Chasing Francis

Eden

This is a book about a pastor of a mega church who has a crisis of faith. When I first bought it, I thought "Oooh - how honest, there's not many pastors of mega churches who would be brave enough to do that." However, I think I must have misunderstood. It's not a biography - it's a novel i.e.fiction.
I had a bit of a problem with this at first. My own fault I think, having not read the blurb properly. I was a bit shall I /sharn't I? about reading it at all but it had cost me nearly a tenner so away we go.
I am really glad I made the effort. It is a novel and it is excellent. The pastor in question has a crisis of faith, much of which takes place in the pulpit. The elders ask him to leave (asap) and try and get himself together. He goes to Italy, where has an uncle who is a monk. The uncle leads him through the teaching of St Francis. This challenges everything he has every understood about how he lives out his faith in God, about how all his mind based certainties about how a Christ like life should be lived may not be quite what he thinks they are and how people who he would have judged as deficient in some way may be connecting with God's will in a way that may be better than his.
Some parts are very moving as he sort of sees Jesus for the first time. HOH found some of the parts based in his home church quite disturbing, presenting, as they do, people jockeying for position in his absence. 
Of course, this is a novel and some bits can seems a bit too good to be true. Who has a wise monk-uncle living in the most beautiful parts of Italy? (Well I suppose, someone must have - just no-one I have ever heard of) The good people are very good and the bad people are - well - disappointing. However, it is writing with spiritual impact I think. It becomes clear fairly early on that some of the things the pastor has learnt have also affected the writer. In fact, the last part of the book contains instruction on how to take these thoughts further, which is very useful. I enjoyed it a lot and learnt a lot. It has also managed to ask me some important questions about my Christianity. Highly recommended by er...me

Do you ever just get a song in your head?

Wikipedia

 Only because it was in my head all day yesterday - can't remember any of the verses - just this chorus. So, just remembering when you sang a verse and then tucked your hymn book under your arm to clap in the chorus or if you were really, really spiritual you didn't pick up the book at all!   (Freaks)

Just a lovely. lovely song---2,3,4

I can never tell how much I love Him,
I can never tell His love for me,
For it passeth human measure,
Like a deep, unfathomed sea;
’Tis redeeming love in Christ my Savior,
In my soul the heav’nly joys begin;
And I live for Jesus only,
Since the fullness of His love came in.

Eliza E Hewitt 1916

How Old?

Happy Birthday FOW2!!! 19? Really? Shurley some mistake?

Just me and my mum...

driving each other crazy...


(Me)Thought you might like a trip to Dunelm Mill

(Aged Parent) What for?

Dunno, just thought you might fancy a walk round.

Well, I don't really need anything but..

(Later - entering Dunelm Mill.)

We are just passing the bedding - Did you need anything? 

 No. I need some storage. 

It's just that, if you do need bedding, it's best to get it now because we would have to walk all the way back round the warehouse to get back here.

No, just storage.

What sort of storage?

I'll know when I see it. Just storage.

What are you storing - Christmas Decs, Eiderdowns, Cup cakes, assault rifles?

I am ignoring you. It says storage over there

It says Children's storage. There's more round the corner.

(Walk round the corner - no storage there)

I saw storage back there, and I said so but you said no.

Wasn't that Children's storage? 

Nope.

(Walk back in direction of parent's pointy finger. Stand under large sign saying "Children's Storage"). 

There's only children's storage here

Yes, I think I did say so. Did you want children's storage - some of it is quite cute?

Don't be ridiculous.

(We carry on walking round the store, in slow yet sure pursuit of an underbed box for winter sweater storage)

Did that laptop come?

Nope.

Is it lost in the post?

Nope. It's being signed for. It will arrive.

What if someone else signs for it?

They won't.

Will you ring me when it arrives?

Why?

To put my mind at rest. Anyone could sign for it.

Only someone in our house. If someone breaks in at the precise moment the postman is knocking at my letterbox and stands at my front door and signs for it, I will be worried.

You're not funny.

Look, here are some storage boxes. (Stop at huge wall of various boxes)

This is good. I like these.

Brilliant. So you have everything now yes?

Yes - just as soon as I find where the bedding is.

Back from Cardiff

So, we are back from 2 days in Cardiff. A little bit of shopping and a nice hotel breakfast. I am a big fan of hotel buffet breakfasts even though I would never dream of eating cereal, full english and a danish for breakfast under normal circumstances; it means you don't need lunch so, is therefore a very frugal move on my part. 

The main reason we decamped to Cardiff was to see Caitlin Moran at St David's Hall. You may or may not have heard of her. She is a columnist for The Times, a writer and also has just written the script for Channel 4's Raised By Wolves. 

Caitlin Moran is very funny and smart with some important things to say. However, it would probably not be wise to go and see her with your maiden aunt (or with Roy Chubby Brown and Howard Stern actually) She has a colourful way with the English language and is also a passionate feminist. As part of this passion, she feels that certain female "things" need to be addressed in an open, out there sort of way. It is not for the faint hearted. 

Among subjects covered on the night were - body image, menstruation, shaving legs, not being a size 8, the thigh gap and a few things I probably shouldn't bother you with. If it's sounds a bit heavy, it really wasn't - she is very funny and sweet and kind. My daughter loved her and so did I. There were lots of things I didn't agree with but, it was great to hear a woman tell other women that they are beautiful, that they shouldn't take any notice of magazines and movies that tell them otherwise. I might be a bit old to be standing up with 1500 other people shouting "I am a feminist" but it was a great night. 

Politics

This is not the time or the place for politics even though everywhere seems to be full of it. However, this week, a promising breakthrough. I heard this weekend that there is enough money in the national kitty so that people with houses worth up to £1000,000 don't have to pay inheritance tax, which is nice. I am so pleased that that there is an unexpected windfall. You see, where I work we have a volunteer who was recently told that he is fit for work, despite his ongoing depressive illness - established by the fact that he can hold a pen and walk ten paces successfully. His doctor  is adamant that he shouldn't be working and should continue his therapeutic work for us but times are tough for everybody and there just wasn't the money in the public purse. But now - hurrah! It seems that there is some money about and I am sure that the powers that be will happily put it my friend's way so that he doesn't need to leave us. What?

Nothing

Living intentionally. That's the way forward. Not wasting a second. A plan for everything and everything in a plan. I like a list I do. Mainly because I forget so much these days - old age rather than a hectic lifestyle. Life is apparently like a cheque book or something and every day is a cheque waiting to be written which you can never return (unlike most cheques which can be returned if you don't have enough money in your account. I am not sure that I have understood this analogy.) Apparently we are all going to be lying on our deathbeds wishing that we had been able to tick more off our to-do lists.

It's just, do I always have to be balling socks when I am watching the telly? (I have never balled socks while watching the telly but am assured that some people do) Do I have to excuse listening to the Reverend Richard Coles on the radio by dusting while I am doing so? Does all my activity have to be useful or instructive or deep? Is there no room for sitting and staring out of the window and thinking about nothing? Is it still ok to put your head back and doze for twenty minutes when you get in from work - even though you know full well that there are shoes to be cobbled and roofs to be thatched? Am I still ok to kind of leave the room mentally every now and then? 

Jim Elliot said

" Wherever you are, be all there! Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God."

This is, I think, a call to living every moment for God, which no one could argue with. It's just that I think we should be careful how the word "live" is defined here. Just sitting contemplating with your chin on your knee, shouldn't be a bad thing. It shouldn't make you feel guilty. There will always be stuff to be done but sometimes you have to let it go - like the annoying Disney song. (Can I just say Frozen - no where near as good as Mulan. End of discussion) 

This is not a call to just sitting there and letting it all get past you. It's just about it being ok to stop every now and then. Sometimes to think things through, sometimes to give God time to speak and sometimes to suddenly wake up after unexpectedly losing consciousness while just closing your eyes while waiting for the kettle to boil. 

Read

Originally for me, this book fell into one of two buckets

This is a book deliberately written to provide a simple guide to return to simple prayer.

                                                OR

Someone famous who has just thrown together some well worn prayer certainties which has taken him about twenty minutes.

I have to confess that the first time I read this, it fell into the second bucket - leaving almost no impression at all. It was like eating one of those flying saucer sweets that melted on your tongue and then disappeared to nothing. (Although sometimes, if you were unlucky,  they got stuck on your teeth and you couldn't get them off and your mouth went all claggy.)

However, I wouldn't claim to be the queen of the world when it comes to attention spans, so I had another look, especially as I noticed that it was nominated for Christian Book of the Year. Having read it again,  I think that, if it is read a different way to the way that I did; slowly, prayerfully and possibly with a pencil and notebook, there is more to be had here than I gave it credit for. There are simple but strong truths here and it does no harm to read them again. There is also a study  area at the back where you can go over what you have read and apply it. It opens up even further then. I think it probably does people good to read that prayer can be simple and straightforward. We do not need to put on airs and graces to come to our Father to speak and it is important to know that. (However as a person who has few problems getting stuff off her chest to God and whines to him on an almost minute by minute basis, I sometimes wonder if God thinks he could do with a bit more reverence and all that hows your father from me - but that's my shortcoming not yours I expect.)

For me, other books on prayer - "Too Busy Not To Pray" by Bill Hybels and "The Road Of Blessing" by Pen Wilcock hit the mark a bit more. That is very much a personal preference of course - don't write to the Daily Mail. I would recommend the Lucado, as a basis to overhaul your prayer life and shake it up a bit. If you do it properly I think it is very useful.

I, on the other hand, am now going back to reading the next one in CF Dunn's "Secret of the Journal" series. It's very tense and a real knicker gripper as my old nana used to say.  

.

Dead

I do hope you don't mind this. This is a re-post from last year's Easter Saturday. It's not that I think  it's the bees knees or anything. It's just that today is important I think. Almost as challenging as Good Friday was for the followers of Christ. And it's important for those waiting for a miracle from God. When God seems distant, when we feel we have lost, when the waiting seems hopeless. That experience is rooted in Easter Saturday

This is Easter Saturday. A Holy Day for many Christians. A day of complicated theology. For me Easter Saturday means something else. It is the day before the miracle. The day when the tomb was still well and truly shut to those outside. A day when Jesus' followers were saying - Well what was all that about then? A day when the promised end seemed impossible. A day when God's power may not have seemed as powerful as they had hoped. The day that followed the darkest day and it showed no improvement - no sign of what was to come. Only cold, dark quiet. No signs from God, no encouragement, no answers.

Easter Saturday resonates with anyone on the journey of faith. A silence from God. A pause in the plan. No clues as to the coming miracle. Just a quiet, waiting game. We know now that Sunday came and with it, the extraordinary. But the Easter Saturday experience is just as important. The faith. The waiting. The unbelief. The expectancy. The confusion. This is where the pattern for faith is set. This is where we learn who God is, as we wait.

Reserving the right to be sad

Today is Good Friday. All over the Interweb Christian friends are putting stuff up saying "It's Friday but Sunday's coming!" or "A lot can happen in three days!!!" or "Don't Worry - Victory is around the corner."

This is all well and good and there is nothing to disagree with, it's just, can I say "Whoa! Slow down there Missy" Sunday will be Sunday and that's amazing but today is Friday - all day. It is a day in its own right. A profound and amazing thing happened today. Jesus decided to lose today. For me. For you. And it was sad and slow and horrible. I'm a bit uncomfortable with moving on too soon. Listen, I'm not going to spend the day in sackcloth and ashes. Life being what it is, this is the only day my family can get together for its Easter Meal and it will be great.

But just for today, just for some of it. Lets' not rush. Let's weep with those who weep. (It's easy to find plenty of those at the moment.)  Take time to think about Friday. Tomorrow will be Saturday with challenges of its own - God was dead and in the grave and Sunday will surely follow but today is Friday, Good Friday; a day of profound gratitude first and foremost.

Mancs Ahoy

So did you like "The Ark"? It was at least good to see a bit of Christianity in the lead up to Easter even if "bit" is the most relevant word in that sentence, Anyway, I really liked it. I thought it was full of warmth and love and at least there was a few references to God which is always helpful in a Biblical story, don't cha think? A few thoughts

• What is it with these fictitious sons that these new films keep giving to Noah? I always thought that he had enough to deal with, with the first three. Apparently the fourth son was from Hollyoaks. I do not know if this is significant. Probably not.
• As with the Russell Crowe version, the world that had to be wiped out seems be underplayed somewhat. In this case, it looks as if God decided to wipe out all humanity because of a particularly drunken student party.
• It could have done with a bit more money thrown at it really. I don't suppose that anyone could afford any CGI for the animals so consequently the march of the animals seems to have been put together by cutting them out of black paper, sticking them onto the back of a lolly stick and playing shadow puppet theatre. Also, I think I coughed and missed the actual flood. One minute everyone was strapping themselves down and the next Noah was doing big stretches on Mount Ararat.
• There has been a lot of moaning about the fact that Noah's family all had Mancunian accents - like this was a bad thing. It worked for me. Northern was good. Northern is always good. That is all.

Strange Times

I think I have been in the middle of a slight but significant nervous breakdown, Life has sat on my head and made a rude noise. First, the good news. All my mum's tests have come back negative since her operation so that is very good and thank you all for the praying. 

The fall downstairs has been slightly problematic. I am not the kind of person who keeps moaning about life and saying "Why God?" but as I plunged down eight stairs - I remember thinking "Why God?" I do not have time for this. I am trying to be a good daughter to Aged Parent. I am trying to get my life in order and do things. My arm hurts. 

I have not blogged because I have felt sulky. Church has been difficult because driving has been nigh on impossible and HOH has been working. I could have walked but I felt so jiggered, I just didn't. (It is quite a long way, when your arm is hurting) I have been to work because I have to. Did I mention that my arm hurts?

Do you think the sainty kinds of people go to bed sometimes and spend time which could be redeemed in a good way, just complaining? Well I am not a sainty kind of person and I have done just that thing.

I have been basically unmoved by how many horrible things have happened in the world. I am a brat. 

I remind me of Jonah who got all arsey when God saved Ninevah and Elijah who behaved like a big girl's blouse when he was scared. (I am not comparing myself to great men of God - at least only when they messed up) 

Hopefully, you are not reading this to get to the bit where God bursts through the curtains with his happy sherbert dip and makes everything ok because that hasn't happened. At least not yet. (Any minute now possibly) So what to do?

Well this is what I am rolling with now. It's a bit abstract and not all of it is working but hopefully you get the idea.

• If my heart is overwhelmed,
  and I cannot hear your voice.
  I hold on to what is true,
  Though I cannot see.
  If the storms of life they come,
  And the road ahead gets steep.
  I will lift these hands in faith,
  I will believe.
  I'll remind myself
  Of all that You've done
  And this life I have
  Because of Your son. (Jeremy Riddle, Brian Mark Johnson, Jenn Louise Johnson, Jeremy David Edwardson, Ian Bruce Mcintosh.)
  
• “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly. Matthew 11
  
• And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (KJV)

• Jesus said, “I’ll come and heal him.” Matthew 8

So that is the kind of thing I am writing down. It is supplemented by

1. Chocolate
2. Raised By Wolves (TV Comedy - quite rude - don't say I didn't warn you)
3. Family and Dog
4. Obsessively watching Only Connect

It's just about keeping on really. Keeping on and knowing. Or trying to know that God is who he says he is and he thinks I am ok. I am working very hard at believing him about the second bit. 

Walking Wounded

Number 14 in my "Rules To Live By - Based Only On My Own Rubbish Theories" is never to ask God "What else can go wrong?" - just in case he decides to show me.
Anyway, am in middle of weekend caring for Aged Parent. (She is doing well, thank you for prayers and support. A little too many frank conversations about bowel movements for my personal preference but there you are) She says on Sunday - "Have a day off - my friend is coming round for the afternoon. " So I do and I take the dog out and he promptly pulls me down set of six concrete steps that lead up to (or in my case, down from) our front door. Please note horrific facial scar which I am bearing bravely along with injured arm which is stopping me driving and attractive bruised hand.

Life is very full at the moment

What Am I Doing?

So, because I am doing a sterling job at nursey stuff I couldn't do church Sunday morning (and can I just say how really grateful I am for your prayers and thoughts. I remain certain that prayer changes things) so listened to Desert Island Discs which I nearly always enjoy but rarely manage to catch. Can I just chivvy you up a bit if you can to find Sunday's programme with Bryan Stevenson (above). He is " the founder and Executive Director of the Equal Justice Initiative, a private, non-profit organization headquartered in Montgomery, Alabama, and is a professor at New York University School of Law"

He had some stories to tell - of children of 13 being sentenced to life without parole. Stories of 11 year old boys in adult detention centres being subjected to terrible sexual and physical abuse. And Mr Stevenson and his team work for nothing to support the poor and expose the racial inequality in the penal system. Just sat on my bed with my socks in my hand - completely mesmerised. What a bloke. Great music too. What am I doing with my life?

here's the link if it helps

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b054pbb3
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PS Sorry font is weird. Technology is a blessing and a curse I find

Sorry

Apologies for the absence. We have had a week and a half here at Martha Towers. I am only touching base quickly to update you. Last week Aged Parent was diagnosed with uterine cancer. It was all caught very quickly with an operation and everything and the prognosis is good so far but it is all a bit shocking. I did think about whether to pass this on or not but firstly as Aged Parent is telling everyone with a pulse, privacy does not seem to be an issue and also, I think we know each other well enough for me to have to give you an explanation fro my absence. 

I have not written anything at all for a week and a half and feel like my leg has been sawn off so it's nice to put my thoughts into some sort of order again. It's not so much the soul searching that is taking the time but the visiting and the cleaning etc so don't think I am sat in a cupboard rocking at the horror of it all. Can I just say NHS - God bless you and all who sail in you. It is an extraordinary thing you have going there. However, it being some good time since I had to call on you for anything of note, I have to say that the strain on the workers is more noticeable now. Too few people for too many tasks may make an underwhelming service that is easier to justify selling off to a private concern (not that anyone is trying to do that of course) but what it is doing to these dedicated staff who came in because they wanted to do a GOOD THING is scandalous.

So it has taken me out of Towards Belief on a Monday which I have missed and a couple of other things I wanted to do but that can't be helped. Things are moving back towards a little normality now (whisper it) -  we are actually off to the theatre tonight. But, those of you that are praying types, if you could find it in your innards to add us to the list, we would be extremely grateful. Speak soon

Faith Suppers

By now they had arrived at the house of the town official, and pushed their way through the gossips looking for a story and the neighbours bringing in casseroles. Jesus was abrupt: “Clear out! This girl isn’t dead. She’s sleeping.” They told him he didn’t know what he was talking about. But when Jesus had gotten rid of the crowd, he went in, took the girl’s hand, and pulled her to her feet—alive. The news was soon out, and traveled throughout the region.
Matthew 9 23-26

So this is the Message account of  Jesus raising the Official's Daughter from the dead. And I love it! Not for the super spiritual obvious reason that you might think but because I have seen the way Christians react around tragedy and this is spot on. The way we gather and don't know what to say - because what is there to say? We just want to be there to support and to give something. But what is there to give in a situation like this? Well people need to eat I suppose - so let's cook...a casserole! Everyone loves a casserole. (Practical too because you can freeze it and warm it up) Now I suppose I could be a bit negative and say that instead of people turning to Jesus they messed around with ineffectual things like casseroles and there is some truth in that. But, while we are getting round to coming to our senses and coming to God for help, there's a lot to be said for reaching out to people in a loving practical way. "By their casseroles, ye shall know them" - as the King James Version almost certainly never says.

Sustain

Even to your old age and grey hairs
    I am he, I am he who will sustain you.
I have made you and I will carry you;
    I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
Isaiah 46 4 

My personal belief, for which I have no evidence other than that of my own eyes, is that God seems to like to give himself elbow room to work with people. Although nano second miracles are possible, he seems to lead people slowly and purposefully to the place they need to be. Answers to prayer can seem to be painfully slow and tortuous. Sometimes you look at where you have arrived and although you are not sure how you got there, you see that God has sustained and rescued - in that order.

We may not be able to get what we want immediately, we may need to actually go though that thing we have asked not to go through. But through those times, God has promised to sustain. I think maybe we need to be careful that we take the temporary sustenance that God gives us and not reject it because it isn't the big deal we were looking for. Once, in a period of financial tightness, (dead skint as we say up north) God sent us money to pay for some stuff that we needed. My attitude was one of panic, hold on to the dosh, don't spend it, who knows what is in the future. HOH said - "You are in danger of not using the manna that God has sent for this." He was annoyingly right.

The sustaining and the carrying come first followed by the rescue. Lots of sustaining, lots of rescues. In the small things, in the big things. All our lives. Until we are old and grey.

More Hall

So apparently this is leaking viewers like an old leaky thing in a leaky shop. It is up against Midsomer Murders (and I am a bit partial to that sort of thing myself to be honest) but we are still with it - big time. 

Someone at work said it is too slow but I think that's why I like it, being quite a slow person myself. I like the richness and the three-dimensiony (not a word I know) way that it has, It is quite scary too, knowing as we do that it not exactly a Disney-like. Happy endings are hard to come by here. Henry has turned on Anne Boleyn and it is all very tense. Rylance now looks more and more like the Holbein portrait all the time. I am getting a very tight posterior just sitting here.

A Bit Lost

Sorry all. I am not sure quite what happened with the T'Internet. I thought I had put a blog up and then it wasn't there and then some comments flew the nest as well. I am wrestling manfully with a new laptop and losing most of the time so it's probably my fault. Never mind - all seems to be ok now. 

Anyway, just calling in to let you know I am really enjoying The Silkworm from JK Rowling which has just gone into paperback. (Daughter's gap year job at Waterstones bookshop paying off at last - bought this for me half price)  She is a really talented writer of stories I think. All those years writing Harry Potter and it was almost as if it wasn't that difficult because it was a children's story (this is quite obviously rubbish) and here she is proving that she is dead clever by creating a really good detective series for adults as well. Genius. (I never liked her) 

There is nothing on at the pictures except for half term kids films and Fifty Shades of Grey and though I bow to no one in my admiration for Paddington I have seen it already. The less said about 50 Shades the better. Leaving behind all the very deep debates about submissive relationships , it just seems me like whoever is marketing this is having the time of their lives just counting the money. 

We are still talking at Towards Belief every Monday night in Costa Coffee. The idea is to talk about things that have stopped people believing such as religious violence, miracles, abuse in the church etc. Really big deals and it is all very interesting. The more we talk though, the more I get to believe that what is needed most is a work of the Spirit. We can talk till we are blue in the face but I think that it is God that warms the heart. (This is not an advert for Calvinism - it is just me thinking that without God, talking doesn't cut it) Still, am enjoying the company of the people there and I get a free cup of tea as well so Hurrah for evangelism, that's what I say!

Selma

To the pictures to see Selma. Cannot recommend enough. Really cannot. David Oyelowo is outstanding as Martin Luther King. But then everyone is outstanding - Tom Wilkinson as President Johnson, Tim Roth as George Wallace. (Brits playing the 3 pivotal roles funnily enough) There is a lot of guff talked about "important films" but this is very important. It's not always an easy watch, containing as it does the violent attacks on the marches from Selma to Montgomery to demand the vote, but it is a fantastic film. 

There has been some controversy about the lack of Oscar nominations for this movie. I really cannot understand why the Academy has ignored it. On top of it having an outstanding central performance, in a way it was also one of America's finest hours. I don't mean the violence and intimidation against black people but the fact that, in the end, most Americans were so horrfied by the violence that they saw on screen, that the legislation was passed and all blocks removed to black people voting. They didn't ignore what was happening. 
Of course it was complicated and messy and good things came out of polital expediency almost accidentally and no-one got to wear the knight in shinning amour suit but things did change. The references to Ferguson at the end of the film are a reminder of how far everyone still has to go but this is a great film about a great cause. In my humble opinion, you need to go and see it.  

And in other news..

I sometimes think that this is a bit of a boring blog compared to some others I read. I don't have a theme like money-saving or make up, I'm not a pastor or a pastor's wife or anything so I can't show you that lifestyle and I'm not a particularly deep thinker so I can't really challenge you on where my brain has gone today. This means that, sometimes, I do struggle with what to write, so in the absence of any real news this is what has gone on this week.

Great excitement as we attracted our first sparrow to the bird feeder. Unfortunately there is no photo as, as soon as I saw it, I jumped up and down with excitement and it flew away. Am hoping it has gone to tell its friends. (About the abundance of seed - not the madwoman) For those of you who don't have problems getting lots of birds into your garden. This is Plymouth. Most birds round here are seagulls with huge wingspans and more interested in your fish and chips than a few pathetic seeds. My friend is having more joy with his bird feeder - he is putting meat and potato pie on it though.

Have booked tickets for daughter and myself to go to Cardiff to see Caitlin Moran, one of my daughter's favourite authors. For those of you who don't know her she is very funny and very, very potty mouthed. FOW2 is concerned that I will stand up and shout "That is too far young lady!" while pointing at the stage. I almost certainly won't.

Supporting my theory that I will always look like I have been cleaning out caravans when I run into someone I haven't seen for a while, this morning I popped to the Co-op with my hair sticking up like Billy Whizz in the Beano and I ran into someone I hadn't seen for at least five years! No really, I know I am prone to slight exaggeration but I counted and it is probably more than five years. What is that about? Why do I not "just run into"  anyone when I am fragrant and coiffed? Probably because the proportion of time when I am fragant and coiffed is much lower than the proportion of time when I am er... not.

FOW2 has been offered a place at Exeter University from September. She is doing English with Film Studies (one year in France because she is geniunely very keen on French Film) She was very excited to hear that her brother was going to see Breathless - or À bout de souffle to give it its proper name,  at York University's Film Society. Unfortunately she was a bit disappointed when I received a message from him saying "That French Film - 3 words - Emperor's New Clothes. Just Rubbish. I only went because Jack said that there would be loads of good looking girls there and he was lying" Not everyone will share our passions I suppose.

Tonight's Towards Belief meeting is about "Religious Violence" which sounds nice and cheery. Am looking forward to a lot of talk about the Crusades which I refuse to be held responsible for and Northern Ireland which I also barely understand. I do not expect to be much help tonight.

This was the news from Martha Towers. Thank you for reading.

Courage To Speak

 

This is in my kitchen - ignore it - couldn't think of a suitable photo.

God wants us to grow up, to know the whole truth and tell it in love—like Christ in everything

Ephesians 4

I think I have always sort of avoided speaking the truth in love. Mainly because, in my limited experience growing up as a Christian, it seemed to be a big excuse for some people to be quite horrible to you and then tag on the end "I'm saying this in love" I am also a bit of a coward who is bad at confrontation so that's another reason I avoid it. However, I got myself in a bit of a pickle this week by not pulling someone up on something they should have been doing (or not doing in this case). This had been going on for a quite a while and I had kept quiet about it (partly because it was a troublesome time for the person in question) and then I kind of lost it a bit resulting in me being pulled up for over-reacting. After I had got over my massive sense of the injustice of it all, I thought a bit about speaking truth in love. Not all of this is positive and scattered with Christian Fairy Dust. 

• To speak the truth takes courage. Sometimes we try and avoid doing it because it will often cause confrontation. It will need you to gird your loins or loin your girds (I can never remember which)
• To speak in love does not mean you can say what you want and then tag "I am speaking in love" at the end as if it justifies all the bile you have just dished out. You say what is true as you see it - always thinking of the other person and the effect this is having.
• It is not a bully's charter.
• It is not permission for someone to bully you.
• Sometimes it is essential even though it is unpleasant. It is like spraying spiritual Febreeze into a situation (or opening a window if you live in our house - air freshener makes me cough) It prevents build up of quiet, muttering misunderstandings. It stops silent bad feeling breeding quietly in a dark corner.
• As Ephesians says - you have to be grown up to know the whole truth. Always be awake to the possibility that your perception of the truth may not be the whole story. This is where the telling it in love comes in. Makes it more balanced and puts the tellee first. 
• Sometimes it is a very pleasant thing, it is you telling someone something good about themselves motivated by love for them rather than you getting on their good side.

Am feeling bit better about this now - just putting it into practice is the killer. Another weird Christian cliche - "I love you in the Lord" - what's that about? No  - I'm leaving it.

This Girl Can

This is really good. Don't you think this is really good? I think this is is really good.

Shop

To church on Friday to help with a clothes swap thing. The idea being to raise money to send a team to Nepal so that they can dig a well or buy text books or some other good and life affirming thing that makes me lie on my face in bed and question what I am doing with my life. All went very well I think. Plenty of money raised. Everything was a pound or you could pay more. I ended up paying more for two bags I'm not sure that I like very much. (Although the red one is not as scary as the lighting makes out and the Cath Kidtson still had its label on and is therefore "a bargain") I am now aware that retail is another thing that I cannot do as the following shows.

I am very bad at making small talk with potential customers. I really have no idea if that suits you or not. Look at me - do I show any signs of having any idea of what looks good on a person? 

I have no patience. If I think it unlikely that we have that top in a size 20 - I am unlikely to come with you to have a look. I feel that life is too short.

The clothes are there for people to look at. It is not acceptable for me to want to cry because someone has just shaken that jumper out for the umpteenth time after I have carefully folded it - again.

It is ABSOLUTELY not acceptable to snigger behind the clothes rail with someone because a generous person has brought a basque in. My trouble is I have lived too sheltered a life. I expect someone, somewhere looks really good in it. Hopefully the weather warms up a  bit for you.

Retail is quite tiring I have found. 

Believing

I took part in this on Monday. I don't know if you have heard of it. I haven't found many people that have; although I am not helping with that because I keep calling it "Beyond Belief".  It is a series of discussions after watching a DVD which is supposed to break down barriers to faith. The DVD is full of talking heads, most of whom are what I suppose you would term Christian Intellectuals (whatever one of those is) Then you all have a chat with the people in your group - some of whom are not Christians about what you have just seen. It's sort of like Alpha but without the pasta bake at the beginning. I'm not sure yet if I prefer it to Alpha. It certainly covers meaty topics - suffering, religious violence, is the Bible true? Also the coffee is better than Alpha but I liked Alpha as well so we shall see. 
It always surprises me how open people are who come to these things. I suppose you would have to be fairly interested in faith to turn out on a freezing cold Monday night in January but people seem to ask interested and interesting questions, and seemed to be quite untroubled by the fact that I didn't really feel that I could answer any of them satisfactorily. I did enjoy it though, which surprises me because, as you have probably worked out, I am scared of most people so I wouldn't expect me to enjoy this. Anyway. Wolf Hall awaits.

Wolf

BBC

There are lots of times when being culturally a Brit makes me go a bit humm - The Sun's Page 3 scam (showing a breathtaking contempt for women), Mrs Brown's Boys (He seems really nice, I have tried really hard - it doesn't make me laugh. Don't hate me ) and most of the content on Channel 5. Then something comes along and it makes me want to stand up and sing God Save The Queen. (Which I don't mind - I think it's a tune and I am very keen on our Queenie. Prefer Jerusalem if I am pushed though) This is a long drawn out way of saying that Wolf Hall is mercifully very good. 
I LOVED the books. I was a little bit "really - are you sure?" about a screen adaptation and the TV programme is certainly different from the book - it jumps around the timelines like crazy. I am not sure you get the depths of Cromwell quite the same way here but maybe a book is better for that. I read a post by an author saying more or less how sick she was of the Tudors - Tudor This, Henry VIII that and of course she is completely right. Trouble is, this is just a super-duper watch. It rattles along. 
All the women are too pretty. Anne Boleyn, who I understood got by on her French sophistication is just lovely and the so-called mousy Jane Seymour can stop traffic with her looks but there you are. Henry VIII is  - well you can see how he is but I read this week that he was quite hot as a young man so all well there then. Just loved the clever little two minutes with the Mark Smeaton character who is nothing now but will be so significant later. It is also my first time seeing Mark Rylance. I only know him as an actor who plays long weird roles that seem to make other actors sob that they are not worthy but you see him here and you get an idea what all the fuss is about. Course, later on there will be a lot of shouting and sawing of necks etc but I will deal with that as it comes.

Booky

It is a time for reading and quieting. When I can. Here's what I'm reading

• Finished two out of three of my Christmas books India Knight's "Prime" is for ladies of a certain age i.e. me to tell us that we are not dead yet. I disagree with lots of it, written as it is with London sophistication about affairs and dating and breakups but I like the bits about teeth and clothes. I think it is true that when I was young 50 was old. Lots of ladies had cauliflower hair which had been shampooed and set  and you accepted you were going towards the last lap. I don't think it is like that now. It's a good read though.
• Sali Hughes "Pretty Honest" is a guilty pleasure about make-up and skin care and it is really good. (Well I like it) Although it has changed almost nothing about the way I do my stuff (I would faint having to pay that for a moisturiser) it is physically beautiful and a joy to read and if I am rich one day, I would still not spend that much on a moisturiser and I would still think foundation is an unnecessary faff for most of us but I would probably build a really nice lipstick collection.
• I am still dipping in and out of my Nora Ephron Collection and alternating between joy and despair. What a writer she was. I am out of my depth.
• I went a bit off piste with a Christian book and read "We make the road by walking" by Brian McClaren. I shouldn't really have just read it through. It is supposed to be read throughout the year and you are all supposed to link hands and light a candle at the end of each chapter or something. I hardly ever do that, I just keep reading - no self control. BC is a bit controversial in Christian circles for being, as I understand it, a bit wishy washy about things like Heaven and Atonement and Hell and things. Not that you were able to get much of that from his book. It's not what you would call strident and full of opinion. I read with interest about the Virgin Birth, but the whole chapter was about three degrees above useless if you wanted to know what he really thought. Maybe I'm reading the wrong book by him. I at least liked his willingness to look at the Old Testament and the character of God there, which can be a little alarming sometimes. If I am not sure about his explanation of the Bible unfolding as a more complete view of God culminating in Jesus so that the Old Testament is a splintered fraction of him - then at least he is having a go. Lots of Christian leaders seem to ignore it. 
• I am now reading the most up to date Shardlake. They are really good I think - although they have got really gory now. You still have to find out who did it though. I find myself asking Catherine Parr - being married to Henry VIII - what was in it for her? Not getting your head chopped off I suppose.

Feel free to disagree - but I am right

Little photo of my good self and daughter type person trying and failing to get the flash right with the new phone. I did not want a new phone. My old one died. This new one is slowing me down having to keep double checking everything all the time. Pah!

Anyway - side tracked. Bit controversial. Feel free to look away if you are a maiden aunt type.We went to church business meeting this week. In heaven there will be NO business meetings - of this I am certain. Nice mild mannered, Christian people turn into people trying to recreate the Nuremberg Rally. Anyway digression again. 

As per, there was a discussion that I should probably not talk about and to prove that I DO understand the meaning of the word "confidential" actually, I won't. So we are talking and lady says "She is a home maker - as lots of us are" Hmm. What she means by home maker is a female who doesn't go out to work and stays at home to look after the children and the home. It's probably just me but the use of this word in this way does my head in.

I understand why the term was purloined. Women who stayed at home working pretty damn hard sweetie, felt that their labours were not appreciated and they coined a word to describe what they do. The problem is that my smug detector can sometimes rise a bit - especially when the word is used in Christian circles. It's like home making - if it is to be done properly - has to be done by a particular sex in a particular way. I'm afraid I think not, baby. I was a stay at home mum once - both full time and part time and I am very aware that it is an important job often with very little fanfare but homemakers come in all shapes and sizes.

These days I work full time. I have grown up children but I consider myself and my husband to be partnering in home making - both for ourselves and our kids and other people who happen to be passing.

Surely a single person who works to make a nice hospitable home is as valid a homemaker as someone with a fully paid up membership to Mumsnet? Do all good homes have to be defined by having children in them? 

A young couple who work hard outside the home all week and then open their house to the local youth hoards - another kind of home maker.

A single mum who has to take on childcare so she can go out to work to earn money to keep a roof over her baby's head - homemaker.

A mum and her husband who have swapped the traditional roles while she goes out to work and he looks after babies - for whatever reason - may she's just flippin fantastic at her job - still home makers.

A old man who makes his house a place of safety for a couple of kids for whom the word family means only sadness and violence. Home maker.

And, in the words of the Whispers - "The Beat Goes On" There are infinite examples. Let's not allow ourselves to claim any kind of high ground because we have been blessed with a decent chap, some sprogs and a Dyson that clips to the wall. God's ways are not our ways. He places his Grace in the weirdest of places including you and me. 

Things as they are - not as they seem

Frames and feelings fluctuate
These can ne'er thy saviour be
Learn thyself in Christ to see
Then be feelings what they will
Jesus is thy saviour still

John Wesley

We live in turbulent times. Life is overwhelming  - on an international level, people with guns and such a disregard for any human life (including their own) seem to threaten to overtake life. On a national level political debates often feel as if they are done for their own sake rather than to achieve anything of worth. People lie in hospital corridors awaiting attention from beleaguered staff while politicians spend what seems like hours debating how many people should stand behind a podium. On a personal level, so many times we seem to miss it or fail. This week we went to see Into The Woods (It's fine - about 45 minutes too long) and in the film, the princess runs away from the handsome prince saying "It's not quite what I expected" I can sometimes say that about my own Christian life.

Things will not often be as we want them to be - perhaps sometimes for a fleeting moment they are. Sometimes we can feel so low and the way we feel is such a huge part of us it can threaten to engulf us. But the way we feel is not who we are. There is hope.
There are times, I think, when we need to dig deep and remember. Jesus makes a difference. He made a difference to me. He continues to make a difference to me. I am not what I was. I am in Christ. Yes, even me and that makes a difference.Sometimes we need to grab hold of that really hard and hold on very tight

January Thinking

Even Plymouth is cold. Plymouth is rarely cold but cold it is. We have lit the fire as a Sunday treat - it doesn't take much to keep me happy. I think I am even now struggling to come out the other side of Christmas. I was looking forward to some time off but there is so much to do, it isn't really a holiday and then suddenly you are back at work with all that entails. I am not really moaning. Well, I am, a bit. 
We went to church this morning to hear a new PP (Prospective Pastor) speak. He seemed fine but the other one seemed fine to me, as well as the one that I thought was a PP but tuned out to be just a visiting speaker. I thought he was especially fine. I tend not to have much to do with the pastor anyway these days. I am a bit allergic to church leadership sometimes. Anyway - as I said - he seemed fine to me and more experienced and spiritual people will make the decision. All will be well I expect. We were a bit distracted because HOH (that's Head of House - my other half - I think someone asked last week) has hurt his back so he had to sit like Miss Jean Brodie all the way through the meeting.
On top of everything else going on I also had an unexpected meeting with Aged Parent in Primark. (Sometimes I forget she has moved to Plymouth) I have to admit, she didn't have my full attention so I missed the beginning of the story she was sharing. All I remember is suddenly hearing (in a VERY loud voice) "The thing is, I don't fancy him and he doesn't fancy me - we are just friends" I suddenly became aware of too many people too absorbed in Primark's rather fetching range of lime green sweaters while pretending very hard not to listen to aged parent's pronouncements. Without boring you with too much detail - nothing was quite as it sounded so I didn't have to deal with the reality of parental carryings on and therefore spending the rest of my life putting my fingers in my ears and singing God Save The Queen over and over until it goes away. No wonder I am struggling. 
No doubt, I will have my mojo back very soon. Until then, I am off to watch Foyle's War. Is it just me but it all seems very complicated now. What with MI5 and all that. I miss the war - you knew where you were with a dead body pulled out from under an unexploded bomb.

Be Careful Out There

First of all - an apology. I have not been here so I haven't. I have been lurking and reading everything - even if I've been a bit late to the party. Just a lot going on - nothing too troubling. Back to work and it's busy and life and things. Am working hard to get back on an even keel.

I just wanted to say a little bit about Channel 5 and its "Too Fat To Work" programme. These thoughts are in no particular order and I will not be troubling the Pulitzer Prize with the writing here but stick with it. 
Listen, I don't like a shirker and and everyone who can should be working. I really have little insight into these people - they could be serial killers for all I know. I am also the wife of someone who works on a hospital ward and has had struggles with people with obesity - both with the physical weight and the attitude they sometimes have to their own lives - I'll leave that there.

I have to be a bit careful here because I know the people in the film slightly as they are service users where I work and I also had some dealings with the film crew they worked with. Having said that, all I would like to point out is

1. I know a set up when I see it and some things in this programme were not quite as they seemed.
2. Not everyone in the film was able to understand that there may be an agenda here if you know what I mean. 
3. The whole thing was sad and upsetting and doesn't reflect well on anyone - including Channel 5.

That's all I can say really. I would like to rant for twenty minutes but I just wanted to warn you not to accept everything on face value. 

Just also wanted to mention a friend who, in the middle of a long line of trolling of the couple on Facebook, typed in "God Bless Them. I hope they have a long and happy marriage" I love it when Grace intervenes.

It seems extra sad to me that on a day when people in Paris have paid for their journalistic integrity with their lives - other people who also call themselves journalists - can produce this. I am almost calm now. Thank you.