So what did we think would happen?

Daily Telegraph

I am going to get a bit Tony Benn and a bit political in this blog, so if you don't fancy it, feel free to leave. I have been reading about the Stafford hospital scandal this week. You have probably been as shocked as anyone else by the horrific stories about desperately thirsty people drinking from vases and people lying for days on sheets stained with their own poop. Awful, just awful. My own experience of care within the NHS has, like most people's I suspect, been very different. When I have been in hospital, I have been cared for well by lovely people and so this is an alien land to me.
I have to declare an interest here and tell you that Head of House is a Health Care Assistant working in a local hospital. He would tell you that, as in any profession, there are excellent people and also bad apples. No one is saying that ever nurse or carer is a saint but, I am certain that the huge majority of people that work in these professions are (very) hardworking, patient, souls who come home from work and sink into chairs, exhausted. (Puts hand up in air to confirm that you can indeed, as they say, get a witness) Before I continue my rant, I should confirm that the opinions that follow are my own and not HOH's. He is the kind of nice person that old ladies stop in the street and then lecture me on what a good nurse he is. (Blah Blah. He may be a good nurse, but he is rubbish patient. We are currently dealing with a bout of man flu and not,as he suspects, the first new case of Black Death in England since the 1660s) I digress.
People are bemoaning the lack of a caring culture in the nursing profession. Nurses only want to play on computers now and not hold hands and hold sick bowls. And carers are either scoundrels or people who don't give a monkey's about the people they are supposed to be looking after. Well, that may or may not be true. If there is any truth in it, then surely we had it coming. We have, as a country, debased caring as a profession. We pay the absolute minimum we can get away with to carers (and if we can get their kids to do it for nothing, then that's even better) If you do the jobs that no one else wants to do, if you clean up sick, wipe bottoms, hold an old lady's hand while she tells you about the war, put an old man back into bed for the umpteenth time that night because he has dementia and thinks the Russians are coming up the stairs, these are, to my mind, skilled jobs that take special kinds of people to do them. Do we treat these people like they are skilled? What do you think? Do we train them properly and make sure that ratios in hospitals and care homes and on home visits are set so that people are looked after properly? Well, do you think 15 minutes is long enough for a care visit to someone in their own home? 15 minutes to get them out of bed, wash them and set them ready for the day. Some days, I can't even unfasten my coat in 15 minutes. It's all about cutting costs and saving money. Meeting targets so that you see enough people in a day and if carers are run ragged, well there are plenty more where they came from. And if we undervalue these people long enough, both by the demands we place on them and the wages we pay them, then should we be surprised if some of them lose their way and behave badly? It may not be an excuse but it may be an explanation.
So now we have a situation where care givers are beginning to be demonised. Not just those who have behaved badly but the whole profession. Some people come into wards looking for mistakes or with a "you are just the person who cleans up the sick" attitude. And, in my more paranoid moments, I can't help but wonder if there is some method in this madness. Am I wrong to wonder if privatising choice bits of a demoralised, badly functioning National Health Service nice and cheaply is easier to sell to the British public than it would if all were going well? Maybe, I watch too many movies.

Change

Hello

I have been meaning to change the appearance of the blog for a while now and have only just got round to it what with one thing and another. I changed it for a couple of reasons. One is that I really wanted the writing to be on white background (have had a couple of requests) Also I have lost the sidebar with the Reading/Watched posts. This is mainly because I often want to say more than the couple of lines I have there lets me so, I will pull this feature into the main body of the blog. Anyway, we will see how it goes.
It has all been a bit weird here because HOH is on nights and that seems to mean that everyone is a bit out of sync. It is really odd to wave him off at 8.30 pm when everyone is just settling down for the evening. Still nearly done now. I always think that when HOH is on nights, I will get loads done because it's just me (FOW 2 retires to bedroom to watch obscure films, then Facebook message everybody in the world seemingly and pretend to do homework.) but tonight  have been faffing with this blog half the night.
Had a day's leave today and was a bit disappointed that new Archbishop of Canterbury's thingy service  - where he gets sworn in I think - was not on TV live. You would think that it would be wouldn't you. I'm not C of E myself as you know but he seems a decent sort of bloke and needs a lot of praying for. I mean you wouldn't be him for all the tea in China would you? He hardly made the news tonight as well because of some politician with the moral fibre of a mollusk who seems to have bullied his wife into lying for him about his driving habits. So what was it that made him think that the rules didn't apply to him? Does my head in.
Still, I did a bit more writing which is scientifically a good thing.
Was very taken by something I came across in a re-read of M Scott Peck's The Road Less Traveled  This is one of the few self help books I have read that doesn't leaving me wanting to trap my head in a door. Anyway, he was talking about time management. He said that people with decent levels of self esteem are better at using their time profitably because they feel that they are valuable, therefore their time is valuable and they use it accordingly. Using that yardstick, Christians should be acey-pacey time managers. We believe in a God who proved how valuable he thought we were. These are "interesting" times. Do we act as if our time is a valuable gift? It's just meant to make you think that's all - not feel guilty. Trust me, people in glass houses etc.

We went to see Lincoln this week.I know there is a lot of talk about Daniel Day Lewis' performance and quite right too. (Although, as Sasha Baron Cohen said at the Golden Globes "Big Deal. Anyone can grow a beard.") However, I thought it was one of the best films I had seen in ages. Sort of like West Wing in frock coats. What a man. What a mission. Ex-flippin-trordinary.
Do not think that I will be bothering with Denzel Washington in Flight. I am a nervous flyer at the best of times. If, I were on a plane that Denzel was trying to save by TURNING IT UPSIDE DOWN I would be shouting "Don't bother for me Denzel because I will have died  long before you turned the plane over. You will find me hanging from my seat-belt - dead and  covered in poo. (Sorry - unacceptable) Am trying to be more ladylike of speech really I am. I am failing miserably. On Sunday, found myself saying to Pastor after the meeting the he was quote "Really nailing it at the moment." It was meant to be a compliment about his preaching. (We are doing Genesis. It is like it has got my name on it.) HOH stepped in and explained this to slightly scared looking minister and he seemed to be ok. Still am working on lady-likeness. Feel it's probably best.

Ratty

Despite all evidence to the contrary  I am not a fool. Not a complete fool anyway. There are things in life that are so obvious that I don't need to be told about them. I have lived a long time. Just over half a century now -  think of that. Not all the time in that half century was spent in the gathering of wisdom (unless you count learning to walk and also to poo in a socially acceptable place). However for a goodly proportion of my half century I have been, as they say, living and learning.
So why do I know NOTHING? Why do the same things come and bite my bum on a regular basis and I either, do nothing to change them or learn some degree of serenity about the things I cannot change. Life is a balance, I know this but I spend an awful lot of time being the plonker bouncing up and down in the net under the tightrope because I have messed up the balance again.

• I feel at my best when I have been productive and yet I am developing procrastination as an Olympic sport.
• Developing a high level of expertise at Solitaire does not count as productivity.
• I know that rest is a necessary part of life and yet I struggle to do it without guilt.
• Most people probably don't hate me yet I will still apologise for my existence, given half a chance.
• People don't behave well all the time and sometimes I really do just have to tackle it and stop it.
• Not everything is my fault.
• Like most people, I have been through quite a lot in my life. When suffering things in the past, I swore that I would never as our American friends say "sweat the small stuff" again. 
• I sweat the small stuff about twenty times an hour.
• Life makes me fearful sometimes.

Ahem. You may have noticed that I have not had the best of weeks.
So I find myself on a Sunday, looking at another week and wondering how to make a difference. And something keeps coming back into my head that has been floating in and out of my thoughts all week. It's a phrase. Out of context as usual but that, as you are well aware by now, is how I er.. roll.

"This same Jesus."

That's all. Part of a sentence that the angel used to tell the disciples that Jesus would be coming back. It's in Acts 1 if you want to find it. (Like I said - ratty today)

This same Jesus who cured sicknesses and raised people from the dead is in the heavenlies for me. There is no such thing as hopeless.
This same Jesus who walked with wisdom and kindness will expect me to do the same and will also give me what I need to do it.
This same Jesus is not diluted by the passage of time and I need to live so that I ask, receive, learn, rest, grow, give and generally exist under the same Jesus influence as the disciples did.

I think know that my task (should I choose to accept it) is to spend the days plugging in (that is such an awful phrase but you know what I mean) to This same Jesus. Getting hold of the man in the Bible: the things he said, the things he did, the love he lived and making it more and more a part of who I am. That way more peace and less rattiness lies.

Er.. Should have that sorted by about Tuesday of next week then.

Apologies

Quite annoyed this week. I rooted around the Internet and found the interview that Lance Armstrong did with Oprah. I didn't stay up until 2am or anything - are you mad? It was everywhere though and therefore, quite easy to have a look at. First of all I have to say that I think Oprah did a sterling job. If Armstrong thought he was going to come into this and have Oprah stroke his thigh and talk about his "feelings" he seemed to have miscalculated. She demanded "yes-no" answers to her first set of questions most of which followed on from "Did you dope?" including "Did you dope for all of your Tour victories?" The answer was yes. I have to tell you that I have some sympathy for Armstrong. Obsessed by winning, he seemed to mentally move into a mythical world, where cheating was the norm and once you start you are in it for good. Of course, this is easy for me to say as I am not a cyclist trying to earn a living. (I say again - are you mad? Center Parcs nearly finished me.) Riding clean behind Armstrong and his team who were riding with the blood not only coursing round their veins but also coursing out of their bodies to have extra oxygen put in, must have been the definition of the word frustration.
I know it must seem a bit of a stretch to say there but for the Grace of God go any of us. What are the chances of someone like me leading a corrupt cycling team which ran doping stations in hotels all over the world? Slim I know, but the principle is the same. Life gives us a million chances a day to make the wrong decisions and if the people around us don't challenge us and we seem to be getting away with it, sometimes we just carry on, eventually almost believing that it is ok.
I don't think it's that fact that he did it that wound me up. It's more the way he behaved when it seemed that the fat lady was tuning up and the end was in sight. People began to testify against him and he responded with the most dreadful bullying and intimidation. Really nasty stuff. He called his masseuse a whore in front of the world's press and got under the skin of another journalist by making disparaging remarks about his relationship with his dead son. Finally, he informed Oprah that he hadn't been a bully before he had cancer, and in one master stroke offended all those who have cancer or care for those with cancer who have managed live with this awful disease thus far without turning into complete rat bags.
He behaved like a cornered animal, slashing out at anything that he felt threatened him and in a way I suppose that is understandable. However, I think that eventually, whatever we have done, the easiest thing to do, is to give in and say sorry. There is a grace and a relief in giving in and admitting that we were wrong, that we made a mistake. People who admit that they were wrong seem to have a dignity about them. Maybe it's because they are wiser than us and have been brave enough to look at themselves harder than we can. People say that Lance Armstrong is looking for redemption - a chance to start again. The trouble is, that it is impossible to start again until we finish our unfinished business. Redemption can only happen after repentance  - waking up and saying sorry and only then letting it go. It is, as they say, that old time religion.

"If we claim that we're free of sin, we're only fooling ourselves A claim that is errant nonsense. On the other hand, if we admit our sins - make a clean breast of them - he won't let us down, he'll be true to himself. 
1 John 1:9

The Year of..

Brugel - Tower of Babel

...not doing it all. I am all behind, as they say in the best pantos. Most people have made their resolutions by now. Many are still struggling manfully with them. However, lots of people I know have given up already, having been overcome by the multiple temptations of toasted teacakes, roaring fires and spending money at car boots as opposed to eating lettuce, going running and sticking to a budget. I, however, have not got to being New Yearish yet, even though it is nearly the end of January (not near enough to payday though if you ask me) I did get round to thinking about it though. I am a very, very deep thinker and anyone who knows me will vouch for this. As a result, I have decided that I am going to do a lot less this year. HOH may well be raising an eyebrow now and silently hoping that this does not apply to housework as we very much operate on a "sharing" basis in that area. Some would say that it is not always shared equally but I am a great believer in playing to your strengths and, disappointingly, cleaning Venetian blinds is not one of mine.
I thought of calling it the year of petitionery prayer but I know that some people, me included, sometimes have problems with the way this seems to treat God like a slot machine. So I thought hard about what I meant by that and I mean that I would like this to be the year when I try to lean less on myself and more on God.

I just don't ask enough.

This does not mean that this is the year that I get that Ferrari. (Don't really want one to be honest, never understood the attraction of travelling at great speeds with my bottom three inches from the road.)  I am  talking about handing over to God. About realising a lot quicker that I am out of my depth. It is about not trying to do everything myself - wading in and thrashing about, trying to sort stuff. It is about handing stuff over to God, in faith that he can sort things and then choosing not to worry.

Bill Hybels, the author tells of his life revolutionised by changing the way he prayed. He made sure that he found time to pray often enough to give everything to God. He gave things over with faith. He made a notice saying "God is Able" to remind him. The more he asked, the more he received - answers, wisdom, miracles, even.

I have to take responsibility for my life, we all do but this is the best way I know of doing that. I serve a God that knows me better than I know myself. This morning, in church, our pastor said that God's main problem with the Tower of Babel was that God wasn't in it. In the end it was just a tower - what for? I would like my life to be more than that. I have an opportunity, bought by grace, to invite God into every area of my life and see him do fab things. Or I can have a pop at it myself like I usually do and continue to miss out.

Have a great week.

Epiphany

Sooo, this was the week some Christians celebrate Epiphany. I am not very good at Christian celebrations. I was not brought up in the C of E tradition. In fact, these things were frowned upon in our circles as IDOLATRY! there was probably a reason for that but I am not sure I can help you with it. Anyway, as far as I can make out Epiphany is the end of Christmas and

"A Christian feast celebrating the manifestation of the divine nature of Jesus to the Gentiles as represented by the Magi."

(Looked that up from dictionary for you. That's ok  - you don't have to thank me.)

We didn't make much of the Magi/Wise Men/Astronomers in our church. We didn't sing "We Three Kings" much ("Too much like an autobiography - not enough about Jesus") I used to find this a bit of a disappointment. At school, it was always a chance for a singing solo as three people were always picked to be a king. The pinnacle of achievement was to do the Myrrh verse as that was the most dramatic. In my youth work years there was also a memorable occasion when the young people had been forced encouraged to get together a Christmas choir for the shopping mall. They amused themselves on this hymn by starting the chorus "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH-----STAR OF WONDER..." Sort of in the manner of a drunken rugby party. Many people who were doing their shopping seemed to be genuinely frightened. There were some frankly disappointing  stories of some youth leaders melting into the crowds and pretending there was something pressing that had to be bought from the local ironmongers - never to return.

Anyway, leaving all that behind, when you look at the Wise Men, they were your actual heroes don't you think? They had no Jewish tradition of the Messiah, no church background, no Christian Royal Family to protect them. Yet, armed only with a pressing conviction that something that they had looked for for years was actually happening, they set off to follow a star into a strange land whose leader Herod was beginning to feel like a cornered animal and behave accordingly. Yet off they went. They were determined to worship the new king no matter what. Their journey was not easy. All they had to go on was this star that they were following and a creepy king who had said - "Once you find the child - let me know so I can worship as well." Yeh right. But there was no throwing in the towel, legging it back to the East and calling the whole thing off. They had watched, they had waited. The time to move was now and they were moving matey. They were a determined bunch and when they found Jesus, they were overcome with joy. Do you ever wonder what it was about this child that made them so certain that they were at the right place? I mean, at this point, he didn't exactly fit the Great Messiah profile did he? But they knew.

Someone told me once that in life, all you need to do was to push on doors very lightly and then God would swing them open. If the door does not open, then it is not God's will. I have not always found this to be the case. Not all my doors in life have burst open. Some have needed prayer, some have needed my discipline and hard work. Sometimes I have walked away from doors thinking that things aren't "meant". Yet sometimes, I have had to come back to a door and try again and again, and then have found my way through. Life is difficult, I have found. It was the same for the Magi, dogged, determined and faithful, they kept trying until they found what they were looking for.

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions. But if I did, I think it would be to continue to pursue the things in my life that I am supposed to be pursuing - to press on and be determined to get to where I need to be.

Happy New Year from all at Martha Towers

PS FOW1 if you are reading this at uni, your bedroom was a horrendous mess when you left to go back but your dad did find over £5 in loose change on the floor so we have a had a bottle of wine on you. You really should consider buying a wallet - or a peggy purse.

Cinematic

Electric Cinema

I would like to make a complaint please. The cinema this year has basically been rubbish. It has, really, you know it has. I mean for normal people, it has been less than inspiring. It has been fine if you like films where people get their brains pulled down through their noses with grappling hooks or films where people dress in costumes and brood in the dark a lot. Also ubiquitous were films where people drink loads and burp for twenty minutes. There was also a lot of Michael Fassbender's man parts. (and he did a lot of brooding in the dark and drinking as well  so congratulations Mr Fassbender. Value for your money there, everyone.) But what about normal films? What about Rom-Coms? Who is writing scripts like Nora Ephron? Certainly not the "genius" behind The Hangover 2.  I am a miserable crow but you already knew that. There was a time when the Oscars were due and HOH and my good self would have seen all the main contenders and have strong and loud opinions about who should win. This year it was sort of "meh" which was only confirmed by "The Artist" (a Singing in the Rain rip-off) being treated like it was as original as something from Outer Space. I suppose my film choices are influenced by my faith but it would be a mistake to think that this makes me a big girls blouse when it comes to the movies. I don't like screen violence or cruelty but I do like sharp satire and emotionally intelligent films. I think these were thin on the ground this year but for what it's worth - these are my top six

Young Adult 
Charlize Theron acts mean and nasty. Superb performance. No learning curve at all. Bleak yet funny.

The Descendants

The Cloonster playing fat and against type. Best Dad run ever in a movie. Hawaii is gorgeous of course but not in a picture book way. 

Argo

Ben Affleck - secret agent. Based on a true story. Bottom clenching tension at the attempt to get American Embassy staff out of post revolutionary Iran.

Avengers Assemble

I know it's men in costumes but it's funny and sharp and Hulk is amazing. A family film as well. This is not a bad thing.

Two Days in New York.

A bit like Woody Allen never went woossy. Delpy and Rock are nice and confused and her family are suitably French. 

The Pirates! An Adventure with Scientists!

Just really funny. That is all.

My TV 2012

BBC

This was the year that HOH and I kind of split on our TV preferences. I am not sure if it is my age, the menopause or failing eyesight but I find that am unable to cope with any screen violence these days. I have never been very good at it. I barely made it all the way through Goodfellas without throwing up but I have become even more weak and feeble in this area. This means that it is HOH who is the cool and funky one when it comes to TV. If he were writing this blog he would recommend Homeland 2, The Fear, The Killing 3 and The Bridge. All critically acclaimed, all beloved of Guardian readers and all full of people getting stabbed in the eye.
We did agree on a few things. We both initially liked Borgen - the politics were interesting I thought. I lost it a bit when I found that I was already writing it in my head before I saw it. (Successful happily married lady politician, has to make bad integrity choices, husband feels threatened, plays away from home, children start wetting the bed, etc etc) Will probably come back for Season 2 though.
The Thick Of It finished. You cannot watch this with your maiden aunt but Malcolm Tucker is a genius creation and no modern politician could feel safe in their ridiculous spin while these script writers were around. Malcolm, I will miss you.
2012 was also unmissable. Only slightly undermined by the real Olympics being run very well indeed. Jessica Hynes created a PR monster who managed that rarest of things - giving us sentences that are still being used in day to day conversation. "like, totally, so here’s the thing" No? Just us then.
Parade's End was lovely to look at and to listen to. It wasn't the easiest follow but I loved the density of it. I loved not being treated like an idiot for once. Cumberbatch was ace but Rebecca Hall was outstanding. Also loved The Hollow Crown. Lots of Shakespearey stuff surrounding it was great as well. You really could just sit and watch it, as a rattling good set of stories, a drama and it was gripping. Ben Whishaw, playing Richard the Second as Michael Jackson was excellent but I don't think there was a duff performance in any of it.
I enjoyed The Hour 2 more than the first one because I got the hang of it a bit more. I prefer it to Mad Men because at least SOMETHING HAPPENS now and again.
Kind of lost Doctor Who but came back for the demise of Rory and Amy which was done really well and made me sniffle. Sherlock. I know. I know. But it is extraordinary. The writing, the design, the music. It makes you go No! Really? and makes me want to sit and hug myself at the sheer inventiveness of it all.
My main TV highlight though was a one off. The Olympic Opening Ceremony was truly a thing of awe. From the sloe eyed Cumberbach looking at camera and growling - "Let the Games Begin" through to the panning back to reveal the amazing fireworks. The whole thing was amazeballs. Even nasty pieces of work like me did smug little jigs in the living room singing the highly catchy "We have the NHS. Thank you Lord for living in a place where health care is free at the point of delivery." and " My country is ace. We are a bit frayed round the edges but we are blessed."
I expect I have missed a lot out. As you can see, I don't follow any soaps so apologies if I have missed something important there. (Have just realised - didn't include Bake Off or Strictly - sorry - loved them both) Am off now - next - my year in film. (Sound like Barry Norman)

Back

And she's back in the game. What was that? Oh yes. Christmas. All went very well thank you. These are the various bits and pieces for you.

Family loved Muppet Christmas Carol. FOW1 was a little concerned when the people giving out the tickets at the Art House were doing it with the help of glove puppets. There were are lot of kids in but also 6 ladies who had come straight from the bar and enjoyed it enormously, if the swaying from side to side was any indication. Took Mother and Liam to Plymouth Gin Distillery, so Liam sorted lots of presents out - bottles of gin and the like. I stood around with an expectant face and got nowhere.

Sunday night was the Candlelight Carol Service. FOW played in the band and they funkeyed it up a bit. Could actually have done without whatever it was that was set to the tune of Ould Lang Syne but you know how I am. Some controversy when FOW's friend tried to get his attention after the meeting by lobbing a paper cup from the balcony and it missed my mother by a fraction of a millipede. Decided to go with good will to all men vibe. Especially as she didn't notice and it was quite funny.

Sorted beginning of Christmas Dinner myself on a wing and a prayer - no one rolled on floor clutching belly so ok. I put my foot down when Mother tried to start Christmas Dinner with speech about how our numbers for the meal are dwindling as people are dying. Smallest Jack Russell has taken against her for no reason as far as we can see and retired to our room for the week. Found kids working up said dog up by whispering "Where's Nasty Beryl?" and making grrrr noises.

Loved the Queen's Christmas Speech. She talked about Christ and Christmas and Jesus being the Son of God sent to save the world and other not "right on" things. Awesome Queenie! Think she would be a good bishop. Oh wait, they don't do lady bishops do they?

I forgot to put ham in oven on Boxing Day so resorted to turkey, leeks, mushrooms and leftover veg stir fry thingy. Went down better than Christmas Day lunch.

Dragged under protest to sales. Got some stuff for work but the older I get the harder I find shopping for me and my saggy body. Settled for series Two and Three of The Mentalist instead.

I appear to have eaten my own body weight in peanuts.

Watched Doctor Who and it was brilliant. Thought Royle Family was very disappointing.

Read "The Hour Before Dawn" in two sittings.

Settled down with FOW2 to watch DVD of last Harry Potter for umpteenth time. Love it, and level of absorption in the film may have had something to do with peanut eating incident.

Mum has gone home today. Booked ticket on train First Class. Thank goodness. Floods, fire and pestilence on the railways led to general chaos and changing at New Street Birmingham. Booked assistance for her to help her at change as New Street is a complicated station if you aren't familiar with it. Nice lady with wheelchair turned up. Mum doesn't need wheelchair but it was handy to carry suitcase and her "small" shopper. First Class at least guaranteed her a seat. Everyone else on the train seemed to be recreating the scenes at the end of Titanic.

Anyway back to work for a few hours tomorrow. I live to serve and all that. Have enjoyed writing again so will probably be back tomorrow for round up of cultural highlights of 2012.

No Words

BBC News

There are times when it is right to speak and to debate. There are times when it is right to have balance in our thoughts and to think on all the good that there is in this world, despite everything.  However, there are times when an event, when the evil that men do, is of such magnitude that it is almost if our brains cannot compute what has just happened.
As I sit in my cosy living room with my family, with our Christmas decorations, I am shaken to my very core by the events at Sandy Hook. That a teacher should have to tell children to "close their eyes" for fear of what their little faces would alight upon as she led them to safety, is almost too difficult to bear.
There are no words of comfort and, as I pray for those affected (what an inadequate word that is - "affected") all I can do is commit the whole thing  to the God who digs down into the depths of our souls and ask that, somehow, he finds a way to touch and to minister. I can think of nothing else to do.

Confidence

Apparently, this is the last month that we are to be graced with the presence of the big wheel on the Hoe. Depending on which of our esteemed news outlets you believe, the company that owns it has either gone bankrupt or fled the country or both. I shall miss it if it goes. I have never actually been on it - do you think I'm crazy? I just like it as part of the landscape. I think it looks great. That is part of it's problem I suppose, if everyone else is like me and just admires it from afar, then its downfall  is inevitable.

I am not what you would call a natural limelight seeker. A part of me has always longed to enter a room like Streisand in Funny Girl. Arms out wide "Get ready for me world ,cos I'm a comin'" but it is never going to happen. And, whenever I see someone do that, another part of me is also slightly horrified. It would, I feel make life much easier sometimes. I wonder if some people are just born confident. This week we went to see our daughter pick up her GCSE certificates at a ceremony at her school. Each pupil had to wait in the stage wings until their name was called. Then they would walk across the stage with a camera trained on them. Some kids strode onto the stage just a nano away from singing - "Another Opening - Another show!" Some were so shy that they managed to get on and off without actually speaking to or making eye contact with the nice man who came 14th in "The Voice" who gave the prizes out.

Can I digress here? Can you stop me? No. So, call me old fashioned but if the idea was to inspire the young people to work hard, continue their education, formulate a career plan and generally get their lives onto a mature footing, then why choose  someone who quote - "Just went for it, man. I emptied my bank account, bought an old car and just hit the road y'know?" And, while we are at it, I think maybe his choice of song for us, "Ohhhh, this SEX IS ON FIRE",  may have been a little ill advised, that's if the Chair of Governors' face was anything to go by.
It is hard, for me anyway, to get involved, to grab hold of confidence, and to just do it. But if I don't join in, get involved and generally contribute to the society, church, community I live in, then that community may suffer because, the fields are, as has been said by a very wise Son of God, white and ready for harvest. It becomes more and more obvious to me that if I don't pull my weight and jump in, then things will not be happening that should be happening. My lack of confidence remains one of my biggest challenges.

HOH was in the basement and came across some old books of mine. In 2003 I had a book published. "What Do You Want Woman?" It was a short, evangelistic book, written in my style. I was fortunate enough to sell about 2000 copies, partly because some churches gave them out at women's meetings and some used them in Ladies Groups as light-hearted look at Christianity. I am banging a few copies on Ebay for 99p and 70p for postage. This is because I think P and P and the listing fee will be about £1.70 ish.  They are a bit dated so I wouldn't charge full price. If you are interested in a copy, this is the link. If you are interested and you live somewhere that is no longer a part of the colonies, then please get in touch and I will work out postage. Don't feel pressured or anything. Just would appreciate any opinions. Carry on, as you were then.

Asking

Matthew 7 v 7
"Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide and seek game we're in."

So when I pray for something (If I actually get round to actually praying rather than talking about it, resolving to do it, thinking how good it would be to do it etc etc)  I usually start off trying to talk God into being on my side  by explaining why I need what I need and why despite my obvious faults  it would be better for everyone concerned if God actually came through for me. Blah blah.

I really love this translation of Matthew 7. First of all it makes it clear that the Christian life is for grown ups. This is not a game. We are meant to be straight with God as he is with us. What do I need? What keeps me awake with worry? Whose story have I heard that I have no power to change myself? Who do I love so much that I want to commit them to God's care? How do I deal with that impossible situation? Apparently it is simple -  I need to ask God.

So then what happens?

If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for a fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?

I don't want to go all mega church about this but - do I dare do this? Do I dare live this? I think this is flippin MASSIVE. If I could live like this all the time, where as I asked God for my needs, he then responds as he promises to - as someone who has my best interests at heart - and someone who is able.

This has really challenged me this week and also made me feel a lot jollier. Do you ever think that when we finally meet God, he will say "It was all meant to be so much easier for you. I told you what to do, I told you how loved you were and you would never listen." I'm thinking it may just be me and you have this sorted. It wouldn't be the first time that I was just one step behind. Never mind eh?

A New Experience

Life at Hargreaves Towers is very much in "calm before the storm" mode. Except is it very stormy here at the moment as it is in most of the South and West of Britain. I seem to vaguely remember being talked into moving here because this was the Riviera of England. We expected to spend our evenings sitting in the back yard sipping cocktails batting away mosquitoes. I was not ready for putting towels up against the doors to stop the rain getting in or tying down the garden furniture to avoid chasing it down the road before it damages life and limb as the wind whips it through the back alleys of Plymouth. I want my money back. When does it get all balmy round here?
Anyway, as I was saying, all is calm here as the preparations for December and indeed within that month, Christmas, are about to begin. Before that, we have a parents evening to negotiate. I like to go and harangue teachers as early as possible in the evening because, in my experience, they tend to get a bit grumpy once it gets past 5pm. That's a bit rich because, usually the reason it is running late is because they have spent more than their allotted 17 seconds per pupil talking to some idiot parent about a mutual shared history at Heart of England University where there were both heavily involved in the Deep Purple Appreciation Society. Do not do this now! Go to the pub afterwards! After we have spoken to you, we have approximately 14.8 seconds to negotiate three flights of stairs to get to the Drama Dept., only to find that he is running an hour behind because he has been showing some poor sap his Malvolio, which he created for the Leamington Spa Dramatic Players in 1994. We then usually retire to McDonalds which is a traditional treat for FOW2 if she gets a good report. Remind me again? Who is it who benefits from our offspring getting good results? Me or HOH? I think not. So why do we have to pay for tea?
I have done a few shopping lists. Money is being transferred from savings accounts ready to be spent. Amazon baskets are being filled. HOH and I have agreed on a few dates. One is when the Christmas Tree will go up. I would like it to be up when FOW1 returns from uni so it will be a bit like "Driving Home for Christmas" but good. HOH, who feels that Christmas decorations make the place untidy, likes to leave it longer. Much, much longer. One year, we were stopped in the street and asked if we had become Jehovah's Witnesses as it didn't seem like we were bothering with Christmas this year. So we have compromised and we are doing it on the day I want it done.
This morning we went to a Church of England service. (Long story) It was my first Anglican service that wasn't a wedding/funeral/Nativity/Seminar on "Sharing" and it was really good. Really normal. I wasn't really sure what to expect. Possibly a lot of Call and Response and altar kneeling. But it was fine. We were a bit terrified by "Sharing the Peace" but this just seems to mean getting up and after saying "Peace be with you."  to as many people as possible, chatting merrily about garden furniture being blown over your wall and damaging your pergola. In the Baptist church, we have a thing where we "Say the Grace to one another" This involves saying Grace while looking round at people and saying the Grace to them. I can't say I am that comfortable with it but, over time I have perfected my own technique of saying the Grace while moving my head from side to side in an encouraging way without actually making eye contact with anyone. This only fell apart a little when I told a friend about it and he now leans out from wherever he is sitting in church and stares at me until he gets my attention. He thinks this is funny.
So C of E was good, really good. I have a strong non-conformist background which, in my younger days, could lead to some quite intolerant behaviour. I am not proud of it. As I have got older, I am less sure of many of my old certainties. I am certain about this though. God was there this morning. We felt him in the quiet, "getting on with it attitude" of his people and their friendliness to us. Was a bit disappointed we didn't sing "O Jesus I have promised." but you can't have everything.

Mid November Musings

Do you know that I am struggling to think of one constructive thing to write? It's all very "mid-November" here. All are well and truly back in the education/work grove. Christmas is looming despite my best efforts to ignore it, so maybe I should just riff a bit (as the young people almost never say) and see what happens.
Fruit of Womb One seems to be doing much better at York University (Thanks for asking). Archaeology seems to be a much better fit than politics. He says there are less people on this course who think that they will rule the world. I have chosen not to point out that some of these politics students may indeed go on to rule the world. It is a worry to me, therefore, that many of these people have not worked out that you can't put your black grundys in the wash with your white tee shirts.No wonder the world is in a mess.
FOW1 seems to be very engaged in Archaeology and we did conduct a very interesting if one sided phone conversation about the neolithic age. I could not contribute much to be honest but it was good to hear him so enthusiastic and it did give me a chance to file my nails while he was sharing. Apparently there is a Christian girl who is refusing to attend lectures about pre-history because she doesn't believe in pre-history. My (rather uncharitable) feeling is that she maybe should have thought of this before as to me it seems rather obvious that archaeologists will be going a long way back. I think I may be showing my ignorance here.
He has not left politics behind completely and was part of a rather sad group who stayed up late (or early - whatever till 4am is) to watch the US election results. As you may know, my opinion on that was coloured by Mr Romney's opinion on our ability to put on the Olympic Games. Did I mention how fabulous they were Mr Romney?
FOW2 is up to her neck in AS levels. For her, education is still just an excuse to read books - all the time. She is doing Media studies and they are looking at horror movies. One young man keeps walking out of the lesson because he is - not to put to fine a point on it - scared. I know that is the general idea but I don't suppose it is helping his grade much. I have a lot of sympathy for him. I hate horror movies. Not sure if I have seen one all the way through to be fair but you know when you just know when something isn't your thing?
Otherwise, this week, I have done very little except go to see the Bond movie. This is my first Bond since Moonraker, when it all got too silly to contemplate anymore. I was surprised how good Skyfall was. Like a proper film. (Worry not - no spoilers) It was about thirty minutes too long but still very good. A few points of order...

• Do we think Daniel Craig is good looking? Sometimes he looks fantastic. Sometimes he looks like a jug eared twelve year old - no?
• Is it wrong to like the baddie as much as Bond?
• When a man joins a woman - uninvited - in the shower, would she not look a bit surprised - or even try to fend him off with a loofah? 
• If Q turns out not to be a real person and not be Ben Wishaw I will be very disappointed. 

Anyway, also came across one of my favourite CS Lewis sayings

"God's demand for perfection need not discourage you in the least in your present attempts to be good, or even your present failures. Each time you fall, he will pick you up again And he knows perfectly well that your own efforts are never going to bring you anywhere near perfection." 

Bit like this blog..

As the madness begins

Just something to think about

Many thanks to Angela at Tracing Rainbows for drawing attention to this

Tears

Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle. Are they not in thy book?
When I cry unto thee, then shall my enemies turn back: this I know; for God is for me.
Psalm 56 v 8,9

I am, as you may have realised, a big fan of The Message as a version of the Bible. For me, it often reflects the the things I am thinking and touches me in my day to day life.
There are times though, when only the King James will do. There is a poetry and an extra dimension that touches my soul. These verses, I think, have never been bettered. I was reminded of them this week when Charles Spurgeon's devotional dropped into my inbox. I don't think Christians are supposed to believe in coincidences but sometimes I think that we let God's prompting pass us by and call it coincidence. I needed to be reminded of this and maybe you did too.

Put thou my tears into thy bottle

The Bible is a big book. It spans heaven and earth.It covers generations and nations. It speaks to kings and their armies and yet this is the most extraordinarily intimate sentence. It suggests that each individual tear I shed is carefully and lovingly collected. It is placed into a bottle and marked in a ledger. It is noted and remembered. It is not ignored or missed and I am not judged for my weakness or lack of faith.

When I cry unto thee, then shall my enemies turn back

More than this, these tears are prayers. They may never be written in a prayer book or read out in church  but prayers they are and they are heard and God takes them and keeps them. All my tears.

The tears of solitude and loneliness when you wonder why things are like this and people act this way.

The tears of frustration at your own shortcomings and when you wonder if you will ever be able to get any of it right.

The tears of fear for your family and your future. When you hurt because your children hurt and there is nothing that you can do.

The tears of bereavement and loss. Not just for people, but for a life that you expected to have.

The tears that are shed when you know that you have been treated badly and feel that there is no-one to turn to.

Tears shed through sheer physical exhaustion when you are giving all you can and it doesn't seem to be enough.

The tears you shed when you wonder if he is really there at all and if he is, why is life like this?

Not one is missed. Not one tear. Those times when our eyes brim with tears but we fight them back and no-one notices. God notices. If you don't cry easily but feel inside as if you are crying out loud. God hears it as if it were audible to all.

Nothing is wasted. Nothing is missed. Your tears are prayers. God has heard.

Half Term Havoc

It's half term. That's lovely isn't it? I know things are easier for us now that we only have a sixteen year old to think about so we don't have to organise childcare or anything so I don't want to complain BUT because it's half term

•  It is apparently time to bake so I now have no icing sugar or jam. Apparently it took over an hour to clean up and the dogs keep licking the kitchen floor so who knows what went on there? The cakes are lovely though.
• My laptop screensaver has "accidentally" been changed to a baby sloth asleep on a teddy bear. 
• We are apparently expected to provide money for gossipy lunches. I do not have time for lunch.
• I am missing several DVDs. It will not take Sherlock Cumberbatch to trace them to FOW 2s bedroom.

Thank you God for my astonishing daughter...

Dog Walking and Growing as a Person

These are our dogs having a walk on the park. I'm sorry for the unsavoury angle which sort of makes them look like a canine version of the publicity shy Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow. We only had time to get a couple of photos of the two of them before they started getting a bit lairy. (The dogs that is - not the Paltrow/Martin combo) and in all the others they were sniffing each others bottoms. (Same disclaimer re dogs rather than Paltrow/Martin)

Anyway, getting off the subject here. So these are our dogs and they are practically perfect. Will not stop here to define perfect, as our neighbour who still has the nip marks on her leg, may well challenge our definition and we will get waylaid again.  Anyway, I am the first to admit that they are sometimes a bit snappish. A bit. Sometimes. When provoked. Not proper biting, you understand, just growly and a bit barky and nippy. A bit. Very rarely.

So you may not realise this but there exists a sort of dog walkers etiquette. When you are in the park, walking your dogs and listening to the birdies and wondering how important it is that you cannot find that pooh that Lucy has dropped in the middle of all those leaves, there is a code. That code says that if you have a dog on a lead, rather than running around loose, there is a reason for that. Often the dog is a bit barky or nervous  or runs like someone has fired them out of a cannon when they are let loose. There are lots of reasons. However, if you see someone with dogs on leads and they take steps to avoid meeting you with your dog, the thing to do is respect that and give them some space. There is no point following her and getting her dogs all worked up. There is very little to be gained by insisting on stalking her across the park with your spookily obedient German Shepherd. It is also not helpful to let your huge German Shepherd suddenly appear in the bushes so that someone walking two Jack Russells, suddenly finds herself desperately trying to get said Jacks on a short lead as they compete to get at mountain sized dog and give him a piece of their minds. It is also not cricket, when woman who is wrestling with mad Jacks tries to apologise to give her a pained smile, tut and walk on, successfully impersonating the "Smug Person of the Year" award winner.

This is why women who are wrestling with Jacks that you have upset, seemingly on purpose, feel the need to say, in what was probably a much too loud voice.

"What's it like to be Queen of the World and know everything?"

I don't suppose she heard anything. She didn't turn round. HOH says that's maybe because she was crying. I doubt it. 

Life Lessons from Dog Walking.

1. Conflict has to be handled sometimes. I cannot hide behind privets all the time.
2. Pulling your tongue out when someone isn't looking is not handling conflict.
3. Even when you apologise, some people will still be miserable crows. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't say sorry.
4. Sometimes you should say sorry, when you are not in the wrong. Often it calms things down. sometimes it doesn't. (See point 3) 
5. You can't be everyone's friend.
6. To be honest, you don't want to be everyone's friend do you?
7. In the end you have to try to be nice to everyone while accepting that it won't always work. then your work here is done. Like it says in Romans "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."

I am calm. I am serene. I am going to walk the dogs 15 minutes earlier to try and avoid running into German Shepherd Lady. I am, as usual, not very proud of myself.

Quite Rude

Dear Religion
This week I safely dropped a man from space while you shot a child in the head for wanting to go to school.
Yours, Science.

This is a tweet sent by Ricky Gervais this week which has been debated around a few Christian blogs. The consensus of opinion abut the tweet seems to be the following.

• This is a bit strange because Malala (the young girl who was shot) See here if you have been living in a cave. is a devout girl who wanted to learn, rather than a secular atheist.
• Also Felix Baumgartner, who fell from space (check here cave dwellers) brought back a sense of awe rather than a sense of "pah - it was just science".
• Mr Gervais is a celebrity who understands the power of a sharp phrase and Twitter gives him the opportunity to use one without regress. (Apparently he ruthlessly blocks anyone who disagrees with him. His privilege - dunno have never followed him.)
• Sometimes religion brings all these things onto itself.

These are all admirable and well reasoned thoughts and they do the Christian Community credit to have responded so thoughtfully and with such restraint. I tend to stay out of these debates because my initial reaction was "Smug G*t" and that is neither mature or considered. It may well be factually correct. Who can say? 
I also stay out because I am so far out of my depth. I do not have the mental capacity to spar with these people. Richard Dawkins is undoubtedly very brainy and I find him so intimidating I rarely watch him. He also seems to be so full of spleen that I find he leaves me a bit depressed about the state of the world and how much hate a person can carry. Maybe that's just me.

I'm not very good in debates on religion. I have never considered myself religious. In my most Utopian moments, I consider myself part of a Christian community known as followers of "The Way" I am enthusiastic about Jesus and what he has done for me and am therefore caught up in living that life with all its challenges to be self sacrificing and thoughtful and generous. This is indeed so challenging that it takes up all my time and energy, leaving me little room to be self absorbed and an all round nasty piece of work. This is how I try to live my life. Often, this is little more than a pipe dream but, in the words of the great Steve Coppell - I don't want to make it a target but it is something to aim for. 

I am not divorced from debate or from culture but I find I need God's wisdom to support my family and friends and to stop me spending my days deliberately trapping my head in the door. It's not that I don't want to be thoughtful about the higher things in life. I read and discuss and think. I just genuinely can't be bothered with all the points scoring. 

I suspect that on a Friday night in Islington, there are parties being held where people in crumpled linen jackets drink a lot of Chablis while scoffing humus and clam linguine  and have a really good laugh at people like me and my blind faith in my imaginary friend. I just wish I gave a monkey's. 

Galatians 5 V 25-26. Since this is the kind of life we have chosen, the life of the Spirit, let us make sure that we do not just hold it as an idea in our heads or a sentiment in our hearts, but work out its implications in every detail of our lives. That means we do not compare ourselves with each other as if one of us were better and another worse. We have far more interesting things to do with our lives.

Before I go.......

Text from York University

"Is £33.00 a lot for an electricity bill?"

Reply

"For how long - a quarter, a month, a minute?"

York University

"Oh yes. Good point. Will check"

Saturday Stuff

I have spent a pleasant day on my own. Some of it was spent creating a thing of beauty. Stand back and admire the peg bag people. There is plenty to see here. And it cost me nowt. Just an old hanger and some material from my stash. Well I say stash. I mean one of the two spare pieces of material that I have accumulated. Mostly, I am just pleased that we have managed to replace the old cushion cover that we used to keep pegs in. Do you think it is like this in the Beckhams'?
I just wish I could learn to be a bit more tidy when I worked so that I didn't double the time it took to do everything.

We creative types just have to go with the flow and worry about the consequences later.

Then FOW1 remembered that only last week he had parents and phoned to catch up which was nice. Pizzas  are being eaten, ciders are being drunk, the church surf is booked and there has been a "discussion" in his student house about who keeps stealing the cheese. Seems all is well.

Then my mum phoned. She has organised her part in our Christmas and now it is time for me to do my part.

Mum.   I've spoken to Liam. He is bringing me down on the 21st. Did you find out about my train back?
Me       Yep. There is one a week later.
Mum    Have you booked it?
Me       It's a bit early
Mum    It might fill up.
Me       It won't
Mum    It might.
Me       I'll keep an eye on it.
Mum    OK.

Mum    Isn't it best to book now?
Me       I don't have my card by the phone.
Mum    OK

Mum    Can't you get the card?
Me       What? now?
Mum    If you want to.
Me       Do you want me to?
Mum    No. It doesn't matter. You'll keep an eye on it.

Mum    Wouldn't hurt, would it? To book now.
Me       I'll get my card.
Mum    Well, if you think it's best.

Mum    What's that tapping noise. Are you on the Internet?
Me       Yep.
Mum    Quite rude, while we're talking.
Me       I'M BOOKING YOUR TICKET!
Mum    I'm not sure it's not too early

Cue strangling noises from my end of the phone. As the kids say - there is only one Nana Bez.

Snakes in the camp.

Etsy

It may well be just me but have you ever uttered the phrase "Why does it have to be so complicated Lord? Why can't you just deal with it and take the problem away?" We have uttered this prayer plenty of times in Hargreaves Towers but even more than usual as FOW1 has returned to University and is dealing with a hassle that is not of his making which, to my highly expert eye, God could be dealing with quite easily.
While this is going on, I am learning about the Children of Israel. I am becoming quite taken with the Children of Israel. They remind me of me. They are slow to learn, quick to whinge, lack vision, take a long time to get to where they need to be and try God's patience on an almost minute by minute basis. I like them.

I'm reading the passage in Numbers 21 about the snake of fiery copper. I am with Indiana Jones on snakes. I am very suspicious about creatures who are sometimes shaped like the last thing they ate.  Back to Numbers. Israel are travelling and on a detour. They become irritable and begin to complain to God. This behaviour fits in with their normal pattern but this time for what are probably entirely understandable reasons, God reacts.

"God sent poisonous snakes among the people; they bit them and many in Israel died."

He's not messing about here is he? Maybe something to consider next time I am thinking of  forgetting to count my blessings?

Anyway..showing commendable if tardy wisdom, the Children of Israel apologise to God and ask Moses to pray for them to take the snakes away. And Moses prays, God listens, the snakes return to the places where snakes live and everyone lives happily until the children of Israel find something else to complain about (approximately twenty minutes later usually)

But no actually. God doesn't take the snakes away. They are to continue living in the camp. Jumping out when you least expect them and generally annoying people by biting them until they die. What God does supply is an antidote. A way out.

"Make a snake and put it on a flagpole: Whoever is bitten and looks at it will live."

The snakes are not leaving the building.

And you just know don't you? Well I think I do. He doesn't always take it away. Not so that your problems never existed. Sometimes, they stay with you and again and again you have to look to God to deal with things as they are occurring. I suppose as well that, as the Israelites learned to live with the snakes, it became a habit. Every time someone got a nasty surprise behind the woodshed they would automatically look at the copper snake as a matter of course.  Hopefully, they also remembered the God who sent this miracle.

I'm thinking that this is something I need to building into me, and my life. God is not my magic fairy. He has told me what to do to live my life with any degree of contentment and achievement - I keep looking at him for help and healing. And what will be supplied will be sufficient for my needs at that time. God is willing and able to do things that I am not even able to visualise. But somehow, there is a balance. None of this means that all problems will be taken away. Because as we know life is hard. Indeed as Jesus never actually said
"I beg your pardon. I never promised you a Rose Garden."
Apologies to Lynn Anderson and Jesus. Not necessarily in that order.

Me v the young people

Wikipedia

So you l know I love the young people, almost without exception. I support them when they want to worship God very loudly in church and I have no time for old ladies who come to a service labelled as livelier then sit with their hands on their ears.

However, I think we may have parted company on this one. So we are singing this in church at the moment.

"I've made a place for you here so c'mon, c'mon...
All things are possible here so c'mon, c'mon"

I know that I am old but I can't tell you how disappointed I will be if I get to heaven and God speaks like an extra from Scooby Doo. Just saying.

A Sort of Catch up Week

You know. You think your family love you and then you see a photo like this and you wonder how anyone who loved you could let you go out looking like that! This is me in the garden enjoying the dregs of summer with a very relaxed Morecambe. I haven't really been out in the glasses. They were £2 from Primark and we call them my Harry Potters. This week has been funny. I really can't think of anything to tell you.....really nothing to share....except

Now I think about it, I haven't exactly been tied to the kitchen sink. We went to the theatre to see "The Ladykillers". I remember the film with Alec Guinness and it frightened the life out of me - all very sinister. This was played much more for laughs except when it all goes pear shaped. It was done really well (I have never seen anyone stabbed to death with a bit of banister before) and the set was superb. Best set I have seen since the helicopter came on in Miss Saigon  (That is the only bit I remember about Miss Saigon - the rest seemed to drone on a bit) I did have the chance to see Blood Brothers with Marti Pellow but to be honest, I would rather poke my own eyes out with a spoon. Nothing against Mr Pellow who I am sure is jolly nice but I hate "Star Vehicles" in musicals. I like to watch something without all the mumbling about "Was she in Eastenders?" and giggling when the "Star" comes on.

Oh and...

We had a Vintage Fair in Plymouth. Proper vintage fair mind you and not one of these events where you wander round looking at stalls with dodgy looking mattresses and old bits of plastic piping. This was all lovely and 1940s/1950s based with everyone all dressed accordingly and a live band playing stuff like "In The Mood". I have never seen so many vintage tea-cups in my life.

Oh and...

Also, had a small moment when I was certain that dementia was setting in. Sat at Church Communications Team meeting and a chap refers to some work that has been done regarding advertising for volunteers and putting together some  ideas and lists etc. and I am nodding my head and grinning at no-one in particular and thinking "Well done whoever that was" and then when I look - everyone is looking at me and smiling and waiting for me to explain what I did. It was me! I had done the lists! I honestly couldn't remember doing it for what seemed like an age but was probably a few seconds. Then it all clicked back. In my defence we haven't had a meeting all summer and I have had a lot on my plate but was slightly concerned that it took me more than a few seconds to work out what the jiminy they were all on about. Think I got away with it.

Oh and....

BEWARE-SPOILER ALERT
Caught up with Parade's End. I have loved this so much. So beautifully written. Each line and each performance seemed so rich. Sir Benedict of Cumberbatch did really well making a strange character so sympathetic as did Rebecca Hall. I think she did almost too well because I was very nearly rooting for her at the end. (Only nearly) I loved the end. I loved how low key and gentle and well just - happy it was. One of my TV highlights this year. Also Doctor Who, end of the series (and of certain people - never did really love her that much but really liked him) also very good. The Weeping Angels are a genius creation.

Oh and...

Have been packing and stuff all week for FOW1's return to university. We have loved having him back but it is time to go and he is ready as all his friends have gone. I never quite understand how people cope with this kind of thing who don't have access to prayer. I pester the living daylights out of God at times like this and am very grateful that I can.

Oh and just wanted to leave you with this just because it it  - well just very, very good. I made a decision to try and use Bible verses from the Message as much as possible on the blog because it is very accessible but I have really loved it and am getting so much from it myself. Like this from Philippians 1...

"So this is my prayer: that your love will flourish and that you will not only love much but well. Learn to love appropriately. You need to use your head and test your feelings So that your love is sincere and intelligent  not sentimental gush. Live a lover's life, circumspect and exemplary  A life Jesus will be proud of: bountiful in fruits from the soul, making Jesus attractive to all, getting everyone involved in the glory and praise of God."

Sometimes people make out that Christians are nice but dim. That our God commands us to follow blindly and not be thoughtful and intelligent. Read this and you will see that sometimes people are wrong.

And this one...we don't do no more

Paraphrasing slightly (as usual) from Father of the Bride. There are hymns which I grew up with that used to be part of the national, Christian consciousnesses. For instance I used to love "When a Knight won his Spurs." We don't do them so much now. Remember it?

So lovely and to my old, slightly jaundiced ears, so much better than some of the Jesus is my girlfriend songs we get now. (Don't get worked up, I can give you the names of several thousand witnesses who know that I really appreciate good loud worship and that I bow to no-one in my admiration of Tim Hughes et al)
FOW1 spent some of the summer reading a book for his archaeology degree called "By Sword and Fire - Cruelty and Atrocity in Medieval Warfare" From what I can make out, most knights spent their time a-pillaging and
a-massacring anything with a pulse rather than your actual gallanting and chivalrying.
This may be why it has fallen out of favour, which I suppose is fair enough. Still, it makes me a little sad. It always made me think of truth and honour being important and seemed to have this spirit of commitment running through it. And I like that and I don't care.

On a less edifying note.Went out Friday night and had to record last episode of Parade's End. Still haven't had time to watch it so have commanded the few people I know who are following it to refrain from any mention of ANYTHING at all that went on. Especially the prospect of jig-a jig. Am not sure this programme is doing my spirituality any good at all as am very much hoping that he leaves his wife and goes off with Valentine. I am not proud of myself.

Remembering

I remember you always wandering off as a little boy and having to send Pedro - our chihuahua to find you.

I remember you sitting on my knee when you were perhaps six years old. You and your friend were being interviewed by the police as someone had reported you for vandalising their garden by pulling up all their pansies. You were so upset and full of denials and the policeman was so lovely that we all knew that it couldn't have been you. Until the police man left and you gave me a big theatrical wink.

I remember us decorating Mum's front room and you falling off the step ladders (in a non-ambulance needing kind of way) and the whole thing descended into a Laurel and Hardy farce. Then Mum came in and really told us off while we stifled giggles. I was 28 and you were 20.

I remember how you used to lecture me about God being faithful in all things, especially our weakness and how I should lighten up a bit and just be grateful.

I remember sitting on the train with you to go to Manchester for a job interview. You had had such a bad time with a workplace bully in your first job and this would be such a leap. I was so proud when you got the job and prospered.

I remember that you were the first person I told when HOH first kissed me.

I remember when HOH had his eye operation and how you ferried me backwards and forwards to Manchester. We couldn't have done that without your kindness.

I remember when you lost your way and you hurt so many people in your confusion.

I remember when you told me you were gay and saying "So I'm supposed to be surprised"

I remember as we watched your lifestyle and the concerns we had for your safety both physical and for your heart. I remember us losing each other completely as my disapproval and fear came up against your behaviour.

I remember how you turned up out of the blue and how Liam told us that you had wanted to get your life back on track before you came back. When we came to the celebration at your civil ceremony you asked how I had got to this place. I told you how easy it was. The day that I realised that God just wanted me to love you - not judge you - that was never my place. And I did love you and that was that and everything else flowed from that.

I remember that first Christmas with you and Liam and the evening with the Beatles Rockband. You were very unkind about my drumming.

I remember your breathlessness which became pneumonia. We wondered if it was as a result of your lifestyle (not that it would have made a difference) but the doctors said not. I remember the nurse who told me that although they saved over 90% of people with pneumonia that still meant that they lost nearly 10%.

I remember the day you became one of those 10%. Two years this week. I miss you Bro.

Dave Carter 1969-2010