The Year of..

Brugel - Tower of Babel

...not doing it all. I am all behind, as they say in the best pantos. Most people have made their resolutions by now. Many are still struggling manfully with them. However, lots of people I know have given up already, having been overcome by the multiple temptations of toasted teacakes, roaring fires and spending money at car boots as opposed to eating lettuce, going running and sticking to a budget. I, however, have not got to being New Yearish yet, even though it is nearly the end of January (not near enough to payday though if you ask me) I did get round to thinking about it though. I am a very, very deep thinker and anyone who knows me will vouch for this. As a result, I have decided that I am going to do a lot less this year. HOH may well be raising an eyebrow now and silently hoping that this does not apply to housework as we very much operate on a "sharing" basis in that area. Some would say that it is not always shared equally but I am a great believer in playing to your strengths and, disappointingly, cleaning Venetian blinds is not one of mine.
I thought of calling it the year of petitionery prayer but I know that some people, me included, sometimes have problems with the way this seems to treat God like a slot machine. So I thought hard about what I meant by that and I mean that I would like this to be the year when I try to lean less on myself and more on God.

I just don't ask enough.

This does not mean that this is the year that I get that Ferrari. (Don't really want one to be honest, never understood the attraction of travelling at great speeds with my bottom three inches from the road.)  I am  talking about handing over to God. About realising a lot quicker that I am out of my depth. It is about not trying to do everything myself - wading in and thrashing about, trying to sort stuff. It is about handing stuff over to God, in faith that he can sort things and then choosing not to worry.

Bill Hybels, the author tells of his life revolutionised by changing the way he prayed. He made sure that he found time to pray often enough to give everything to God. He gave things over with faith. He made a notice saying "God is Able" to remind him. The more he asked, the more he received - answers, wisdom, miracles, even.

I have to take responsibility for my life, we all do but this is the best way I know of doing that. I serve a God that knows me better than I know myself. This morning, in church, our pastor said that God's main problem with the Tower of Babel was that God wasn't in it. In the end it was just a tower - what for? I would like my life to be more than that. I have an opportunity, bought by grace, to invite God into every area of my life and see him do fab things. Or I can have a pop at it myself like I usually do and continue to miss out.

Have a great week.

Epiphany

Sooo, this was the week some Christians celebrate Epiphany. I am not very good at Christian celebrations. I was not brought up in the C of E tradition. In fact, these things were frowned upon in our circles as IDOLATRY! there was probably a reason for that but I am not sure I can help you with it. Anyway, as far as I can make out Epiphany is the end of Christmas and

"A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi."

(Looked that up from dictionary for you. That's ok  - you don't have to thank me.)

We didn't make much of the Magi/Wise Men/Astronomers in our church. We didn't sing "We Three Kings" much ("Too much like an autobiography - not enough about Jesus") I used to find this a bit of a disappointment. At school, it was always a chance for a singing solo as three people were always picked to be a king. The pinnacle of achievement was to do the Myrrh verse as that was the most dramatic. In my youth work years there was also a memorable occasion when the young people had been forced encouraged to get together a Christmas choir for the shopping mall. They amused themselves on this hymn by starting the chorus "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH-----STAR OF WONDER..." Sort of in the manner of a drunken rugby party. Many people who were doing their shopping seemed to be genuinely frightened. There were some frankly disappointing  stories of some youth leaders melting into the crowds and pretending there was something pressing that had to be bought from the local ironmongers - never to return.

Anyway, leaving all that behind, when you look at the Wise Men, they were your actual heroes don't you think? They had no Jewish tradition of the Messiah, no church background, no Christian Royal Family to protect them. Yet, armed only with a pressing conviction that something that they had looked for for years was actually happening, they set off to follow a star into a strange land whose leader Herod was beginning to feel like a cornered animal and behave accordingly. Yet off they went. They were determined to worship the new king no matter what. Their journey was not easy. All they had to go on was this star that they were following and a creepy king who had said - "Once you find the child - let me know so I can worship as well." Yeh right. But there was no throwing in the towel, legging it back to the East and calling the whole thing off. They had watched, they had waited. The time to move was now and they were moving matey. They were a determined bunch and when they found Jesus, they were overcome with joy. Do you ever wonder what it was about this child that made them so certain that they were at the right place? I mean, at this point, he didn't exactly fit the Great Messiah profile did he? But they knew.

Someone told me once that in life, all you need to do was to push on doors very lightly and then God would swing them open. If the door does not open, then it is not God's will. I have not always found this to be the case. Not all my doors in life have burst open. Some have needed prayer, some have needed my discipline and hard work. Sometimes I have walked away from doors thinking that things aren't "meant". Yet sometimes, I have had to come back to a door and try again and again, and then have found my way through. Life is difficult, I have found. It was the same for the Magi, dogged, determined and faithful, they kept trying until they found what they were looking for.

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions. But if I did, I think it would be to continue to pursue the things in my life that I am supposed to be pursuing - to press on and be determined to get to where I need to be.

Happy New Year from all at Martha Towers

PS FOW1 if you are reading this at uni, your bedroom was a horrendous mess when you left to go back but your dad did find over £5 in loose change on the floor so we have a had a bottle of wine on you. You really should consider buying a wallet - or a peggy purse.

Cinematic

Electric Cinema

I would like to make a complaint please. The cinema this year has basically been rubbish. It has, really, you know it has. I mean for normal people, it has been less than inspiring. It has been fine if you like films where people get their brains pulled down through their noses with grappling hooks or films where people dress in costumes and brood in the dark a lot. Also ubiquitous were films where people drink loads and burp for twenty minutes. There was also a lot of Michael Fassbender's man parts. (and he did a lot of brooding in the dark and drinking as well  so congratulations Mr Fassbender. Value for your money there, everyone.) But what about normal films? What about Rom-Coms? Who is writing scripts like Nora Ephron? Certainly not the "genius" behind The Hangover 2.  I am a miserable crow but you already knew that. There was a time when the Oscars were due and HOH and my good self would have seen all the main contenders and have strong and loud opinions about who should win. This year it was sort of "meh" which was only confirmed by "The Artist" (a Singing in the Rain rip-off) being treated like it was as original as something from Outer Space. I suppose my film choices are influenced by my faith but it would be a mistake to think that this makes me a big girls blouse when it comes to the movies. I don't like screen violence or cruelty but I do like sharp satire and emotionally intelligent films. I think these were thin on the ground this year but for what it's worth - these are my top six

Young Adult 
Charlize Theron acts mean and nasty. Superb performance. No learning curve at all. Bleak yet funny.

The Descendants

The Cloonster playing fat and against type. Best Dad run ever in a movie. Hawaii is gorgeous of course but not in a picture book way. 

Argo

Ben Affleck - secret agent. Based on a true story. Bottom clenching tension at the attempt to get American Embassy staff out of post revolutionary Iran.

Avengers Assemble

I know it's men in costumes but it's funny and sharp and Hulk is amazing. A family film as well. This is not a bad thing.

Two Days in New York.

A bit like Woody Allen never went woossy. Delpy and Rock are nice and confused and her family are suitably French. 

The Pirates! An Adventure with Scientists!

Just really funny. That is all.

My TV 2012

BBC

This was the year that HOH and I kind of split on our TV preferences. I am not sure if it is my age, the menopause or failing eyesight but I find that am unable to cope with any screen violence these days. I have never been very good at it. I barely made it all the way through Goodfellas without throwing up but I have become even more weak and feeble in this area. This means that it is HOH who is the cool and funky one when it comes to TV. If he were writing this blog he would recommend Homeland 2, The Fear, The Killing 3 and The Bridge. All critically acclaimed, all beloved of Guardian readers and all full of people getting stabbed in the eye.
We did agree on a few things. We both initially liked Borgen - the politics were interesting I thought. I lost it a bit when I found that I was already writing it in my head before I saw it. (Successful happily married lady politician, has to make bad integrity choices, husband feels threatened, plays away from home, children start wetting the bed, etc etc) Will probably come back for Season 2 though.
The Thick Of It finished. You cannot watch this with your maiden aunt but Malcolm Tucker is a genius creation and no modern politician could feel safe in their ridiculous spin while these script writers were around. Malcolm, I will miss you.
2012 was also unmissable. Only slightly undermined by the real Olympics being run very well indeed. Jessica Hynes created a PR monster who managed that rarest of things - giving us sentences that are still being used in day to day conversation. "like, totally, so here’s the thing" No? Just us then.
Parade's End was lovely to look at and to listen to. It wasn't the easiest follow but I loved the density of it. I loved not being treated like an idiot for once. Cumberbatch was ace but Rebecca Hall was outstanding. Also loved The Hollow Crown. Lots of Shakespearey stuff surrounding it was great as well. You really could just sit and watch it, as a rattling good set of stories, a drama and it was gripping. Ben Whishaw, playing Richard the Second as Michael Jackson was excellent but I don't think there was a duff performance in any of it.
I enjoyed The Hour 2 more than the first one because I got the hang of it a bit more. I prefer it to Mad Men because at least SOMETHING HAPPENS now and again.
Kind of lost Doctor Who but came back for the demise of Rory and Amy which was done really well and made me sniffle. Sherlock. I know. I know. But it is extraordinary. The writing, the design, the music. It makes you go No! Really? and makes me want to sit and hug myself at the sheer inventiveness of it all.
My main TV highlight though was a one off. The Olympic Opening Ceremony was truly a thing of awe. From the sloe eyed Cumberbach looking at camera and growling - "Let the Games Begin" through to the panning back to reveal the amazing fireworks. The whole thing was amazeballs. Even nasty pieces of work like me did smug little jigs in the living room singing the highly catchy "We have the NHS. Thank you Lord for living in a place where health care is free at the point of delivery." and " My country is ace. We are a bit frayed round the edges but we are blessed."
I expect I have missed a lot out. As you can see, I don't follow any soaps so apologies if I have missed something important there. (Have just realised - didn't include Bake Off or Strictly - sorry - loved them both) Am off now - next - my year in film. (Sound like Barry Norman)

Back

And she's back in the game. What was that? Oh yes. Christmas. All went very well thank you. These are the various bits and pieces for you.

Family loved Muppet Christmas Carol. FOW1 was a little concerned when the people giving out the tickets at the Art House were doing it with the help of glove puppets. There were are lot of kids in but also 6 ladies who had come straight from the bar and enjoyed it enormously, if the swaying from side to side was any indication. Took Mother and Liam to Plymouth Gin Distillery, so Liam sorted lots of presents out - bottles of gin and the like. I stood around with an expectant face and got nowhere.

Sunday night was the Candlelight Carol Service. FOW played in the band and they funkeyed it up a bit. Could actually have done without whatever it was that was set to the tune of Ould Lang Syne but you know how I am. Some controversy when FOW's friend tried to get his attention after the meeting by lobbing a paper cup from the balcony and it missed my mother by a fraction of a millipede. Decided to go with good will to all men vibe. Especially as she didn't notice and it was quite funny.

Sorted beginning of Christmas Dinner myself on a wing and a prayer - no one rolled on floor clutching belly so ok. I put my foot down when Mother tried to start Christmas Dinner with speech about how our numbers for the meal are dwindling as people are dying. Smallest Jack Russell has taken against her for no reason as far as we can see and retired to our room for the week. Found kids working up said dog up by whispering "Where's Nasty Beryl?" and making grrrr noises.

Loved the Queen's Christmas Speech. She talked about Christ and Christmas and Jesus being the Son of God sent to save the world and other not "right on" things. Awesome Queenie! Think she would be a good bishop. Oh wait, they don't do lady bishops do they?

I forgot to put ham in oven on Boxing Day so resorted to turkey, leeks, mushrooms and leftover veg stir fry thingy. Went down better than Christmas Day lunch.

Dragged under protest to sales. Got some stuff for work but the older I get the harder I find shopping for me and my saggy body. Settled for series Two and Three of The Mentalist instead.

I appear to have eaten my own body weight in peanuts.

Watched Doctor Who and it was brilliant. Thought Royle Family was very disappointing.

Read "The Hour Before Dawn" in two sittings.

Settled down with FOW2 to watch DVD of last Harry Potter for umpteenth time. Love it, and level of absorption in the film may have had something to do with peanut eating incident.

Mum has gone home today. Booked ticket on train First Class. Thank goodness. Floods, fire and pestilence on the railways led to general chaos and changing at New Street Birmingham. Booked assistance for her to help her at change as New Street is a complicated station if you aren't familiar with it. Nice lady with wheelchair turned up. Mum doesn't need wheelchair but it was handy to carry suitcase and her "small" shopper. First Class at least guaranteed her a seat. Everyone else on the train seemed to be recreating the scenes at the end of Titanic.

Anyway back to work for a few hours tomorrow. I live to serve and all that. Have enjoyed writing again so will probably be back tomorrow for round up of cultural highlights of 2012.

No Words

BBC News

There are times when it is right to speak and to debate. There are times when it is right to have balance in our thoughts and to think on all the good that there is in this world, despite everything.  However, there are times when an event, when the evil that men do, is of such magnitude that it is almost if our brains cannot compute what has just happened.
As I sit in my cosy living room with my family, with our Christmas decorations, I am shaken to my very core by the events at Sandy Hook. That a teacher should have to tell children to "close their eyes" for fear of what their little faces would alight upon as she led them to safety, is almost too difficult to bear.
There are no words of comfort and, as I pray for those affected (what an inadequate word that is - "affected") all I can do is commit the whole thing  to the God who digs down into the depths of our souls and ask that, somehow, he finds a way to touch and to minister. I can think of nothing else to do.

Confidence

Apparently, this is the last month that we are to be graced with the presence of the big wheel on the Hoe. Depending on which of our esteemed news outlets you believe, the company that owns it has either gone bankrupt or fled the country or both. I shall miss it if it goes. I have never actually been on it - do you think I'm crazy? I just like it as part of the landscape. I think it looks great. That is part of it's problem I suppose, if everyone else is like me and just admires it from afar, then its downfall  is inevitable.

I am not what you would call a natural limelight seeker. A part of me has always longed to enter a room like Streisand in Funny Girl. Arms out wide "Get ready for me world ,cos I'm a comin'" but it is never going to happen. And, whenever I see someone do that, another part of me is also slightly horrified. It would, I feel make life much easier sometimes. I wonder if some people are just born confident. This week we went to see our daughter pick up her GCSE certificates at a ceremony at her school. Each pupil had to wait in the stage wings until their name was called. Then they would walk across the stage with a camera trained on them. Some kids strode onto the stage just a nano away from singing - "Another Opening - Another show!" Some were so shy that they managed to get on and off without actually speaking to or making eye contact with the nice man who came 14th in "The Voice" who gave the prizes out.

Can I digress here? Can you stop me? No. So, call me old fashioned but if the idea was to inspire the young people to work hard, continue their education, formulate a career plan and generally get their lives onto a mature footing, then why choose  someone who quote - "Just went for it, man. I emptied my bank account, bought an old car and just hit the road y'know?" And, while we are at it, I think maybe his choice of song for us, "Ohhhh, this SEX IS ON FIRE",  may have been a little ill advised, that's if the Chair of Governors' face was anything to go by.
It is hard, for me anyway, to get involved, to grab hold of confidence, and to just do it. But if I don't join in, get involved and generally contribute to the society, church, community I live in, then that community may suffer because, the fields are, as has been said by a very wise Son of God, white and ready for harvest. It becomes more and more obvious to me that if I don't pull my weight and jump in, then things will not be happening that should be happening. My lack of confidence remains one of my biggest challenges.

HOH was in the basement and came across some old books of mine. In 2003 I had a book published. "What Do You Want Woman?" It was a short, evangelistic book, written in my style. I was fortunate enough to sell about 2000 copies, partly because some churches gave them out at women's meetings and some used them in Ladies Groups as light-hearted look at Christianity. I am banging a few copies on Ebay for 99p and 70p for postage. This is because I think P and P and the listing fee will be about £1.70 ish.  They are a bit dated so I wouldn't charge full price. If you are interested in a copy, this is the link. If you are interested and you live somewhere that is no longer a part of the colonies, then please get in touch and I will work out postage. Don't feel pressured or anything. Just would appreciate any opinions. Carry on, as you were then.

Asking

Matthew 7 v 7
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide and seek game we're in."

So when I pray for something (If I actually get round to actually praying rather than talking about it, resolving to do it, thinking how good it would be to do it etc etc)  I usually start off trying to talk God into being on my side  by explaining why I need what I need and why despite my obvious faults  it would be better for everyone concerned if God actually came through for me. Blah blah.

I really love this translation of Matthew 7. First of all it makes it clear that the Christian life is for grown ups. This is not a game. We are meant to be straight with God as he is with us. What do I need? What keeps me awake with worry? Whose story have I heard that I have no power to change myself? Who do I love so much that I want to commit them to God's care? How do I deal with that impossible situation? Apparently it is simple -  I need to ask God.

So then what happens?

If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for a fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

I don't want to go all mega church about this but - do I dare do this? Do I dare live this? I think this is flippin MASSIVE. If I could live like this all the time, where as I asked God for my needs, he then responds as he promises to - as someone who has my best interests at heart - and someone who is able.

This has really challenged me this week and also made me feel a lot jollier. Do you ever think that when we finally meet God, he will say "It was all meant to be so much easier for you. I told you what to do, I told you how loved you were and you would never listen." I'm thinking it may just be me and you have this sorted. It wouldn't be the first time that I was just one step behind. Never mind eh?

A New Experience

Life at Hargreaves Towers is very much in "calm before the storm" mode. Except is it very stormy here at the moment as it is in most of the South and West of Britain. I seem to vaguely remember being talked into moving here because this was the Riviera of England. We expected to spend our evenings sitting in the back yard sipping cocktails batting away mosquitoes. I was not ready for putting towels up against the doors to stop the rain getting in or tying down the garden furniture to avoid chasing it down the road before it damages life and limb as the wind whips it through the back alleys of Plymouth. I want my money back. When does it get all balmy round here?
Anyway, as I was saying, all is calm here as the preparations for December and indeed within that month, Christmas, are about to begin. Before that, we have a parents evening to negotiate. I like to go and harangue teachers as early as possible in the evening because, in my experience, they tend to get a bit grumpy once it gets past 5pm. That's a bit rich because, usually the reason it is running late is because they have spent more than their allotted 17 seconds per pupil talking to some idiot parent about a mutual shared history at Heart of England University where there were both heavily involved in the Deep Purple Appreciation Society. Do not do this now! Go to the pub afterwards! After we have spoken to you, we have approximately 14.8 seconds to negotiate three flights of stairs to get to the Drama Dept., only to find that he is running an hour behind because he has been showing some poor sap his Malvolio, which he created for the Leamington Spa Dramatic Players in 1994. We then usually retire to McDonalds which is a traditional treat for FOW2 if she gets a good report. Remind me again? Who is it who benefits from our offspring getting good results? Me or HOH? I think not. So why do we have to pay for tea?
I have done a few shopping lists. Money is being transferred from savings accounts ready to be spent. Amazon baskets are being filled. HOH and I have agreed on a few dates. One is when the Christmas Tree will go up. I would like it to be up when FOW1 returns from uni so it will be a bit like "Driving Home for Christmas" but good. HOH, who feels that Christmas decorations make the place untidy, likes to leave it longer. Much, much longer. One year, we were stopped in the street and asked if we had become Jehovah's Witnesses as it didn't seem like we were bothering with Christmas this year. So we have compromised and we are doing it on the day I want it done.
This morning we went to a Church of England service. (Long story) It was my first Anglican service that wasn't a wedding/funeral/Nativity/Seminar on "Sharing" and it was really good. Really normal. I wasn't really sure what to expect. Possibly a lot of Call and Response and altar kneeling. But it was fine. We were a bit terrified by "Sharing the Peace" but this just seems to mean getting up and after saying "Peace be with you."  to as many people as possible, chatting merrily about garden furniture being blown over your wall and damaging your pergola. In the Baptist church, we have a thing where we "Say the Grace to one another" This involves saying Grace while looking round at people and saying the Grace to them. I can't say I am that comfortable with it but, over time I have perfected my own technique of saying the Grace while moving my head from side to side in an encouraging way without actually making eye contact with anyone. This only fell apart a little when I told a friend about it and he now leans out from wherever he is sitting in church and stares at me until he gets my attention. He thinks this is funny.
So C of E was good, really good. I have a strong non-conformist background which, in my younger days, could lead to some quite intolerant behaviour. I am not proud of it. As I have got older, I am less sure of many of my old certainties. I am certain about this though. God was there this morning. We felt him in the quiet, "getting on with it attitude" of his people and their friendliness to us. Was a bit disappointed we didn't sing "O Jesus I have promised." but you can't have everything.

Mid November Musings

Do you know that I am struggling to think of one constructive thing to write? It's all very "mid-November" here. All are well and truly back in the education/work grove. Christmas is looming despite my best efforts to ignore it, so maybe I should just riff a bit (as the young people almost never say) and see what happens.
Fruit of Womb One seems to be doing much better at York University (Thanks for asking). Archaeology seems to be a much better fit than politics. He says there are less people on this course who think that they will rule the world. I have chosen not to point out that some of these politics students may indeed go on to rule the world. It is a worry to me, therefore, that many of these people have not worked out that you can't put your black grundys in the wash with your white tee shirts.No wonder the world is in a mess.
FOW1 seems to be very engaged in Archaeology and we did conduct a very interesting if one sided phone conversation about the neolithic age. I could not contribute much to be honest but it was good to hear him so enthusiastic and it did give me a chance to file my nails while he was sharing. Apparently there is a Christian girl who is refusing to attend lectures about pre-history because she doesn't believe in pre-history. My (rather uncharitable) feeling is that she maybe should have thought of this before as to me it seems rather obvious that archaeologists will be going a long way back. I think I may be showing my ignorance here.
He has not left politics behind completely and was part of a rather sad group who stayed up late (or early - whatever till 4am is) to watch the US election results. As you may know, my opinion on that was coloured by Mr Romney's opinion on our ability to put on the Olympic Games. Did I mention how fabulous they were Mr Romney?
FOW2 is up to her neck in AS levels. For her, education is still just an excuse to read books - all the time. She is doing Media studies and they are looking at horror movies. One young man keeps walking out of the lesson because he is - not to put to fine a point on it - scared. I know that is the general idea but I don't suppose it is helping his grade much. I have a lot of sympathy for him. I hate horror movies. Not sure if I have seen one all the way through to be fair but you know when you just know when something isn't your thing?
Otherwise, this week, I have done very little except go to see the Bond movie. This is my first Bond since Moonraker, when it all got too silly to contemplate anymore. I was surprised how good Skyfall was. Like a proper film. (Worry not - no spoilers) It was about thirty minutes too long but still very good. A few points of order...

• Do we think Daniel Craig is good looking? Sometimes he looks fantastic. Sometimes he looks like a jug eared twelve year old - no?
• Is it wrong to like the baddie as much as Bond?
• When a man joins a woman - uninvited - in the shower, would she not look a bit surprised - or even try to fend him off with a loofah? 
• If Q turns out not to be a real person and not be Ben Wishaw I will be very disappointed. 

Anyway, also came across one of my favourite CS Lewis sayings

"God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even your present failures. Each time you fall, he will pick you up again And he knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection." 

Bit like this blog..

As the madness begins

Just something to think about

Many thanks to Angela at Tracing Rainbows for drawing attention to this