones like billy-o trying desperately to get a bit of a photo as she whizzed past.
When you go to church every week, you forget how intimidating it can be. Childhood memories of miserable crows singing equally miserable songs may be strong in people's minds as well as what may be termed as "brushes" with Christians. Some people may have tried to attend church and not found a warm welcome or found the essential message delivered in a way that was so difficult that they gave up. All of these things have happened to people I know.
I can see things from the other side as well. People with problems become Christians. We find a home and a secure place with God in a church. This may be something that we have never known. We become settled with our friends and the people that love us. When new people come in, we don't always find the time or the inclination to talk to them because we are still dealing with our own things or just enjoying our friends' company. The trouble is that we are in the lifeboat and many of these people are not.
I am one of the few people in the world who has not seen Titanic. I know this puts me in a minority of about ten. Still, I know people who have never seen Star Wars and I, to my shame, can quote paragraphs of dialogue from it. (Original version. No CGI and Solo shot first by the way.) The only Titanic film I have ever seen was "A Night to Remember." It's not that different I imagine - it doesn't end well. My lasting memory of it is people trying to get onto lifeboats and people who were on pushing them away because they were frightened it would capsize. It was portrayed as cowardly and mean (in a very British, black and white kind of way) which of course it was. I don't think it's very different to what we do when we don't welcome people into our communities properly.
It should be easy for people to come in to be with us. We should be evolving strategies and creatively thinking of light and open ways for people to come and ask the questions that they need to ask. There should be places for people to go and people for them to see. We shouldn't wait for them to make the first move.
When I had known my significant other half for a little while - he rang up to ask me out. When I wasn't there, he left a message with my Mum along the lines of "If she fancies a night out - tell her to give me a call." I did call because I was mad for him but it didn't make it right and I have made him pay for it on and off for the last twenty years! We are supposed to do the inviting. We are suppsed to show it as irresistible which it is. It's our job to be holding out the oar for people to get hold of - not smacking them on the head with it until they go away.
So at the end of a very thoughtful week for me. I leave you with a thoughtful video. If you are one of the two people on the planet not to have seen this. I warn you. Prepare to have your brain mashed by a song that won't go away!