Dead

I do hope you don't mind this. This is a re-post from last year's Easter Saturday. It's not that I think  it's the bees knees or anything. It's just that today is important I think. Almost as challenging as Good Friday was for the followers of Christ. And it's important for those waiting for a miracle from God. When God seems distant, when we feel we have lost, when the waiting seems hopeless. That experience is rooted in Easter Saturday

This is Easter Saturday. A Holy Day for many Christians. A day of complicated theology. For me Easter Saturday means something else. It is the day before the miracle. The day when the tomb was still well and truly shut to those outside. A day when Jesus' followers were saying - Well what was all that about then? A day when the promised end seemed impossible. A day when God's power may not have seemed as powerful as they had hoped. The day that followed the darkest day and it showed no improvement - no sign of what was to come. Only cold, dark quiet. No signs from God, no encouragement, no answers.

Easter Saturday resonates with anyone on the journey of faith. A silence from God. A pause in the plan. No clues as to the coming miracle. Just a quiet, waiting game. We know now that Sunday came and with it, the extraordinary. But the Easter Saturday experience is just as important. The faith. The waiting. The unbelief. The expectancy. The confusion. This is where the pattern for faith is set. This is where we learn who God is, as we wait.

Reserving the right to be sad

Today is Good Friday. All over the Interweb Christian friends are putting stuff up saying "It's Friday but Sunday's coming!" or "A lot can happen in three days!!!" or "Don't Worry - Victory is around the corner."

This is all well and good and there is nothing to disagree with, it's just, can I say "Whoa! Slow down there Missy" Sunday will be Sunday and that's amazing but today is Friday - all day. It is a day in its own right. A profound and amazing thing happened today. Jesus decided to lose today. For me. For you. And it was sad and slow and horrible. I'm a bit uncomfortable with moving on too soon. Listen, I'm not going to spend the day in sackcloth and ashes. Life being what it is, this is the only day my family can get together for its Easter Meal and it will be great.

But just for today, just for some of it. Lets' not rush. Let's weep with those who weep. (It's easy to find plenty of those at the moment.)  Take time to think about Friday. Tomorrow will be Saturday with challenges of its own - God was dead and in the grave and Sunday will surely follow but today is Friday, Good Friday; a day of profound gratitude first and foremost.

Mancs Ahoy

So did you like "The Ark"? It was at least good to see a bit of Christianity in the lead up to Easter even if "bit" is the most relevant word in that sentence, Anyway, I really liked it. I thought it was full of warmth and love and at least there was a few references to God which is always helpful in a Biblical story, don't cha think? A few thoughts

• What is it with these fictitious sons that these new films keep giving to Noah? I always thought that he had enough to deal with, with the first three. Apparently the fourth son was from Hollyoaks. I do not know if this is significant. Probably not.
• As with the Russell Crowe version, the world that had to be wiped out seems be underplayed somewhat. In this case, it looks as if God decided to wipe out all humanity because of a particularly drunken student party.
• It could have done with a bit more money thrown at it really. I don't suppose that anyone could afford any CGI for the animals so consequently the march of the animals seems to have been put together by cutting them out of black paper, sticking them onto the back of a lolly stick and playing shadow puppet theatre. Also, I think I coughed and missed the actual flood. One minute everyone was strapping themselves down and the next Noah was doing big stretches on Mount Ararat.
• There has been a lot of moaning about the fact that Noah's family all had Mancunian accents - like this was a bad thing. It worked for me. Northern was good. Northern is always good. That is all.

Strange Times

I think I have been in the middle of a slight but significant nervous breakdown, Life has sat on my head and made a rude noise. First, the good news. All my mum's tests have come back negative since her operation so that is very good and thank you all for the praying. 

The fall downstairs has been slightly problematic. I am not the kind of person who keeps moaning about life and saying "Why God?" but as I plunged down eight stairs - I remember thinking "Why God?" I do not have time for this. I am trying to be a good daughter to Aged Parent. I am trying to get my life in order and do things. My arm hurts. 

I have not blogged because I have felt sulky. Church has been difficult because driving has been nigh on impossible and HOH has been working. I could have walked but I felt so jiggered, I just didn't. (It is quite a long way, when your arm is hurting) I have been to work because I have to. Did I mention that my arm hurts?

Do you think the sainty kinds of people go to bed sometimes and spend time which could be redeemed in a good way, just complaining? Well I am not a sainty kind of person and I have done just that thing.

I have been basically unmoved by how many horrible things have happened in the world. I am a brat. 

I remind me of Jonah who got all arsey when God saved Ninevah and Elijah who behaved like a big girl's blouse when he was scared. (I am not comparing myself to great men of God - at least only when they messed up) 

Hopefully, you are not reading this to get to the bit where God bursts through the curtains with his happy sherbert dip and makes everything ok because that hasn't happened. At least not yet. (Any minute now possibly) So what to do?

Well this is what I am rolling with now. It's a bit abstract and not all of it is working but hopefully you get the idea.

• If my heart is overwhelmed,
  and I cannot hear your voice.
  I hold on to what is true,
  Though I cannot see.
  If the storms of life they come,
  And the road ahead gets steep.
  I will lift these hands in faith,
  I will believe.
  I'll remind myself
  Of all that You've done
  And this life I have
  Because of Your son. (Jeremy Riddle, Brian Mark Johnson, Jenn Louise Johnson, Jeremy David Edwardson, Ian Bruce Mcintosh.)
  
• “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11
  
• And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (KJV)

• Jesus said, “I’ll come and heal him.” Matthew 8

So that is the kind of thing I am writing down. It is supplemented by

1. Chocolate
2. Raised By Wolves (TV Comedy - quite rude - don't say I didn't warn you)
3. Family and Dog
4. Obsessively watching Only Connect

It's just about keeping on really. Keeping on and knowing. Or trying to know that God is who he says he is and he thinks I am ok. I am working very hard at believing him about the second bit. 

Walking Wounded

Number 14 in my "Rules To Live By - Based Only On My Own Rubbish Theories" is never to ask God "What else can go wrong?" - just in case he decides to show me.
Anyway, am in middle of weekend caring for Aged Parent. (She is doing well, thank you for prayers and support. A little too many frank conversations about bowel movements for my personal preference but there you are) She says on Sunday - "Have a day off - my friend is coming round for the afternoon. " So I do and I take the dog out and he promptly pulls me down set of six concrete steps that lead up to (or in my case, down from) our front door. Please note horrific facial scar which I am bearing bravely along with injured arm which is stopping me driving and attractive bruised hand.

Life is very full at the moment

What Am I Doing?

So, because I am doing a sterling job at nursey stuff I couldn't do church Sunday morning (and can I just say how really grateful I am for your prayers and thoughts. I remain certain that prayer changes things) so listened to Desert Island Discs which I nearly always enjoy but rarely manage to catch. Can I just chivvy you up a bit if you can to find Sunday's programme with Bryan Stevenson (above). He is " the founder and Executive Director of the Equal Justice Initiative, a private, non-profit organization headquartered in Montgomery, Alabama, and is a professor at New York University School of Law"

He had some stories to tell - of children of 13 being sentenced to life without parole. Stories of 11 year old boys in adult detention centres being subjected to terrible sexual and physical abuse. And Mr Stevenson and his team work for nothing to support the poor and expose the racial inequality in the penal system. Just sat on my bed with my socks in my hand - completely mesmerised. What a bloke. Great music too. What am I doing with my life?

here's the link if it helps

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b054pbb3
.
PS Sorry font is weird. Technology is a blessing and a curse I find

Sorry

Apologies for the absence. We have had a week and a half here at Martha Towers. I am only touching base quickly to update you. Last week Aged Parent was diagnosed with uterine cancer. It was all caught very quickly with an operation and everything and the prognosis is good so far but it is all a bit shocking. I did think about whether to pass this on or not but firstly as Aged Parent is telling everyone with a pulse, privacy does not seem to be an issue and also, I think we know each other well enough for me to have to give you an explanation fro my absence. 

I have not written anything at all for a week and a half and feel like my leg has been sawn off so it's nice to put my thoughts into some sort of order again. It's not so much the soul searching that is taking the time but the visiting and the cleaning etc so don't think I am sat in a cupboard rocking at the horror of it all. Can I just say NHS - God bless you and all who sail in you. It is an extraordinary thing you have going there. However, it being some good time since I had to call on you for anything of note, I have to say that the strain on the workers is more noticeable now. Too few people for too many tasks may make an underwhelming service that is easier to justify selling off to a private concern (not that anyone is trying to do that of course) but what it is doing to these dedicated staff who came in because they wanted to do a GOOD THING is scandalous.

So it has taken me out of Towards Belief on a Monday which I have missed and a couple of other things I wanted to do but that can't be helped. Things are moving back towards a little normality now (whisper it) -  we are actually off to the theatre tonight. But, those of you that are praying types, if you could find it in your innards to add us to the list, we would be extremely grateful. Speak soon

Faith Suppers

By now they had arrived at the house of the town official, and pushed their way through the gossips looking for a story and the neighbours bringing in casseroles. Jesus was abrupt: “Clear out! This girl isn’t dead. She’s sleeping.” They told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. But when Jesus had gotten rid of the crowd, he went in, took the girl’s hand, and pulled her to her feet—alive. The news was soon out, and traveled throughout the region.
Matthew 9 23-26

So this is the Message account of  Jesus raising the Official's Daughter from the dead. And I love it! Not for the super spiritual obvious reason that you might think but because I have seen the way Christians react around tragedy and this is spot on. The way we gather and don't know what to say - because what is there to say? We just want to be there to support and to give something. But what is there to give in a situation like this? Well people need to eat I suppose - so let's cook...a casserole! Everyone loves a casserole. (Practical too because you can freeze it and warm it up) Now I suppose I could be a bit negative and say that instead of people turning to Jesus they messed around with ineffectual things like casseroles and there is some truth in that. But, while we are getting round to coming to our senses and coming to God for help, there's a lot to be said for reaching out to people in a loving practical way. "By their casseroles, ye shall know them" - as the King James Version almost certainly never says.

Sustain

Even to your old age and grey hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46 4 

My personal belief, for which I have no evidence other than that of my own eyes, is that God seems to like to give himself elbow room to work with people. Although nano second miracles are possible, he seems to lead people slowly and purposefully to the place they need to be. Answers to prayer can seem to be painfully slow and tortuous. Sometimes you look at where you have arrived and although you are not sure how you got there, you see that God has sustained and rescued - in that order.

We may not be able to get what we want immediately, we may need to actually go though that thing we have asked not to go through. But through those times, God has promised to sustain. I think maybe we need to be careful that we take the temporary sustenance that God gives us and not reject it because it isn't the big deal we were looking for. Once, in a period of financial tightness, (dead skint as we say up north) God sent us money to pay for some stuff that we needed. My attitude was one of panic, hold on to the dosh, don't spend it, who knows what is in the future. HOH said - "You are in danger of not using the manna that God has sent for this." He was annoyingly right.

The sustaining and the carrying come first followed by the rescue. Lots of sustaining, lots of rescues. In the small things, in the big things. All our lives. Until we are old and grey.

More Hall

So apparently this is leaking viewers like an old leaky thing in a leaky shop. It is up against Midsomer Murders (and I am a bit partial to that sort of thing myself to be honest) but we are still with it - big time. 

Someone at work said it is too slow but I think that's why I like it, being quite a slow person myself. I like the richness and the three-dimensiony (not a word I know) way that it has, It is quite scary too, knowing as we do that it not exactly a Disney-like. Happy endings are hard to come by here. Henry has turned on Anne Boleyn and it is all very tense. Rylance now looks more and more like the Holbein portrait all the time. I am getting a very tight posterior just sitting here.

A Bit Lost

Sorry all. I am not sure quite what happened with the T'Internet. I thought I had put a blog up and then it wasn't there and then some comments flew the nest as well. I am wrestling manfully with a new laptop and losing most of the time so it's probably my fault. Never mind - all seems to be ok now. 

Anyway, just calling in to let you know I am really enjoying The Silkworm from JK Rowling which has just gone into paperback. (Daughter's gap year job at Waterstones bookshop paying off at last - bought this for me half price)  She is a really talented writer of stories I think. All those years writing Harry Potter and it was almost as if it wasn't that difficult because it was a children's story (this is quite obviously rubbish) and here she is proving that she is dead clever by creating a really good detective series for adults as well. Genius. (I never liked her) 

There is nothing on at the pictures except for half term kids films and Fifty Shades of Grey and though I bow to no one in my admiration for Paddington I have seen it already. The less said about 50 Shades the better. Leaving behind all the very deep debates about submissive relationships , it just seems me like whoever is marketing this is having the time of their lives just counting the money. 

We are still talking at Towards Belief every Monday night in Costa Coffee. The idea is to talk about things that have stopped people believing such as religious violence, miracles, abuse in the church etc. Really big deals and it is all very interesting. The more we talk though, the more I get to believe that what is needed most is a work of the Spirit. We can talk till we are blue in the face but I think that it is God that warms the heart. (This is not an advert for Calvinism - it is just me thinking that without God, talking doesn't cut it) Still, am enjoying the company of the people there and I get a free cup of tea as well so Hurrah for evangelism, that's what I say!