A Special Place

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed. Mark 1

So I read this and was thinking about it, like you do. When I was a young person in church, this was often used as an instruction regarding discipline. Jesus got himself out of bed early - he made the effort to pray and so should you! I am all for the merits of discipline. Goodness knows I could do with a bit when it comes to my unedifying caramel wafer habit. (Do you think they will be more difficult to buy if Scotland votes for Independence? I might boycott them anyway if they do. I am having huge rejection issues about this. Sorry - digression) It is true that we achieve very little without some form of discipline. It wasn't what struck me about this though.

We were also advised that this meant that early morning was the ideal time to have a quiet prayer time because that's when Jesus did it and so it must be right. Anyone who has set their alarm at 4am for a quiet time and after switching it off with every intention of getting up immediately, suddenly finds themselves waking with a start four hours late for work, knows that it doesn't always work. Also what if you work an early shift? You would have to set your alarm at about 1am. I am not sure God would welcome the kind of person I would be at 1am after an alarm had gone off. Anyway, it's not what I thought of when I read this.

I thought, what if Jesus got up that early because he just couldn't wait. As soon as his eyes opened he wanted to be with God. Because that was his special, safe place. Because, with all that was going on, he couldn't wait to seek God's face for advice and power. And also maybe because of the way God felt about his beloved son. He wanted Jesus to come and BE with him. Jesus knew the Father would be waiting and be so chuffed to spend time together. This would give Jesus strength for the rest of the day but it was also a special time in itself. It was maybe his favourite time of the whole day, when he was most where he was supposed to be and he LOVED it. 

I would so love to cultivate that - the complete acceptance, the simple joy in the presence of the father - just a fantastic relationship. So that, when I think of God, I just want to be in my best place. at prayer with the Father. feeling known and loved.

You can tell for sure that you are now fully adopted as his own children because God sent the Spirit of his Son into our lives crying out, “Papa! Father!” Doesn’t that privilege of intimate conversation with God make it plain that you are not a slave, but a child? 
Galatians 4 6 (Msg)

Things for you

Just to let you know that I have just finished this and really enjoyed it. It's set in a debtors prison and it is full of historical detail and social history and a stonking good murder mystery and, if I guessed one of the murderers almost straight away, it didn't spoil anything, partly because I didn't see the other murder thing coming at all. Got it out of the library too so I have frugal brownie points as well.

Just in passing, I thought that Dr Who was a lot better this week. I hope he works, I really like him.

Finally, I think I told you that FOW1 was 21 a few weeks ago. FOW 2 and my good self were running around M and S trying to get candles for the cake. FOW1 is at that funny age when he is too adult for cake and candles unless you don't bother getting them for him and then you are a bad parent. Anyway, we couldn't find any of the right numbers (2 and 1) so we got these. they add up to the right number so it's the same thing right? Apparently not.

Going gently into that good scrapyard

Reading Tracing Rainbows this week and all the problems Angela has had with her car reminded me that this summer, we said goodbye to our car. I am not the sort of person who is too bothered about cars. I am very much an A to B person. HOH and I and I both walk to work and when the kids were at school, they got the bus so really our car is a sort of extra thing. 
I am sure that it is not healthy to give feelings to an inanimate object but I have to confess to a little tear as they towed it away. I wondered for a fleeting moment if it was a bit frightened about where it was going (not to a good place) then I realised how ridiculous I was. The thing is the car has been part of our family - oh yes it has. We bought it to take me to the Christie hospital for radiotherapy and since then it has seen some life. It has been packed full of teenagers and dog on their way to the beach for evening bbqs. It has provided a safe space to open envelopes with exam results in. It has been the place that hid me when I was too shy to go into a place for the first time. It has also been the place where I cried when work was just TOO difficult. It has sheltered us from the rain and the wind and was such a welcome sight when we were waiting for lifts late at night. It has taken family members to hospital appointments and transported us all safely down south when we moved. Do NOT try and tell me that it has not been an important part of us.
However, it is now 17 years old and it had started to overheat on a regular basis so that I was more and more tense when we were in traffic. It was costing loads of money to get it through its MOT and I kind of felt it was done. So we got something else and it's fine and the kids are less embarrassed by it and it is less likely to pack in during the pouring rain or on Plymouth's most notorious roundabout. But I waved it off, at least I did in my head and it takes some precious memories with it and I am very grateful for it. You can laugh all you want.

That's It Then

I am assuming that Summer has decided to sling its hook. It is still August but if the Bank Holiday is anything to go by, I think we can safely assume that we have more or less had it. No more leisurely breakfasts on the Hoe for a while. Probably just as well judging by waistline and bank balance. It is very damp here so hopefully telly will get a bit better. Anyway...Dr Who

BBC

I love Peter Capaldi and I really hope it works out but...good grief. Without sounding too much like my Mum, half the time I had no idea what anyone was saying. It all seemed very intense and not in a good way. Not even a new story, FOW2 recognised it as an old Tennant story within 5 minutes. Don't strain yourself Moffatt will you? And that flippin Lizzard and her wife as they kept telling us again and again and again. They came out more times than Vicky Beeching! (Sorry Vicky, I think you are lovely and brave but I kind of think it might be time to talk about someone else for a while?) 

FOW2 and I spent half an our this evening chatting about old Whos, funny Whos, sharp Whos. I miss Eccleston opening a copy of Hello magazine and commenting "That'll never work - he's gay and she's an alien" I miss him telling Billie Piper that what she needed was a doctor. I miss Tennant shouting "Allons-y Allonso!" or " You want weapons - we're in a library! Books! The best weapons in the world!" or Donna shouting "You're not mating with me sunshine!" You get the idea.

I truly hope it's not an idea whose time has passed. It is in dire need of something though. A script perhaps?

We're Living The High Life

Or we were...

Anyway, bit of London. We were there for 3 nights and 5 days if you get my drift. We planned ahead and did something every night. Just thought I would tell you about the theatre bits. We saw The Commitments, which is really just the weakest story in the history of the world held together by some of the most fantastic music ever. Basically, they get away with it by providing a twenty minute set of Motown belters at the end that they do really well. This sends everyone away happy and completely oblivious to the fact that the plot and dialogue could have been written in the gaps on the back of a Persil packet. Seriously not complaining though - we had a great night. We watched from a box which was on a special offer thingy. Several people must have thought that we were famous because they came and pointed their cameras up at us to take photos. Must have been a bit disappointing when they got home.

Also went to see The 39 Steps, which is a quite frankly hilarious parody of Hitchcock's film of the John Buchan Novel It has a cast of four who interchange roles quite brilliantly. It would make your cat laugh. We did spot a few Japanese people buying copies of the original film in the foyer after the play had finished. Just hope they knew it was the original film - rather than the funny play. I had visions of them getting home and putting their films in their lovely DVD players and wondering why the whole thing was so much darker and more dramatic than they remembered. Not as many laughs either.

Anyway, just to finish this portion of that was the month, that was, a photo of me and HOH. This is because he takes most of the photos and thinks that in years to come, strangers will look back and think that we were a one parent family because he is rarely there. That would never do.

 

How rude

I have been away from blogging. It was very rude to leave without a by your leave. This is not a Northern thing to do. I apologise. In my defence I have had a month and a half - in a month - all squashed in. 

• FOW1 has had a friend to stay for a weekend. Not that I was involved much in that but my job was to keep the bathroom clean which turned out to be a full time job.
• We had a very welcome invasion from Northern type relatives for a few days. 
• All members of family, except, me hit milestone birthdays - 18, 21 and 60. You can work out for yourself which is which.
• We have had leave from work and also been to London to see lots of theatre and cinema and history and shopping and stuff. And eating. Lots and lots of eating - trash mostly.
• Went to London with HOH-ON OUR OWN . Mooched around in a lovely romantic way without teenagers five yards behind asking where Bella Italia is.
• FOW2 got her A level results. AAA* since you ask - thank you very much.

It has been so busy. A more organised person would have blogged every day and kept you abreast of developments. I meant to, I really did. Instead, I kept guiltily looking at my laptop in the corner staring at me like a puppy I hadn't fed. (I have no idea why I wrote that, I have never not fed a puppy)

I have also been brave and booked for a writers' day in London in October. I don't really do things like this but really wanted to go so I went for it. Can always pull out (no, no I won't - almost certainly not)

So if you are still there, thank you. I shall attempt to continue as things were before the month that has just passed intervened. Can't say I am sorry though. We had a great month!

What have we become?

Guardian

Some people made a terrible mistake this week. A shocking horrifying mistake. A passenger plane was shot down. They weren't aiming for a passenger plane, but that was what they hit. Because of that mistake nearly two hundred people - perhaps eighty of them children, including these beautiful faces here, lost their lives in a horrible, horrible way.
It is the kind of thing that should stop us in our tracks. We should be asking ourselves - is this too far? Does this awful thing show us just how near to the abyss we are? We should be asking ourselves these things personally but also as nations. Our leaders should be leading us to our knees. Yet, what do we see? Politicians on all sides jockeying for position. Trying to take advantage. Pointing fingers. We see people playing for time, hiding evidence, stopping grieving families finding their loves, their babies.Trying to shift the blame, to absolve themselves of all responsibility.
I am naive, I know. I sort of thought that something like this would make people stop. Say "Hang on a minute - this is too much, too far. Let's talk together like grown people who have maybe seen too much."
It seems not. I am afraid for what we are all becoming.

Things you get used to

 
I have realised these things about myself

1. I will never be any good at structured dance. Now set me off in a room with Motown and - yes sir, I can boogie - a bit. Put some dance moves in and you have lost me. I hokey when everyone else is doing the cokey. I dread it when some wag at the front of church says "Let's all do the children's actions to this!" Because I know that, sooner rather than later, I will be facing forward when everyone else is facing backward. Or I will be wildly doing the helicopter on my own when everyone else has decided not to go for a second verse. I have never been to a Ceilidh. I am too afraid that carnage will follow.
2. I will never be able to tan the back of my legs. It's summer and my legs are out. HOH insists that as I go about my business and walk about at lunch etc, then the flabby calves at the back will gradually tan. This does not happen - ever. Front of legs are brown. Back are very white. Unattractive stripes naturally follow. Most of my leg tanning happens at lunch when I sit on a bench in the park and read my book. I have thought that one way to deal with this may be by lying on my stomach on the bench for the duration of my lunch. Concerned friends insist that this will bring unwanted attention from the local constabulary.
3. Whenever I run into people that I have not seen for a long time, I always look like I have been cleaning out caravans. I never, ever run into anyone unexpected when I am on my way to a wedding and I am reasonably turned out. Thus, I am convinced that there is a community of people out there that I have not seen for a while who are convinced that I have fallen on hard times and are packing up food parcels for me as we speak.

This is who I am and although it is annoying sometimes, it's not that important. What other people make of me when it comes to unimportant things should never be keeping me awake. It does sometimes and I have to speak sternly to myself because I am accepted. Not just in the big stuff but in the little things that sometimes band together and make me feel like a donk. I love God's attention to detail - my detail. 

^{Matthew 10 v 29}“What’s the price of a pet canary? Some loose change, right? And God cares what happens to it even more than you do. He pays even greater attention to you, down to the last detail—even numbering the hairs on your head!

I may never be able to dance the merengue - makes no difference to God. I may have lots to learn but here today, I am accepted, it is sorted. Onwards!

Letting it go

They couldn’t take their eyes off them—Peter and John standing there so confident, so sure of themselves! Their fascination deepened when they realised these two were laymen with no training in Scripture or formal education. 

So I'm reading this in the Message in Acts, and I get to thinking about Peter. Not John so much. He always strikes me as being the one that has it all sorted. The quiet, faithful, groovy one. I always think of John of being a bit like Jazz music or Jimi Hendrix or something. Can't help you with why that would be.
Anyway, back to Peter, it's that phrase, "standing there so confident"  He's a man perfectly at ease with himself and with his God. He's doing great things. He's like McFaddyn and Whitehead and there ain't no stopping him now. Yet not so long ago, he was broken. He had so messed up. Made himself look a fool. He declared undying love and devotion to Jesus and then couldn't follow it though. He let Jesus down - big time. He knew it. He accepted it.He was ready to leave the life of God behind and go back to fishing for a living. So what made the difference? Well lots of things, you know about the sort of things,the coming of the Holy Spirit, Jesus' calling - all the epic stuff.
There was, I think, also a quieter, more personal thing. Peter was able to receive his forgiveness. It is obvious to us that Jesus forgave Peter for his behaviour. It was done with as far as he was concerned. But then there is the next step in forgiveness. If you are forgiven, you need to BE forgiven. You need to act it, take it, do it. If it's gone, it's gone - move on, get on with the life you have been given. It does not honour God to keep dragging events back up that he has dealt with. It can be a bit self indulgent if we are not careful. God had stuff for Peter to do. He needed to be preaching and healing and getting bolshy with religious leaders and standing next to John while people got their astonished faces on. Even with God's power, he couldn't have done that if he was all "woe is me."
In truth, I don't know if Peter wrestled privately with what he had done in the past, but it didn't seem to let it affect his purpose and the way he lived his life. 
Being forgiven is supposed to make us feel good - if we let it.

Prayers

The Internet is a funny thing. Blogging is even stranger. For quite a while now, I have been following a blog. I have never met the lady but from her musings, I understand her to be a woman of God, a preacher, a server, devoted to her family and her community. She likes a simple life, frugality and her home. Last night, I heard through another blogger friend that her husband had died. He had been ill for some time but the possibility of his death coming sooner rather than later had only really become into being in the last few weeks. His death must have been an awful shock. So this evening, in the spirit of God's community as well as a blogging community, I'm adding my prayers to those of her friends, for her and her family; that God will support them and they will feel his love and security at this time. And that those who mourn will be comforted.

It's July!

No really it is. This week at work, had horrible conversation which sort of ticked through a few diary dates and then pointed out that when they were done, it would be time to start writing letters out for the CHRISTMAS DRAW! Ignore it - I am.

It is very humid here in the South West of England, so that everyone has one of those headaches which feels like you have a cartoon anvil on your head. The days are a bit energy sapping, I think, I do struggle to get stuff done when it's like this. Then, there are the twin distractions of Wimbledon and the World Cup. I am more of a footbally type person, I'm afraid. Probably means I'm common as muck but there you are.

Fruit of Womb One has returned to the fold for the summer (or at least some of it) This means that whenever I leave the house, I need to be careful always to return with a French Stick just in case the hunger pangs are overwhelming. (He is thin as a rake by the way) Aged parent has also joined in by stacking her freezer with food - just in case. 

He spent nearly seven hours on the train to get back and he doesn't have the shortest legs. He said it seemed like seven days. Myself, I just prayed for travelling mercies and got on with my day. The young people laugh when I pray for travelling mercies - not the praying - the phrase. Apparently, it makes me sound like something out of The Crucible. Well...

1. Ask me if I am bothered.
2. I think I might look quite fetching in one of those bonnets.
3. I love the phrase "Travelling Mercies.". It has everything. An acknowledgement that God is in charge, you can't think of everything that might happen and this just acknowledges that God watches over us. I love it. I am very much a commit it to God - all of it - kind of person.

If it were up to me, this family would still be singing "Jesus Tender Shepherd" before we went to bed. Apparently, that would be quite weird for a family in which the youngest member is 18.

"Jesus Tender Shepherd, hear me.
Bless thy little lamb tonight.
Through the darkness, be thou near me
Keep me safe till morning light
Amen"

To be sung in child's lisping voice while parent sobs. Possibly to be followed by "This Little Piggy Went To Market" if they insist.

Weekend - exciting nights and lazy days (not really)

All go at Martha Towers. Aged mother taken to car boot and out for breakfast. Although am still recovering from conversation last time we took her out.

Mum   That's a nice dress
Me      Thank - you
Mum   Makes you look slim
Me      I think I am quite slim - all things considered (Two babies and a fondness for Lemon Drizzle)
Mum   No, no you have quite a belly on you now but that dress helps a lot.

I have known people in counselling for less!
 
On returning, sit down to book theatre tickets for trip to London with offspring. Decide to go and see well reviewed play with Carey Mulligan and Bill Nighy. All goes well when booking, plenty of seats available, (This should really have been a red flag to me) and I come to the payments page and find that 4 tickets - including one student - comes to £546.00! How much? Do I get to come and share your lovely home with Marcus Mumford for a week for that? I think it out again and we will be going to see The Commitments. 

Off to church Sunday pm. Manage to get myself sat next to lady who spends first half of meeting sobbing gently into her hanky. Try to convince myself that it is hay fever but realise that it probably isn't. Toy with idea of putting caring hand on shoulder but lady is with husband/son/glamorous Spanish paramour (am not sure which) and he appears blissfully unconcerned so feel this would be interfering. Get no help from HOH who is pretending to be totally immersed in worship. Think meeting cannot get more uncomfortable when worship leader instructs us to break into groups and share something to pray about. WELL THANK YOU! Can I just say, I would be more impressed with that idea if you got off your safe space on the platform and joined us lesser mortals sitting next to woman in middle of fully fledged nervous breakdown. Try to catch eye of lady with tissue that is now very nasty but she turns her back to me and points out Bible verse to her chap. Reassure myself with probability that God is dealing with situation and turn back to HOH. Spend pleasant five minutes with heads together, in approximation of prayer, discussing how badly Brits generally deal with pew based mental collapse.
As meeting ends, lady leaves with speed of bullet fired from gun, proving herself immune to my pastoral caring face which I am wearing in case she needs it. We also leave, as soon as FOW2 has chatted for several hours. 

Retire to bed. Am going back to work. Am quite tired - again.

PS If you could just add Adrian Plass to your prayer list as he has recently had a stroke. If there is a Christian in Britain who has not been blessed by this gentleman, I have yet to meet them. He is fantastic and funny and wise. Please pray for him and his family.

 

Looking to recover my balance

Having been in a sort of blah place where nothing is wrong but not much is right either I have asked God what to do when, to be honest, I didn't really want to do anything. I have thought that I might come to a place where I leave all this blah feeling behind immediately, stepping out of it like a pencil skirt at the end of the day and becoming free. Instead, I am finding that I am moving forwards again, albeit slowly, as circumstances change and I actually do some stuff.

First, the hole in the ground by our pipes has been filled and the phone is mended. Call me a surface kind of person and you would essentially be right. Had as I try to rise above my circumstances, when things are suffering then so am I. Cue improvement in mood.

Then, nose to the grindstone and get the work done that needed doing. Procrastination is all very well when there is football to watch but when I have stuff piling up I start to feel a bit like that woman on the advert for laxative pills - you know, a bit bloated and flabby. So catching up with stuff I HAD to do, both at home and work and being able to give it a satisfying tick in my ticky book also helped my mood.

On a slightly more spiritual note, and requiring slightly more effort from someone who has not really been hit too hard with the spiritual Christian stick, is a morning ritual. In this case I am defining ritual as a religious habit which I don't think is the dictionary definition but don't bother me with trivialities. 
For better people than me the shower is where they do their best thinking. For me, the shower is where I get my revenge. I make some of my best "No! You listen to me..." speeches in the shower. It's not a great way to start the day. So when I came across this in Chronicles

They were also to stand every morning to thank and praise the Lord.
1 Chronicles 23 v 30
 
It made me think. I am doing the standing already. Maybe it would be better to fill my head with God, every morning, rather than than worry and fear, while I stand, in the shower. It's a ritual. A habit. Something good  to follow. Something that lets God in and helps me start the day with him rather than just me. It's a bit wet but I don't think God is bothered.

The power of standing

I have been, as my Grandad used to call it, "A bit mazy". Life has made me a bit woolly at the edges. There is nothing wrong with me but life and then more life have left me a bit ..well mazy.

Nothing too horrible or anything but work has been hard (I think it's supposed to be) Parent has needed support (not her fault - that is also supposed to happen)  House is full of exam activity. (All done now) and our pipes need digging up and the insurance company is giving the situation its full attention. (Or it will be just as soon as it runs out of excuses not to)

I'm doing all the right things. I'm eating well (If you don't included a mega packet of Aldi Crisps on Friday night) Sleeping well. Counting my blessings (and they are many) and just getting on with it. Still, there are times when you just need to hold the line, remember who you are and what you believe and wait for God to perk you up.

2 Timothy 1 v 12
I couldn’t be more sure of my ground—the One I’ve trusted in can take care of what he’s trusted me to do right to the end

Birthday Bumblings

So it's my birthday and we wander off for breakfast at Secco in  the Royal William Yard. See above for view. All very lovely and Plymouth is tres bonny non?

Anyway we are driving back from breakfast and conversation turns to Carole King's Tapestry album as I suppose it does for everyone really. And I say "I've never owned it but every song is a winner I think" Then we get home and open my pressies and from FOW1 is yep Carol King's Tapestry. WHAT!!?? And they say there isn't a God. (Actually can't make any actual sensible connection between this and the existence of  a God but it made me smile)

While I am on the God type of subject have a look at this link. Prayer - so flippin huge and so very rarely treated with the awe it deserves.

That's why we pray.

I read a good interview with Tim Vine this week. He was talking about all the choruses he sang when he was a child and I knew them all. Unfortunately, I also remember that I was a teenager rather than a child when I sang them As you probably know, I am a bit of a hymn person, although I do like a chorus when it's done good and noisy as God intended, if you get my drift.

Anyway was thinking about this 

"Oh what peace we often forfeit, oh what needless pain we bear.
All because we do not carry - everything to God in prayer."

There is so much truth here that I am prepared to overlook the strange memories I have of my Mum's version of this by Slim Whitman (a bit singy for me)

I can't speak for you lot but, as usual I have so much going on here and the last thing I think of doing is praying. Really - it is last on my list. Only when I am really desperate and can't find a way out will I pray. Good grief, I bet even the atheists do that! If I spent as much time in prayer as I do thinking "What am I going to do?" or making "Get my own back" speeches in the shower, I would be giving Daniel  a run for his money in the prayer warrior stakes. So, with a view to putting that right, I give you the things that are doing my head in, just as I am giving them to God. Some are real, some are imagined, some have happened, some may happen, some may not. Whatever, they are God's for the doing with whatever he wants. I spect he'll be better at dealing with it all than I am.

Work, Daughter's exams, Son's dissertation, HOH work, HOH knees, Wet rot, Dry rot, Dog's bowels, elderly parent, old car, finding new car, double glazing, pensions, writing, feeling knackered, church, rendering, finances, summer holidays, thinking of what's for tea, drains being dug out, Christians chained up while giving birth, not getting enough sleep, finding time to read the Bible, trying to like people I don't like, struggling with forgiveness, wondering if God gives up.

Fraid it's not all there but that will do for now I think. No pressure God.

Romans 8:26-28

Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.

Short

Inspiration very hard to come by this week. Am working very hard for my employers whom I love unconditionally. This involved a trip to Exeter today to meet with other reps of disability charities. Always arrive vowing not to get all political and thump the table with my fist and shout "THE THING IS...THE CITY CENTRES ARE BECOMING ACCESSIBLE TO THE ELDERLY POOR!" Then I forget everthing I vowed when I get there.

Well at least I didn't thump the table. All very good and productive and I got to wander round GAP in Exeter and stroke things during my lunch. Then had my first McDonald's for years. I mean the food is ok. It does the things it says it will. It's just going during half-term that was the HUGE mistake. Quite busy in there folks.

Anyway, off to watch the best programme on the telly. Brooklyn Nine Nine since you ask. Bye.

Like (2)

Following on in my mission to serve you at all times, I thought I would swing some more good blogs your way. Only connection between these is that I like 'em, should be enough for anyone that.

Please may I  She works. She runs a house. She has an allotment. She keeps chickens  She looks good. This could make her annoying but she's really very nice.

The Maple Syrup Mob It is literally the view from their window. However - it's Canada out there! They had a bear outside there once for goodness sake!

A Thrifty Mrs Talk about your useful. Loads of tips and interesting things. Beautifully put together. She's off the telly. She's a Manc.

Miss Budget Beauty  Have to be honest. Am too wrinkly and far gone to wear this much make up. But if you love your slap even while you suspect a lot of it may be a con, then this is a good place for reasonably priced stuff

Enjoy.

PS I am beyond excitement about this. Star Wars script read through and Harrison, Mark and Carrie are back.  Sings...BECAUSE I'M HAPPY......

Like

A decent Christian blog is as rare as hen's teeth I find. There are the good ones that are connected to magazines or projects or things like that but you would expect them to be good as they have entire teams working on them., I mean just a person, a Christian person, blogging. In case you were on the lookout. These are good. (It's only my opinion but, it's like the Oscars. I am right.)

Tracing Rainbows Angela is a pastor's wife and teacher with loads of interests and thoughts on things. Very good at craft but not in a scary way. She is normal. I can't say anything better about anyone.

A New Name Emma. Brave. Honest. Smart. (I think she would hate the brave bit) Documents her struggles with an eating disorder and writes movingly and wittily about mental health issues. She is also normal.

KezzieAG Fantastic zest for life. Musician. Just makes me feel better about things. Love the way she does her outfits.  Seems totally normal.

Kindred of the Quiet Way Pen Wilcock. Author. Thinker. Theologian. Gives me pause. Would probably not want to be called normal.

Just in case you were looking, you know.More later on in the week

Random musings of the sick of the palsy

Hello. Sorry for prolonged absence but have been ill. Not too much detail but the word gastric may be helpful. Looking on the bright side - at least my rings aren't as tight and I may get away without taking my new work skirt back to get a bigger size. My whole week was messed up because I wasn't supposed to mix with anyone till 48 hours clear (Tad too much detail there possibly) That means a trip to Taunton (For business but never been, so was thinking might be good), a pensions seminar (mind numbing but important) taking minutes at a church meeting and a Comms team were all rendered impossible. Bah! I am not very good at being ill. I am bad tempered and full of doom. I never understand people who luxuriate in illness by snuggling and watching movies. That is my loss I think. I did catch up on Rev which we had recorded but that was quite depressing. I know it's supposed to be warts and all but good grief. And why were all the lady vicars such donks? Everyone was very good in it though. Especially Tom Hollander. 
Anyway, onwards. Above is my Mothers' Day present from the offspring. Just got round to framing it. I have to admit that I chose it.Still counts as a present right? It's from a site www.preditos.com which has stylish and in no way creepy scripture gifts and things. I grew up with scripture wall art either involving photos of puppies for Jesus or lonely harbours with seagulls swooping with a usually inappropriate Bible verse shoved somewhere in the top right hand corner. Well, as seagulls swooping round here is a sign to cover your head or your fish and chips, I think this site is nicer. 

We are now officially in the middle of exam season again so quite tense here. However, revision (and my belly) allowing, the three of us are hoping to go for a meal Sunday night as it's our wedding anniversary. We are forgoing the romantic dinner for two because we have managed to sneak in a day away in London on our own in July so we are feeling generous. 23 years! And they said it wouldn't last. Well only my mother said that actually and to be fair she had been fed some duff information by one of HOH's exes. 

Look Up

I don't suppose there is anything new here. Anything we don't know already. It is still very powerful to see it.

God continues to wag his finger at me

....in a smiley loving way.

Something to further increase my humility and to convince me that my pomposity (probably NOT a word) makes God snigger.

I am always a bit suspicious of people who see God everywhere. Not the people who see him in Nature etc but those who say things like "God has used that pork sausage to bless me" You know the kind of thing. I am a bit old fashioned - in many ways. Indeed you should see my wardrobe. I feel comfy if a revelation from God is from scripture, backed up with preaching or a prophetic word and if possible followed by a cosmic sign - rainbow, finger pointing from heaven, audible voice that makes people fall to the ground in fear - that kind of thing.

So when someone told me this week that something a nurse had said to them this week, just in passing, had been a word from God, I was a bit sceptical. I didn't point and laugh in their face or anything. Just a bit underwhelmed. Later on, while walking the pooch, I remembered something.

A few years ago, I had a job I hated.I felt bullied by the boss. My self confidence was at rock bottom.  Every day as I went to work, I felt my stomach tighten. I felt under so much pressure. However, we had bills to pay and a family to support and HOH was hanging in there in his job too,  so I kept going. (While looking for something else) I remember one day being almost in total despair and saying to God. "You cannot care for me the way you say you do. I feel totally alone and abandoned. Have I failed you in some way that has made you leave?" and lots of other self pitying stuff. In my defence though. I really did feel that I had been abandoned and had "lost" the love of God in some way. The place I worked had a radio and they played a song by Plain White Ts. It had the line...

"Oh what you do to me.... what you do to me."

I think you had to be there to understand but I knew, it was God. No really. I knew. God could not get to me any other way so he used a cutesy little pop song to tell me how he felt about me. I went outside into the car park and cried like a baby. Not long after that I found something else.

I may smile uncertainly at people who count the number of times their dog barks in the night as a sign that they are to lead the singing in the worship but I think once again, I am aware that I don't know it all.

Really not too old

This is one of my favourite films of all time. It is one of the films that HOH and I fell in love to. I am not going to go through my favourite bits as we would be here all day. Just one bit leads on to what I wanted to say. There is a scene where Steve Martin is trying to impress astronomer and super brain Daryl Hannah with his scientific knowledge (Why am I so afraid of her? It's not as if she is a rocket scientist or anything.Reply.. Actually she IS a rocket scientist.) Anyway after mouthing off for a few minutes he has to admit he doesn't know the answer to a question. She smiles and graciously replies "Well we don't know everything then do we?"

Sometimes I feel like I do know everything. Not in a big me up kind of way but in a jaded sort of way. When you have been a Christian for a long time, you can sometimes feel that there is nothing new under the sun. Almost like you are too old to learn anything (and not in a good way) So God kicked my butt a couple of times this weekend (In a majestic, Godlike kind of way) and I thought I would tell you things I had learnt and not noticed before.

Firstly have started reading Pen Wilcock's The Road of Blessing. One chapter in and loving it. Will talk about bit more when I have finished. But one line really made me think. She talks about the feeding of the five thousand and casually says that the miracle was actually done by the disciples. Jesus blessed the loaves and fishes so obviously there is the God bit but the disciples gave it all out. They were the people who made it happen. As they did as Jesus said and began to give the bread out they will have felt and seen the miracle happen between their own fingers. Challenges me a bit about my role in making God's will happen. AM I spending too much time whinging and not enough time asking God what he wants me to DO about it. 

Secondly, at church on Sunday, Andy spoke on The Last Supper - specifically about the washing of feet. After some rather unsavoury talk about verrucas and fungal infections, he pointed out that Judas was invited to the supper and, as he didn't leave until later on, Jesus would have washed his feet. Knowing what he knew - Jesus still did that. I never noticed that before. I dunno what was going on here. Jesus giving Judas one last chance, even though he knew what was in his heart? Jesus' humility being shown as an example. Or as a lesson to us about judging? Jesus still prepared to serve someone who was a betrayer, a sinner. Not to cast him out but to accept him with all the others? 

All this has made me quite cheery. I am aware that I don't have it all sorted but I love that fact that there is still loads of help out there for me and that God still shows people things that they need.  Anyone who knows me knows that I can do with all the help I can get.

Seriously?

There are sooooo many times when I am proud to be a Christian - in a non sinful humble sort of way obvs. Everything about Jesus makes me pleased and yes proud to have my name associated with his. Yet sometimes Christians make me go "Really?" 

You have probably heard of Vicky Beeching. You will almost certainly have sung her songs including "Yesterday, Today and Forever". These days she is probably better known as a social commentator with a strong stance on women in the church (Or anywhere really - she would describe herself as a feminist) and same sex marriage which she is in favour of.

I know very little about Ms Beeching as a person or a Christian. I follow her on Twitter though and I find her approach to her Christianity both thoughtful and graceful. I may or may not agree with everything she says but ultimately that is irrelevant because we worship the same God and we should be gentle and caring to one another.

Why then does someone who calls themselves a Christian feel it is ok to send her this photo when she has expressed her views about controversial subjects

It will not do you know, it will not do at all. It is disgusting cheap bullying. I thought long and hard about even reproducing this but these people need calling out. Just stop for a moment and imagine Jesus with a roll of gaffer tape. Unrolling a strip, biting it off and sticking to a person's face. struggling with that image? You should be - it is the very antithesis of all that Jesus came for.

In my more generous moments I am thinking that these people think that they are upholding Christian principles. But these generous moments pass pretty quickly. We should be different, full of grace, preferring the other person, slow to wound and quick to bless. These are the standards we uphold. These are the principles that should govern us. Twitter is full of anonymous bullies. But not the Children of God surely? 

Colossians 3:12

The Message (MSG)

12-14 So, chosen by God for this new life of love, dress in the wardrobe God picked out for you: compassion, kindness, humility, quiet strength, discipline. Be even-tempered, content with second place, quick to forgive an offense. Forgive as quickly and completely as the Master forgave you. And regardless of what else you put on, wear love. It’s your basic, all-purpose garment. Never be without it.

Shoppy Saturday

I usually avoid Plymouth city centre like the plague on Saturday but this weekend there was a vintage thing on at the Guildhall so we wandered over to have a look. I'm hoping that any vintage fans aren't too upset by this but the whole morning did my head in. First of all it was packed. Lots of ladies of a certain age and income bracket with their elbows held high - all the better to give you a nasty shove in the ribs if you were about to get to a stall before them. Then, well I found it a bit expensive. I spent most of the morning picking things up and thinking how much cheaper they would be at a car boot. Mind you, these people have a living to make like anyone else so, if you want the stuff, I suppose you should pay a fair price for it. I found that I didn't really want it enough. Also, I would have thought that there was a limit to how many chintzy, tea cups anyone needs - especially at £3.50 a pop. Lastly, I found it all a bit - knowing or self referential. Pretentious was the word HOH used. I'm all for re-purposing and frugality and also for promoting crafts but the whole thing seemed to have its head up its bottom as we say up north.

FOW2 had come with us but she left at the first whiff of "In the Mood" from the speakers. (Actually, I quite like In the Mood, especially the version by the chicken) So HOH and I wandered out into Plymouth Town Centre. Man, it's crazy out there on a Saturday. We though about a quick lunch in MacDonald's but that looked like a Hieronymous Bosch painting so we gave it a miss. So HOH and I wandered about like two old people at an exhibition about the history of rap or something until FOW2 texted us and we could go home. There comes a time when you are just too old you know and there is no shame in it. At all.

The reason we had agreed to trip out was that FOW2 is awash with money because she turned 18 this week! Hurrah! We are now officially redundant as parents. Until someone wants a lift. Happy Birthday Elle!

Ooooh. Just a ps. Am I the only one still in therapy after the end of Endeavour last week? Good Grief - didn't see that coming.

Noah

So, I have had a few days to think about what I think about Noah. First thing to say is that this is not a review -  because I have no qualification to review anything really. Also reviews tend not to include spoilers AND HERE BE SPOILERS so leave now if you would prefer.

I have to say that it is good to see someone taking this fantastic story seriously enough to throw money at it and do it properly. I have seen enough low budget Christian movies in my time to leave me with a permanently tightened bottom and a dis-inclination to watch anymore. ( I saw something about the Second Coming once that was so excruciating, I genuinely thought that they were playing it for laughs.) 
You can certainly see where the money went. The special effects are great, the animals, the ark, the flood sequences are all suitably epic. Acting wise, well I rather like Russell Crowe. Noah was a complicated man and if the portrayal sometimes tips into completely raving mad, then I'm not sure it is his fault. Although I think he was more into portraying the getting slaughtered on wine and then getting naked more that the essential greatness of the man to do what he did.  Emma Watson plays Emma Watson very prettily. Douglas Booth plays her love interest (Possibly Shem - I got a bit mixed up.) He has outstanding lips. Jennifer Connelly as Noah's wife/partner/rubbing rag is great. She gives it heart. She made me cry.
Don't come to this expecting a direct Biblical account. Someone somewhere lost their nerve I think and there is a lot of preposterous flimflam about The Creator (cue wooey-wooey spooky music) But I did like the ecological view about man messing up a beautiful earth. 

For me there were three main problems. 

1. I suppose because it is a 12A certificate you are a bit limited in showing the extent of the fall of man that led God to wipe them out. Consequently, it seems that God did what he did because man turned away from vegetarianism and Ray Winstone was a bit free and easy with a pointy axe when it came to people's heads.
2. BIG SPOILER. Ray Winstone sneaking onto the Ark. Noooooo! Unacceptable. No. The shutting of the ark door signalled the end of the old world. Bridge too far for me.
3. By trying so hard not to put too much God into it, the film has lost its heart, it's centre. The Noah story is about God as well. God's relationship with his people. And it is a relationship. The lack of God is really a big hole and I don't mean that as a Christian thing. It is a story with the absence of its main character.

Despite all this, I did like it quite a lot. It is a bit weird really but immense in scope and it is what it is. Suspend your sensible thinking and give it a go.

Easter Saturday

Painting of Dead Chrsit in the Tomb. Holbein

This is Easter Saturday. A Holy Day for many Christians. A day of complicated theology. For me Easter Saturday means something else. It is the day before the miracle. The day when the tomb was still well and truly shut to those outside. A day when Jesus' followers were saying - Well what was all that about then? A day when the promised end seemed impossible. A day when God's power may not have seemed as powerful as they had hoped. The day that followed the darkest day and it showed no improvement - no sign of what was to come. Only cold, dark quiet. No signs from God, no encouragement, no answers.

Easter Saturday resonates with anyone on the journey of faith. A silence from God. A pause in the plan. No clues as to the coming miracle. Just a quiet, waiting game. We know now that Sunday came and with it, the extraordinary. But the Easter Saturday experience is just as important. The faith. The waiting. The unbelief. The expectancy. The confusion. This is where the pattern for faith is set. This is where we learn who God is, as we wait.

Opposite Ends of The Speculum....

As Victoria Wood used to say.

Watched two films this week which makes me a saddo. Ask me if  care. Both were excellent. Am aware that I am miles behind everyone else but that is my default position these days and you can live with it or....well not live with it - up to you.

First up...Frozen. I don't get to see the animated stuff much these days. After years of being forced to every kids movie as it opened. (One day, let me describe to you, the Seventh Circle of Hell that was The Pokemon Movie.) we have now left most of them behind. Anyway, found this on TV and thought we would have a go. I thought it was great. Maybe just a teeeensy weeeensy bit overhyped? No? Just me then. If you want to go all feminist with me for a few minutes, there is lots of good stuff here. It makes fun of the Disney staple of marrying a man/prince/frog that you have only known for one day. It is one of the first Disney movies to pass the Bechdel Test where two women are allowed to talk to each other about something other than a man. Also one of the female leads manages to go through the whole thing without a love interest. So lots to Hurrah about. Then there is that storming song. Though I prefer this version myself.

To go quite to the other side of things. I was trying (unsuccessfully) to download Lie To Me on Netflix and sort of accidentally watched "Capote" (Long story and quite boring too.) As I think I have said before, I think there is a lot of flim-flam talked about actors but this is a performance and a half by Hoffman. You never quite get to the bottom of Capote and what he was like, which I think is the whole idea. It's a great story, disturbingly told with a terrible crime and a terrible vengeance at its heart. Left me quite depressed but in a good way - if that is possible. Highly recommended.

And , a third thing while I am at it. Why did no-one tell me Endeavour was back? Can't believe I missed the first one. Flippin eck it's not as if we are assaulted every five seconds with decent telly is it and I manage to miss it. Blah

Happy

I think I may have mentioned Head of House's obsession with Motown and Northern Soul before. Anyway, we found this which is a girl dancing to Pharrell Williams' Happy and an old Northern Soul tune.

If I were deep and spiritual, I would write a post about how the old and the new can work together well, in harmony and things. But I am shallow and tired so I will just leave with you with the lovely music and dancing. I think it's better that way.

Blog Stuff

You could call this needy but I call it good housekeeping. If you like this blog and would like to subscribe...would you think about doing it on Bloglovin..?

The link is on the side. Ignore the Manchester City Blue.

No pressure obvs 

Just helps me with the counting stuff.

Cheek Turning

A person to whom, I am related (No names mentioned but she is of the slightly older persuasion) is very big on being attacked. Not by an axe murderer or anything but by "The Enemy" mainly through other people. Mostly, I tend to be a bit take it or leave it with this approach to life as I am quite sure that I can behave horribly enough to make people think that I am a one woman version of the Screwtape Letters. However, sometimes, just sometimes, people are mean and I haven't always done anything to deserve it.
The temptation, when people have a go and you don't think it's merited, is to have a go back. It can be very satisfying to stand in the shower making speeches telling people what you think of them or plotting a terrible revenge. 

My default position in conflict is that it is generally "my fault" but that isn't always true. When I am feeling generally naffed off with people, I like Psalm 35 which is written with a really full on miserable crow vibe.

But when I was down
    they threw a party!
All the nameless riffraff of the town came
    chanting insults about me.
Like barbarians desecrating a shrine,
    they destroyed my reputation.

The challenge for me is to step back from a Rambo like revenge spree and to take my defenses down. Do I trust God enough to fight my battles for me? What if people think me weak? I don't want everyone walking all over me do I? Yet the challenge is there - in the Bible.

‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously. (Matthew 5)

Flippin hard that. Yet, there is a sort of release and even a power in letting go. In thinking, nah, I'm not weighing into this. This is God's. I'm going to be kind - nicer than I feel and let it be. Not saying I have it sorted. Just think it is the better way.